Well, I've been divorced now for almost two years.

After taking time off for myself for a year I met someone special online last December. She's very artistic and plays in the symphony, I'm a 9-5'er but love the arts and desire someone creative. We seem to get along great and have alot in common with each other. Typically we see each other every weekend and 3-4 times during the week.

This summer she is away alot teaching camps and I get depressed somewhat. Why? Well, even though we seem to get along I feel myself falling for her and fear getting hurt. I get some of the distrust issues because of baggage due to my ex wife's infidelities. Another problem is that my gf says I need to express my feelings more. However, I instigate alot of the communication. I call her, text her, write cards for her, etc. It seems she's not reciprocating. This is very confusing for me.

Recently she mentioned the idea of trying out for other concert postions in the country. She wants to do this in order to force herself to "practice" and maintain a higher level of playing. She says she doesn't want to move, because they are actually lower paying positions, but she misses the competition. Of course, I want to believe her but this proposition scares me. What if she won the audition? Would she take the new position? I don't understand this because I know she cares for me, but it is confusing. I need to protect myself as well and not be taken for granted.

My sense is that she is a taker and may not have an idea on what it is to be committed. Perhaps she's never fully given herself to someone. But then other side of me says I just need to unpack my "paranoia" and stop doubting that this relationship is doomed. I truly care for her, and I still think that I want to take this relationship to the next level. Is it to soon to think about this?

I guess I'm looking on how to express my concerns in a logical manner to her without being selfish or accusing.

I've found alot of inspiration from this board and would appreciate any help.

honesty is always best.
tell her your feelings and intentions and see what she says. better to find out her intentions NOW. i don't think 7 months in is necessarily too soon if you have been seeing eachother as much as you say you have and you have been exclusive for that long.

all you can do is talk to her. she doesn't know your needs if you don't tell her what they are.

mlhb

You say you are confused about your communication with her. She says that she wants you to share your feelings more and you say that you initiate most of the conversation. I think these are two separate things - while you may be making the effort to make contact, it sounds like it's the content she's unhappy with.

Ironically, you're posing questions about what she might do with regards to her career, based on your feelings. This is precisely what she wants you to express. Based on the fact that she has asked you to be more expressive in your emotions, I think you should tell her your fears/concerns. Yes, this puts you in a vulnerable position. But if you don't tell her you are feeling uncertain about this, she may interpret it as you not caring whether she moves.

It's difficult to find a balance between protecting yourself and risking and ultimately that's up to you.

I don't know what you mean by "the next level" or why you think you should take the relationship there, but it sounds to me like you don't know your GF very well, and should probably get to know her some more before worrying about the next level.

How can you not know after 7 months if she is a taker, or if she knows how to be committed? Have you not talked about his, and have you not had a chance to observe?

How did she bring up the part about "you need to communicate your feelings more"? Personally, I do not do well with someone telling me that I "need" to do A, B, or C. I don't think it is her place to be telling you what you need to do, unless you ask. But that's just my opinion.

What does your gut say about this relationship? Have you had any other relationships since the divorce?

AGG