I don't really want to date. Life is pretty good as it is. I am equally busy at work and at home, doing 'stuff' during weekends, attending class, keeping myself fit for forthcoming outdoor treks and climbs.

On the rare occasion, I'd feel lonely and wish I have someone to share my happiness with.. for instance, I have a spiffy new car and am driving alone all the time. I have free movie tickets every week and no one to watch with.

So. My hairdresser says I should put myself on the net and find out... what I can find. She encouraged me saying both her sisters-in-law and another client found their match on the local website.

I have a very poor perception of local men, due to my past experience with ex and the few that crossed my path after that. They all want young and pretty and the expected hobby is shopping and suntanning. My area has 70% youths, 60% of them women. I am 42, divorced for two years and don't look like Lindsay or Paris.

I am going to give it a try, but don't know for how long.

Just be careful and select the site you use wisely. A friend of mine (another BW) was nearly to the point of trying it. She started looking at profiles on a free site and actually found one that she was interested in. One Friday night we sat on the computer together so she could show him to me. On the one hand, it's really cool - you can screen by all sorts of things - age, astrological sign, smoker/nonsmoker - whatever. But they also had different categories to look for - everything from friendship to dating to long term relationship to "intimate encounters". I don't need to explain what that is. For fun, we screened for men 43-45, scorpio, within 10 miles of her house looking for intimate encounters. Over 300 profiles matched this!!!!! She lives out in the boondocks - I was surprised there were even 300 men in that radius, let alone 300 with profiles on this site!!! To make matters worse, we started clicking on them to see what kind of loser would put a profile with their picture asking for sex on the internet and every one we checked was MARRIED!!! They were also online at the same time! Remember, this was Friday night - probably between 9 and 10 pm so wifey is upstairs putting the kids to bed while the creeps are sitting in the basement looking for sex!!!!

But aside from that, I have a few friends who've had success at internet dating. Even on this site, many people put on their own profiles "must not be looking for intimate encounters" so there is a screening mechanism for that. On the down side, anybody, including your parents, ex, employer, kids or whoever can look at your profile and it could be embarrassing.

Why? If you don't want to do it, why put yourself through it? There are better ways to find company than trying to find dates. First of all, it's doubtful that you'll meet anyone who's motivations are the same. Most people looking, want more than to just occasionally hang out. They're looking for dating, LTR's and sex though not necessarily in that order. I guarantee that you will come back here complaining about how all the men out there have unreasonable expectations - because they don't match your own.

If you just want to find someone to go do stuff with, join a group of some sort through a church or a local club. Grab a neighbor or a coworker.

Don't sour yourself on the internet dating experience until you're ready to, you know... Actually date.

I think the best time to date is when you can take it or leave it. One is much more likely to be picky.

That said, if you are willing to drive 50 minutes to 1 hour, you may find better candidates. The added benefit is that if it doesn't work out, you won't run into each other all the time.

Amen to that !!

Well, I have waited two weeks and I do want to give it a try.

I do have some time now till November when I begin school... I am going to do it just 'to test the waters' not hoping anything much.

I am not so afraid of men and getting hurt as I was two or three years ago, so let's see.

Any tips for what to write on my profile?

Here's what I did and it seemed to have worked out for me pretty well so far...

1) Put together a list of criteria of what you want in a good match. Be specific. Not little basic things like: nice, handsome, smart... Specific in terms of appearance (short, tall, body type, etc...), common interests (reading preferences, movies, food...), and hobbies. Make the list as long as you can. I don't think a match has to fit every single one of them, but be honest about your preferences.

2) Read as many male profiles as you can. Try and get an idea of what we all find important. One of the things that I noticed almost every woman I found interesting was they all wanted a man to be financially stable. They didn't want someone to take care of them, but they didn't want to take care of someone else. It was surprising to see this come up over and over again. I have since learned that there are a LOT of men out there who are more than willing to let a woman take care of them. Wow. I am financially stable (own my home, been at my job for a long time, little to no debt, have a pension and 401K, etc...). So I mentioned that in my profile. Not in detail or anything. Just that I'm stable so that a woman knows she's not walking into a financial mess.

