"Crushes" - 01/28/06 04:52 PM
Hi all,
It's been a long time since I've actually posted on this board. I suppose it's because I realized I was not ready to 'date' yet, and so I felt like I didn't really belong. I finally just accepted that I wasn't ready yet, and have just been 'coasting' along with my life. But with a recent turn of events, i think I might actually be ready for the first step of 'dating.'
Miraculously, this past Christmas, I had my first 2 'crushes.' One on a new car dealer that I was working with (was busy buying my 'unmarried' present to myself <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />), and one on an anesthesiologist who works in my hospital.
Over Christmas, the car dealer and I got to know each other over the phone quite a bit....talking for about 2 minutes about looking for a car, and then for 1 hour about our 'lives', likes, and feelings. By the end of December, though, I realized that my 'crush' was a little bit more than his, and he did not feel the same way about me. Oddly enough, I felt OK with that. I was just happy to know that I COULD have a crush again!
So....the 'crush' on the anesthesiologist has been there for a while, but was purely a 'superficial' crush by my thinking he was attractive, and us flirting a bit. Well, we had a business dinner meeting with he, myself, and another doc last week. By the end of the night, he had made it clear that he was interested in me, and we ended up going out after the other doctor left. We both had a very good time, I think.
Here's my problem, though. I don't trust him yet - which I think is normal....after all, it's only been one date, we are not committed, and we are just getting to know each other. I am good with all that....cognitively.
However, I FEEL insecure with the fact that I actually am more attracted to him now. And I REALLY want to go out with him again. He has said and indicated that he does as well...and we were supposed to have another 'date' yesterday. But he messaged me asking if he could have a raincheck because unexpected things had come up. I was fine with not going out, as I am comfortable with my life and my friends that I do not need to date, or be attached.
But what I don't trust is my judgment. I constantly wonder if I'm being 'played.' Turn offs for me about this guy are that he's a doctor (chief of anesthesiology, actually), and that he has WAY more money than I am really comfortable with. Nothing wrong with him having money...but I also know that a lot of times, money can 'go to people's heads'.
Anyway, I know that some women (at least where I live in the 'south') attach themselves to doctors for their status and money.... But i don't. In fact, I am scared of it. As a result, I am always questioning if I am just a 'conquest' for him because I'm not allowing myself to 'fawn' over him. Silly, huh?
Anyway, I'm not sure I know how to identify if I am being 'played'....And (possibly more importantly), how do I stop obsessing about it? I'm so terrified that I am being played, and that I will get more 'interested' than he....I fear being embarassed and hurt if I fall for a player.
Or am I just being 'stupid' for worrying about it at all...and I should just take it as it goes...even if it ends up hurting me?
Lord, I almost liked it better when I wasn't ready to date! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
It's been a long time since I've actually posted on this board. I suppose it's because I realized I was not ready to 'date' yet, and so I felt like I didn't really belong. I finally just accepted that I wasn't ready yet, and have just been 'coasting' along with my life. But with a recent turn of events, i think I might actually be ready for the first step of 'dating.'
Miraculously, this past Christmas, I had my first 2 'crushes.' One on a new car dealer that I was working with (was busy buying my 'unmarried' present to myself <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />), and one on an anesthesiologist who works in my hospital.
Over Christmas, the car dealer and I got to know each other over the phone quite a bit....talking for about 2 minutes about looking for a car, and then for 1 hour about our 'lives', likes, and feelings. By the end of December, though, I realized that my 'crush' was a little bit more than his, and he did not feel the same way about me. Oddly enough, I felt OK with that. I was just happy to know that I COULD have a crush again!
So....the 'crush' on the anesthesiologist has been there for a while, but was purely a 'superficial' crush by my thinking he was attractive, and us flirting a bit. Well, we had a business dinner meeting with he, myself, and another doc last week. By the end of the night, he had made it clear that he was interested in me, and we ended up going out after the other doctor left. We both had a very good time, I think.
Here's my problem, though. I don't trust him yet - which I think is normal....after all, it's only been one date, we are not committed, and we are just getting to know each other. I am good with all that....cognitively.
However, I FEEL insecure with the fact that I actually am more attracted to him now. And I REALLY want to go out with him again. He has said and indicated that he does as well...and we were supposed to have another 'date' yesterday. But he messaged me asking if he could have a raincheck because unexpected things had come up. I was fine with not going out, as I am comfortable with my life and my friends that I do not need to date, or be attached.
But what I don't trust is my judgment. I constantly wonder if I'm being 'played.' Turn offs for me about this guy are that he's a doctor (chief of anesthesiology, actually), and that he has WAY more money than I am really comfortable with. Nothing wrong with him having money...but I also know that a lot of times, money can 'go to people's heads'.
Anyway, I know that some women (at least where I live in the 'south') attach themselves to doctors for their status and money.... But i don't. In fact, I am scared of it. As a result, I am always questioning if I am just a 'conquest' for him because I'm not allowing myself to 'fawn' over him. Silly, huh?
Anyway, I'm not sure I know how to identify if I am being 'played'....And (possibly more importantly), how do I stop obsessing about it? I'm so terrified that I am being played, and that I will get more 'interested' than he....I fear being embarassed and hurt if I fall for a player.
Or am I just being 'stupid' for worrying about it at all...and I should just take it as it goes...even if it ends up hurting me?
Lord, I almost liked it better when I wasn't ready to date! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />