I cheated... - 10/18/08 03:21 AM
First off, I know a lot of you here on the ones who have been cheated on. But, I am sad to admit that I am the one who had a brief fling just a couple of weeks ago.
My husband is deployed to Iraq and has been gone for 4 months. We have been married for 10 months. There was a great emotional distance between us before he left. He rarely initiated sex and often withdrew to play online video games and the XBox360. I felt like I couldn't compete. We didn't have the emotional intimacy I craved and I honestly thought that once he was deployed things might be different. I foolishly thought that maybe he would miss me a lot and start emailing me and we could rekindle some of the passion of our dating. But, circustances somewhat out of his control forced him to not have internet access in his room. However, they have phone booths and internet cafes. I have only received a handful of emails and a once weekly phone call.
I started thinking selfishly and posted an ad for Strictly Platonic on Craigslist searching for a male friend. Duh! Yeah, I know, I was just asking for it, wasn't I? Well, one of the guys I replied to turned out to be a leach....he was attentive and available to shower plenty of attention on me. Because of this, I allowed myself to fall into the habit of talking to him and he started talking sexually. I didn't resist. I was froze. Of course, I have missed that aspect so I guess I liked it as well. I tried to find help to fighting off the attraction, but I live 9 hours away from my family and have only a few friends here in TX. Nonetheless, he came up with a reason to come over to my house: said his electricity was out. He touched me like I hadn't been touched even before my husband left.....and I melted. At first I didn't feel guilty....I was numb....empty.
I immediately told my husband and it is over. My husband is broken and is threatening divorce. I understand how he has a right to be mad, hurt, and want a divorce. But, the thing is...I only wanted my husband to pay attention to me. I was dying for his affection and attention. I don't want a divorce. I just wanted to work through our problems....that's all I have wanted for the last 4 months.
I am not looking for sympathy, I just know that we both had a hand in the problems of our marriage...and it seems that I have been the only one fighting....I may have cheated and I know that is wrong and it is a mistake I will always have to live with, but I feel like my husband has been 7000 miles apart for more than the last 4 months of his deployment!!!!!!!!
My husband is deployed to Iraq and has been gone for 4 months. We have been married for 10 months. There was a great emotional distance between us before he left. He rarely initiated sex and often withdrew to play online video games and the XBox360. I felt like I couldn't compete. We didn't have the emotional intimacy I craved and I honestly thought that once he was deployed things might be different. I foolishly thought that maybe he would miss me a lot and start emailing me and we could rekindle some of the passion of our dating. But, circustances somewhat out of his control forced him to not have internet access in his room. However, they have phone booths and internet cafes. I have only received a handful of emails and a once weekly phone call.
I started thinking selfishly and posted an ad for Strictly Platonic on Craigslist searching for a male friend. Duh! Yeah, I know, I was just asking for it, wasn't I? Well, one of the guys I replied to turned out to be a leach....he was attentive and available to shower plenty of attention on me. Because of this, I allowed myself to fall into the habit of talking to him and he started talking sexually. I didn't resist. I was froze. Of course, I have missed that aspect so I guess I liked it as well. I tried to find help to fighting off the attraction, but I live 9 hours away from my family and have only a few friends here in TX. Nonetheless, he came up with a reason to come over to my house: said his electricity was out. He touched me like I hadn't been touched even before my husband left.....and I melted. At first I didn't feel guilty....I was numb....empty.
I immediately told my husband and it is over. My husband is broken and is threatening divorce. I understand how he has a right to be mad, hurt, and want a divorce. But, the thing is...I only wanted my husband to pay attention to me. I was dying for his affection and attention. I don't want a divorce. I just wanted to work through our problems....that's all I have wanted for the last 4 months.
I am not looking for sympathy, I just know that we both had a hand in the problems of our marriage...and it seems that I have been the only one fighting....I may have cheated and I know that is wrong and it is a mistake I will always have to live with, but I feel like my husband has been 7000 miles apart for more than the last 4 months of his deployment!!!!!!!!