3) People lie and very rarely does anyone's actual appearance reflect their description. I can't tell you how many women described themselves as "thin", or "athletic and toned", and but invariably there's a picture with a bare arm that looks about the size of my thigh. Riiiiiiiiight... Just beware of that. A profile without a pic, or just one pic taken from far away with bad lighting is a red flag.

4) Don't be negative. That was the biggest turn off to me and a lot of profiles read like they were tired and cynical. Lots of griping about what kind of man they don't want. Try and keep words like "don't", and "not" out of it. Approach things from the positive.

5) Leave pics of your kids and pets out of it. Waaaaay too personal, and even dangerous IMO. I avoided those women specifically, not because they had kids (though I did prefer NMNKs). I avoided them because I felt they lacked common sense and situational awareness. Include good, clear, pictures of yourself. Pics that you feel reflect what you actually look like. Pics of things that you like (places you've been for instance) are okay. I think they give additional insight in to who you are as a person.

6) Insist on taking the lead in terms of on-going communication and the M&G in person at first. I know that traditional etiquette dictates that the man is supposed to plan the dates, etc... But this is a different realm and M&Gs are blind. I always let the woman decide the initial locale so that she'd feel safe and comfortable. Find somewhere neutral and not one of your regular haunts. If you're not interested, you don't want him showing up there later looking for you.


I think that's enough for now. Good luck.

the pic gets me to read a profile and the profile tells me whether i want to contact her

don't be afraid to make the first move

I'm 48, mail, divorced 20-months, and could take it or leave it when it comes to dating. I have been in and out of the market several times. I am in the market at the moment both online and from networking. I tend to focus more on personalities than looks and want someone who has my personality. I've already done the opposite-thing and know that it won't work long-term.

In general, women in their 40's should hang around with some 20-something and 30-something women to pickup some tips. 40-somethings tend to be very passive and non-aggressive. Younger women are very aggressive in comparison. Everyone wants to be pursued, both men and women. If you as a woman could provide 50% of the pursuit and the guy would reciprocate, I'll predict that your overall level of dating success will go up. There are guys who like shy, retiring, hot-house flower types, but their in the minority and are probably not well intentioned.

If you like someone, don't play the endless female manipulation mind-games, just tell him that you like him. Be open, honest, and who you are at all times. Rejection does not diminish your value in the least. There are plenty of single people out there. Adjust your expectations to zero and you might have some fun.

"mail"?? lol

Booka,
I loved your post! It is so helpful. I am a 49 year old single lady who needs to be more of the pursuer type. I am pretty laid-back, shy, retiring as you say. I guess I need to come out of my shell and get busy!
KK

Little boy, I'll tell you - you hit a nerve with your women in their 40's need to hang out with women in their 20's and 30's.

I hope you eat your words one day. I resent that! There are plenty of younger guys out chasing me - sometimes to the point of irriatation - and I don't appreciate your comment one bit!

I married a man that was 8 yrs older than me when I was 34 - and when I was ready to jump his bones when he walked in the door, he was offended and said I wasnt' doing it "God's way"! Putting God FIRST in my life, I was crushed and thought I had done something wrong. (Never considering that he might have a low testosterone level, I took it to heart and started looking at myself as filthy for wanting my husband). I've been through a lot of heck for it!!

Well, just because I'm 42 instead of 34 now doesn't mean I've lost my kick for what I like!

I think you might need to stop looking at what the women are doing "wrong" and start looking at what your own issues are!!!!!

Get the log out of your own eye before you go pointing fingers at the stick in someone else's!

RMW

Sorry RuffledNOT,

I'm sure you can tell that my post wasn't in any way directed at you. I've found plenty of guys on the internet that are looking for women that are willing to take the backseat to their recreational hobbies!

If a man wants me to chase him when his greatest recreational past time is fishing - forget it!! As for me - "there are bigger fish in the sea!"

Chances are you look better than you give yourself credit for. I'm 42, been divorced going on 5 yrs. and till I find a man that has enough b@lls to come after what he wants and stand up for it - I ain't interested! I've been asked to marry three times and had one man tell me he'd give me 1500.00 per month if I'd let him be my sugardaddy, in the past 5 yrs.(I told him that I wasn't that kind of woman) But I never looked at myself as that attractive. Maybe you just still have to get past feeling bad about yourself & your breakup. Believe me, there are better men out there.

Even though I'm dating two different men on a "friend" basis right now - and not ready to commit to anything - I've come to accept that when the time is right -- when I reach where I need to be and they reach where they need to be --- the right one will come along. Until then, I'm enjoying being free, and no longer basing my value on whether I'm married or single. I tried that for too long and it didn't work.

You are who you are, and I'm sure there is some guy out there who would love to meet you for who you are - They don't see the picture you may have painted of yourself right now........

Take care and believe--
YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!!
RMW

Oh RMW, I don't worry about 'not being good enough'. One man's meat's another man's poison, lol. I worry more about the lying. This is too different from what I am used to, I can't background check him with a friend or family!

I have registered and drafted a profile. It has three sections:
- my interests
- what I am looking for (likes to cook, has diverse interests, stopped playing with toys lol)
- what I can offer (I took the cue from Seabird about being financially independent and added something about not having a biological clock to answer to. Thank you Seabird).

I've also done a quick check on the men that were matched to my profile. Yup. As adviced by Seabird, the pickins are slim. Some looked for 23 -43 (hah!), one sent an email and his profile showed that he ticked 'any' for everything he looked for in a woman. One said he's bored and his life is boring. And another one is 44 and has never been married, and he looked good too. I have 23 views in 1 week, 1 email and 6 'kisses'.

Anyways. I will probably sign up proper next week when I have more time to 'investigate' and be active. Need to check out the competition too. Am too busy at the office this week... when I find the time, when I find the time.

RuffledNOT,

I hear ya! Pickins are DEFINETELY slim here in lower Alabama. And most of them are guys I don't really want anything to do with! Ain't interested in anyone more than 8yrs older or 5yrs younger than me. Ain't ready to "get old" yet! and don't realy want a guy with "young" kids. Mine are grown now and I'm FREE for the first time in my life. Kinda scary and exciting all at one time! My practice exam for the national board will be here by Friday - kinda nervous to see how I do. But that's natural to me. One of my teachers that I email to told me to get a massage myself the day before the Board exam, and them when I get there just breath slow, turn it over to God and go with my first choice that makes sense because that is usually right! Ooo Hoo! Time is getting near! It will be so nice to be making a good living on my own!!

Thanks for the encouragement on 'not being good enough'. Encouragement always helps! And my IC is one of the greatest!! She has been seeing me for over a year now and says she is amazed at the progress I'm making. That usually someone dealing with what I've had to overcome have to be hospitalized for recovery. But she sees it - and to be honest - Ive finally started seeing it too!! Maybe that's why the whole "dating thing" is getting easier to "take it or leave it"! For once in my life, I finally feel good about myself (most of the time) and what I'm doing with my life!!

It's getting better all the time!! Thanks!!!

ps. I like that 'one man's meat is another man's poison' thing!! Good Luck on all your online dating stuff!! Hope it all goes good for you!! (maybe you can slide some time in there somewhere )

RMW

My experience with Internet dating is that it is what you make of it.

I have found THE most important thing are your pictures. I have even discussed this with some of the gentlemen I have met and their biggest pet peeves are women who don't look like their pictures (I am consistently complimented that I "look like my pictures"). I had two very good pictures up on my profile and saw a bit of traffic. I added one more picture that depicts me in a different light and zowie! I am getting 3-5 e-mails or winks a day.

Another pet peeve for both sexes is people who claim the are slim, slender, athletic, toned and/or average when they are definitel overweight. I make clear in my profile that weight is important to me as is a healthly lifestyle that involves being active/working out. Yet, I have received numerous e-mails from gentlemen who do not fit that description.

It does not hurt to register on two or three sites. I was on one site for quite a while and added a second that really changed things up for me. In fact, one gentleman I am seeing is from the second site. If I hadn't ventured to that site, I would never have met him.

ALWAYS do a background check as soon as you know the person's first and last name. Several months ago, I dated a "gentleman" that my IC later called a "psychopath." This guy did quite a number on me emotionally. It wasn't until after we split that I did a background check because some things just weren't adding up. I found out he lied about an awful lot of important things like his financial situation, that he owned his home, that he had not been married once, but twice and both marriages ended because of adultery on his part, he had several minor criminal offenses, did not attend even one class at the university from which he claimed to have graduated...I could go on, but you get the gist. I have since done background checks on two other gentlemen I am seeing and they both came back clean but you never know so better to be safe than sorry.

Willingness to travel a little bit of distance can make a world of difference in who you meet. One of the two men I am seeing right now lives very close to me while the other lives about an hour away (I live in a very large city). I find that I see the one who lives an hour away much more often than the one who lives close by.

To pursue or not to pursue....that is the question. There are a host of books out there that say a woman shouldn't pursue (e.g., The Rules, Men are from Mars Women are from Venus on a Date). I have done NO pursuing of the one gentleman I am seeing and we don't see each other much (mostly because of kids and work) and only talk by phone very 4 or 5 days. The other gentleman I am seeing is a bit quiet, reserved, shy and would NEVER have e-mailed me if I hadn't e-mailed him first. Its now about a 50-50 thing with both of us doing a bit of pursuing. For example, the last two times we got together, I am the one who asked if we were getting together (he has odd days off and I knew it was his days off). Yet, he does the day to day contacting/touching base. He and I are moving at a much quicker pace (although not too quick - he's not a blowtorch who comes on strong and then burns out) that the other one and I and I believe that his because I am sharing the pursuing. Right or wrong, its working. I would be interested in hearing some of the guy's perspectives on whether they want to be the pursuer or like when a woman pursues some, too.

In short, I like to think of Internet dating sites as a big bar full of people....just like in a bar, there will be some who are attracted to you but to whom you are not attracted and visa versa. It takes patience and an open mind and putting yourself out there to be successful.

I have something to tell you guys. I can't figure this out myself.

Ever since the week I decided to look for a mate and put myself online, I have been having dreams of xH. Good dreams.. okay mostly sf dreams. In my dreams I was happy and contented with xH. Ugh.

It has been five years since xH left (he left almost immediately after DDay). I struggled for the first two years emotionally and by the end of the third year, I asked for a divorce. The first year after divorce was bliss. I felt so right and at peace. The second year after divorce I gained back my confidence, I achieved all the things that I set out to do, and am now very happy. I don't feel I miss the marriage or xH. I have also gotten used to being alone.

Now the dreams, the dreams I don't understand.

Is it because I loved xH? In my head, I know he is immature, impulsive and we have very different sets of values. In my head, I know it is over, there is no looking back, I do not want to waste my time with someone who cheats and have multiple affairs, gets into trouble and blames me. I deserve better. One of the things I practised during the two years leading to divorce was to constantly remind myself of all the ways he lied and how shabbily he treated me. How little he gave to the marriage and the little understanding he has about integrity and commitment. I have known xH since I was 20 and I could see when I looked back the behaviour has been constant, except the sin was greater as he entered adulthood. Even so, I loved him. And to break myself from the emotional bonds, I rationalized myself out.

Am I still attached to him or is this just the familiar need for intimacy and xH was just too imprinted in my brains? I have been attracted to other men after divorce, but kept myself at arms length only.

maybe it's just my hormones!???

RuffledNOT,

You're normal. When I first started having dreams about all the people in my life they were first filled with the feeling of helplessness I felt growing up. Then they turned to rage and anger until I worked through all of those issues. Now I actually have dreams that are good with them in them. If I hadn't been going to a counselor when they started, I don't know how I would have made it through the ones where I acted out against the people who had hurt me! She let me know that it was just my brain filing everything that had been buried.

Maybe you've come to a point where you don't feel angry with your x and so now when your system wants sf he's the one that pops up. I know that's what my system does cause when I asked my counselor about it she told me it was because he was my last partner, that it would change if I ever had feelings for and decided to marry someone else.

RMW

I have occasional dreams about my ex. The funny things is that on a day to day basis I rarely even think of her anymore. And if I do, it is in relations to something about the kids.

Go figure. I think it doesn't mean much. Just hormones as somebody suggested.

"I have occasional dreams about my ex. The funny things is that on a day to day basis I rarely even think of her anymore. And if I do, it is in relations to something about the kids."

Thank goodness I don't have to deal with the xh about the kids anymore! They're grown and the ex lives a whole state away!!

Guess I'm still working on letting go of the feelings for my xf. I walked out because I knew it was "good for me" (Dr. H said it sounded like a relationship headed for abuse and control - then I found out he was a SA) still wish he would have been willing to work on his problem instead of porn and sleeping around.

I'd suggest putting the problem on the guys you are potentially interested in. No man should be very surprised to find that women out of their 20s have probably been hurt by someone in their past. (And therefore have cause for concern.) I think it is reasonable to expect to provide some bona fides that you are an adult and not someone who goes around leaving a wake of destruction behind.

Expecting copies of tax returns and a criminal background check might be a bit extreme. But a motivated decent chap ought to be able to come up with an endorsement from some woman in his life (e.g., spouse of a married guy friend), proof of a stable job, etc...

If his friend's wives think poorly of him, or he doesn't have a stable job, or he won't go out of his way to put you at ease, why would you be interested? Real men won't be scared off by a woman who sets the bar high. (In fact I think there was a book some years back called "The Rules", which if I understand correctly, encouraged women to think along those lines.)

- WG

Sigh, I have not been very diligent at this internet dating thing. I signed up for a while and all I got were men who boasted way too much about themselves. Some were just bored.. they have no interests, no hobbies and probably watch tv all day. They have no preference for any type of females as long as they are slim and pretty. I didn't write back to any of them. Oh, I even found my very married branch manager there. He stated his status as 'single'.

Woundedgentlemen, thank you for your suggestion. It makes sense. Yes, a decent chap would include me in his circle of friends and family, and I can should be able to get a third party point-of-view on his past.

I have to change my way of thinking about relationships. I tend to keep my relationships away from my family and have very singular that-guy-and-me type of relationships. My shortest relationship is about a year and a half and my longest, seven years. During these relationships, I rarely get to integrate into my guy's circle of friends or family.

My exH had multiple affairs. I didn't find this out till seven years into our marriage. He started his affairs in year two. He is a very sociable, likeable person. He makes people feel at ease and I have never known him to have a misunderstanding or a tiff with anyone. At home, he is the treasured and beloved son. With his cousins and uncles, he is the adorable youngest. Done well with his career and well, he has everything good to show.

But beneath the exterior, he has a huge mount of debt. His wife (me!) paid for the mortgage and other home expenses while his income goes to his luxury car and luxury brands for himself and gifts and holidays for his girlfriends. We fought a lot. One day while fighting about his portion of monetary contribution to the household, he asked if I am calling him a freeloader. Till this day, when I recall that moment, I know now that that has been what he is doing and he realizes it. And he has hid his affairs very well. He is open about being married and oh, it's the classic story about not happy, going to leave his wife soon, but in real fact has no intention to. Who would, if they had free lodging and good home cooked food every night?

So now he is back in the workforce, in a new job and I can imagine him charming young girls in his new office. His elderly mom is in another state, and so are his cousins. He made new friends during our separation and divorce, I don't know if any of them know that he has been married. Now I am not saying that people don't grow and change, but my X is amazingly good with words. He knows exactly how to assure a woman but his actions are the opposite. Exactly like the second son in the parable of two sons in Matthew. Even his excuses are believable and makes you want to help him.

How do you 'background check' a person like this? A friend, even if he or she knew that he divorced because of adultery would not tell -- because they are friends and friends stick together.

While we were married, I knew a couple of his childhood friends who are now married but continue seeking sex with prostitutes and I also knew one of my own guy friends sleeping around, but because I was not close to their wives, I just keep quiet to preserve the friendship. We all put a happy front. Ugh.

I've been on the personals on and off for about 2 years and was about ready to give up - getting all kinds of unwanted contacts.

In those 2 years, I've worked on myself, worked on my house and landscaping and just hung out with my friends and enjoyed my kids...all the while believing that there was someone out there for me. I never gave up on my standards of who/what I was looking for - passed up a few that would've made "someone" happy, but they weren't for me. Was even labeled by a few of my close friends as being "picky". I'm gonna remain to be "picky".

However, I was contacted from a man in Michigan, I'm from Indiana. We've been corresponding for about 7 weeks, talked on the phone just a few times. I finally get to meet him tomorrow! Whether or not it goes anywhere, remains to be seen, but I do have to encourage you not to give up...there has to be someone out there looking for you!

How do I know he "checks out"? He's worked for the state of Michigan for 15 years, and they've already done the background checking! lol.

OMG!! OMG!!

Guess who I spotted on the dating site this morning!

The fella I had a schoolgirl crush on. The type of crush that stops you in your tracks and melts all your innards and brains.



He also happens to be xWH's ex-colleague and a BS himself.

Oooo he looks so cute in his profile photo. My brains are frozen.

Well, turns out that my schoolgirl crush guy doesn't write back.

But, I have been communicating with another guy on almost a daily basis, he's very attractive in the looks department, divorced for 10 years, highly intelligent (technically and philosophically) and well, makes me laugh.

It has been three weeks and we have not met up yet. I like the way it is going, I like the old fashioned way of discovering each other before meeting up.

There has been a couple of times when I fear losing my single life. Also, I don't know if it is me being too paranoid about the few red flags that has popped up on this guy, but maybe it's too early to tell.

And yes, suddenly I have to make time to fit in a relationship... two to three hours on the phone is a lot!

Ruff,

Let me know if things don't work out and you want to hang out with an average guy who is in the process of a divorce who isn't very bright but has a bubbly personality. I also sport an overly affectionate dog, a bit of credit card debt and a shoulder tick. Other than that...I'm charming.

In all sincerety...good luck...hope it all works out.

CRM

LOL CRM!

Shoulder tick could be interesting!

Col, you made my day!

The pickings on my local matchmaking website are very slim and most men don't write back. In fact, I am feeling a little miserable this morning because the attractive technical philosopher and I have not spoken for three days and I am going away for the long weekend.

Do guys need encouragement all the time? I'm confused. It looks like I need to initiate contact with philosopher before he starts talking. But when he talks, he talks a lot - our first voice conversation was four hours. He is very affectionate and endearing and tells me he misses me if I don't write or call him*. But it works the other way round too! In fact, I thought guys like to be the ones to pursue.

I can't figure this guy out. Any help will do.

Sad Ruff

*Maybe he is one of the guys who is very good with words, openly affectionate and I am just very smitten by his many verbal bouquets. I am lost!
I should just settle with an average guy with a good sense of humor, lots of affection and grow old gracefully together. I'm made simple.

Hmmm

I'm not sure you could catagorize all men...especially someone who calls themselves a 'technical philosopher.' Some people will wait to have someone initiate conversation...always. My sister is like that...she'll lament that someone hasn't called when maybe he's waiting on the call.

Who could argue with a 4 hour phone conversation; there had to be a lot of chemistry there.

It won't hurt for you to continue to initiate until you get a clear understanding of what side of the fence he's on. It would be terrible to blow a good thing with guessing games.

Good luck,

CRM

Over the last few days I have initiated a few contacts via email and online chat, but he does not pick up.

It's strange isn't it? We started off very well, flirting, emailing, chats and long phone calls every night, then towards my weekend away, he turns off all taps and would not reply my emails and makes himself unavailable... I just don't understand! And I think it is cruel... is this traits of passive aggressive behaviour?

Sigh.

he's probably married or living with someone...just my guess

LOL!

I should just stop obsessing and move on.

Good idea!!!

His loss. Red Flag. If I found a single woman attractive I would not avoid her.

