Hello friends - I've been lurking lately, because my life has been pretty darn dull and boring that I've had nothing to post about (I guess calm is better than chaotic, right?)

Anyway - BF and I are quickly approaching the 2-year mark of our relationship (who would've thunk it? Not me). Anyway, I'm having a nagging little issue - and I'm looking to vent and get feedback.

This relationship has grown from a casual "date a couple of times a week" type thing to a comfortable, everyday relationship. We are making future plans (not marriage, but vacations, his daughter's wedding, etc.), I spend a lot of time involved with his family (he has three grown children) we truly have progressed to a comfortable relationship.

Here's my whining - he doesn't say "I Love you" unless I ASK him if he loves me........OK, let me explain a bit more. Neither he nor I are huge mushy types - we are not the type for public PDA, we don't hug and walk arm in arm, etc. However, every once in a while I will sneak in an "ILU" and wait for his ILU back......doesn't come. I have to pretty much drag it out of him......while that's OK - I KNOW that he can say those words - he says it to his kids everytime he talks with them on the phone. Why is it difficult for him to say it to me? I've pretty much explained it away to my own satisfaction, but I would be interested in other's feedback. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Or, should I be concerned that maybe he DOESN'T love me?

If I'm being a crybaby - let me have it......or is my female intuition telling me something?

Laura

If you were 25 and never married I'd say, don't worry about it and he's just being a guy. But.....

I believe in talking about things that bug you. Don't do the "We need to talk about our relationship" because all guys regardless of age or lot in life will tune it all out and resent "the talk". My advice would be right after sex, when he's the most vulnerable/feeling manly...ok that's a little too much

Just talk to him. See how he wants to express himself. He's invested two years into you as well. He probably does love you but since you two aren't very affectionate he feels that he doesn't have to say it. Just express how it makes you feel when he doesn't say it back. He may just say, listen, I do love you but I just don't say it a lot because blah blah blah. and all will be well.

and stop whining. LOL

If I brought up the subject right after sex - I'd better be able to spit it out within three minutes - that's all the time I'd have before the snoring starts!! We are really, really close to having our very own AARP cards, after all!

I've admitted before that I'm not the best at communicating my most private thoughts and emotions, I guess I deserve it to torture myself with the "what is he thinking" crap - so I'm working very hard to just ASK him when I want to know.....I'm still a work in progress.

I feel like such a dork for wanting to hear the ILU - and I feel like such a pouty crybaby when I have to BEG for it....but on the other hand, I'm not being unreasonable for wanting to hear it unsolicited from HIM first every now and then......now just to find the perfect compromise.

TrulyHappytoBe,

Please be as honest about this as you can: How happy are you with the relationship, other than the ILU thing?

I ask because in my experience, I needed that sort of verbal affirmation a lot more when there were other things causing me to doubt the relationship. But when I got together with my H, everything was so great, there really wasn't much need for it. I wonder if the same thing is going on with you.

You mentioned that the relationship has progressed, but you're not talking about marriage. Are you content with that? Or do you wish you were at a point where you were talking about marriage? Is it possible that you want the ILU talk to make up for the lack of marriage talk?

Honest as I can be - no I do not wish we were talking marriage. Quite the opposite. I know from discussions he and I have had early on dating that he does, in fact, want to get remarried - he says after his youngest is off to college....that's happening in June. Now me, I don't know if I ever want to remarry - I would be content to be selfish and keep things just the way they are for the near future. So that's not it. I actually am afraid that this summer will be the "where is this relationship going" talk is going to happen, and our relationship might drastically change if I haven't yet decided if I want to re-marry. Yes, I want my cake and I want to eat it too. But, I don't think that I'm asking for the triple layer cake, either.

As I mentioned earlier, he and I are not the mushy types, but every now and then it would make my heart just melt if he grabbed me, looked me in the eye, and told me how much he loved me. That doesn't happen. He only says it back to me after I've said it to him, and then teased and nagged him into saying it back.....

So, in a nutshell, I'm happy with things the way they are, and yes, I could live with the non-verbal expressions of love and care, but DAMN IT - I'd like the romance novel version once in a while.........yes, I'm whining.....