Help from the ladies... breaking down the walls - 05/20/05 10:00 PM
Hi everybody. Been split from the ex since November 2003, and have dated quite a bit since then. Wasn't really looking for my next life partner for most of it; now, I am.
Which brings us to the present. In February, I met a woman online. We met in person mid-month, and have kept seeing each other. We're both single parents, and she has her daughter about 75% of the time. She's also a nurse and works nights sometimes and fairly early mornings quite a bit. As a result we've only been together 7 times in total, though we talk or MSN pretty much every other day.
Things seemed to click with us pretty quickly, at least insofar as being on the same wavelength, similar personality types and interests, etc. In most respects, things have progressed slowly (no sex yet), and I'm OK with that -- I've done the leap-into-bed-quickly thing a couple of times in the last year and, lo and behold, I'm still single. We have kissed quite a bit, and that's great.
I'm overanalytical by nature. And what occupies me mostly about her is that she's VERY cautious emotionally. I started to detect this early -- I was making all of the overtures, it was always me calling her and initiating things. In my previous experiences I reached date #2, figured I'd wait to hear from the woman, and if I didn't, I'd conclude she wasn't interested.
However, with this woman, things were a bit different. At the end of date #2 we kissed properly for the first time. It was great. And she immediately responded with, "I hope we can see each other again soon." That's been the pattern a few times: I initiate things physically or otherwise, and she responds with enthusiasm. And noticeably, when I initiate things physically she starts wanting to know when we can get together again.
For the moment anyway, that seems to be how she indicates how she feels... because she DOES NOT say how she feels. I had her over for dinner one night a couple of weeks ago, we were kissing on the couch, and I said, "I just want you to know, I like you a lot. You're really beautiful and a lot of fun to be with." She replied "thank you" very sweetly and then asked about when we could get together again. She seems to like being complimented. We got together with our kids a couple of weeks ago, at her suggestion.
I asked her a few weeks ago if she considered herself to be an emotionally cautious person. She replied with an emphatic "yes" (and something about being a Scorpio, whatever that means).
Anyway, she also hasn't (up to this point, anyway) done public displays of affection much. Although after dinner last Friday, we were out for a walk and she put her arm around mine and we walked along, arm in arm. We met for lunch two days ago and she did the same thing.
So, I think I've satisfied myself that she's interested.... but she may just not be the kind of person who puts herself out there very easily. Can anybody give me any suggestions as to how to chip away at that wall? I like her a lot and want her to let me in. Tuesday is the three month "anniversary" of our first date, and I want to send her flowers at work -- haven't done that yet.
Oh, and she hasn't been on the dating website we met on in a month and a half.
Any advice would be appreciated. Sorry about the long message.
Which brings us to the present. In February, I met a woman online. We met in person mid-month, and have kept seeing each other. We're both single parents, and she has her daughter about 75% of the time. She's also a nurse and works nights sometimes and fairly early mornings quite a bit. As a result we've only been together 7 times in total, though we talk or MSN pretty much every other day.
Things seemed to click with us pretty quickly, at least insofar as being on the same wavelength, similar personality types and interests, etc. In most respects, things have progressed slowly (no sex yet), and I'm OK with that -- I've done the leap-into-bed-quickly thing a couple of times in the last year and, lo and behold, I'm still single. We have kissed quite a bit, and that's great.
I'm overanalytical by nature. And what occupies me mostly about her is that she's VERY cautious emotionally. I started to detect this early -- I was making all of the overtures, it was always me calling her and initiating things. In my previous experiences I reached date #2, figured I'd wait to hear from the woman, and if I didn't, I'd conclude she wasn't interested.
However, with this woman, things were a bit different. At the end of date #2 we kissed properly for the first time. It was great. And she immediately responded with, "I hope we can see each other again soon." That's been the pattern a few times: I initiate things physically or otherwise, and she responds with enthusiasm. And noticeably, when I initiate things physically she starts wanting to know when we can get together again.
For the moment anyway, that seems to be how she indicates how she feels... because she DOES NOT say how she feels. I had her over for dinner one night a couple of weeks ago, we were kissing on the couch, and I said, "I just want you to know, I like you a lot. You're really beautiful and a lot of fun to be with." She replied "thank you" very sweetly and then asked about when we could get together again. She seems to like being complimented. We got together with our kids a couple of weeks ago, at her suggestion.
I asked her a few weeks ago if she considered herself to be an emotionally cautious person. She replied with an emphatic "yes" (and something about being a Scorpio, whatever that means).
Anyway, she also hasn't (up to this point, anyway) done public displays of affection much. Although after dinner last Friday, we were out for a walk and she put her arm around mine and we walked along, arm in arm. We met for lunch two days ago and she did the same thing.
So, I think I've satisfied myself that she's interested.... but she may just not be the kind of person who puts herself out there very easily. Can anybody give me any suggestions as to how to chip away at that wall? I like her a lot and want her to let me in. Tuesday is the three month "anniversary" of our first date, and I want to send her flowers at work -- haven't done that yet.
Oh, and she hasn't been on the dating website we met on in a month and a half.
Any advice would be appreciated. Sorry about the long message.