You could stop obsessing, that would be a good start. Does he know that you're going out of town? Perhaps he's making other plans with someone who will be in-town. There is no right or wrong in his choice in doing so. From in internet perspective it's possible to initiate multiple threads of varying interest and it becomes a juggling act of setting priorities based upon the most amount attention being received at the moment versus who is rated as having the most overall apparent value. When the better offer comes along, lesser priorities are shelved, either temporarily or permanently. Hence, the investment of the long up-front getting to know you period is often a waste of time and phone minutes. You'll know 90% of what you'll need to know about another person within the first 5-minutes of meeting them in person. All the rest is prelude and may actually preclude having anything to talk about in person. Limit the calls to arranging the meets. Text when possible. Less is more. The needy always demand more, the confident get by with less.

Also, an important point that took me some time to learn is that everyone is free to choose who they want and if they don't choose you its fully in their prerogative not to and there is no harm nor foul in doing so. The same goes for you. Low expectations make for better dating. Not everyone you'll meet will add value to your life, and then most can add value as a friend but most people are not emotionally mature enough to see the benefit in that. Not everyone you meet will yield a mutual romantic interest for you. The emotionally immature will have irrational reactions, the emotionally mature will consider if there is a possibility that the person could add some sort of value in a non-romantic fashion. Not every one has the possibility of being "the one".

Date smarter.

Yes booka!

Thank you for the reminder

Good luck with the internet dating. I found it was really the ONLY way to date as a single mother who works full-time and didn't want to hook up at bars and couldn't go to church with the mindset to meet men. I kind of went to actually listen to the sermon. LOL.

Anyway, I went on tons of dates. Had a few relationships. Then I met my guy. We've been happily married since June.

If something doesn't work out, don't sweat it. It wasn't meant to be. God has a plan and the one for you will present when the time is right. In the meantime, have a blast. ((((hugs))))

Loni

Thanks for the encouragement Loni.

I didn't get a lot of responses and haven't gone on a single date! I did want to meet up with a guy after a couple of emails and phone calls, but the last phone call made me so uncomfortable, I decided not!

Anyways, I have about 6 weeks left from my subscription and decided not to take this too seriously. Last night I changed my profile-- made it sound very funny and casual. If I am not getting many responses, I might as well use it as a test base to see what kind of writing/profile makes me most attractive, and what kind of man it would attract! It's the same info about me, just presented in a very different manner.

Wish me luck. After a slice of the possibility of having someone, I feel some emptiness. If I hadn't started all this, I wouldn't have known what I missed. It would be nice to have someone to talk to or cuddle up when I am very stressed or tired and need some pampering!

I have another question, since you mentioned God.

I specified that I am looking for Christians only, but none of the people whom I get from the internet are Christians.

My picker keeps pointing to the wrong persons. Like in my twenties, I am still attracted to those with a little kink to their personalities. I was attracted to this guy who didn't believe in God... he was interesting, witty and very charming and I was facing huge, adulterous temptation even though I know there is no chance we could be together because of the different beliefs that departs from my Christian background. I don't know how to put all this into perspective... am I being on trial? A test?

I say often that the people we are naturally attracted to are actually the worse for us. People tend to pick the same time over and over and expect different results. Look up Einstein's theory of insanity. I recommend that you find someone who is more like you than opposite of you. There are some very good books written on the subject of attraction and the general premise of some is that we are attracted to someone who we feel can offer us what we feel we were shortchanged on in childhood, and that we tend to emphasize their abilities to meet our childhood needs while obscuring their own needs, which may be very different from our own, and their own problems, which again can be very different from our own. You have to work at working against your natural attractions and making more rational choices.

I don't feel that your being tested, what you pick is in accord with your own free will, which allows you the option to change.

As I said, my comments were in general and there are always exceptions. Perhaps you are one, although your tone and characterizations lessen the validity of your message for me.

booka, is the above message for me? I have no idea what you mean,'lessen the validity of your message for me'. Huh?

No it is not to you, it is to the person I quoted in my reply, whomever they are.

"lesson the validity of your message" is a polite way of me saying something else to the other poster. The emotionally mature person does say what they might really think about the other poster when nothing nice can be said about them. It is better not to sink to their level and instead maintain our own high standards for behavior.

That doesn't mean we can't laugh about it in private!

Go ahead and experiment. It won't hurt to see what kind of responses you get. As for the attraction to the "wrong" type, can't help you too much except to say...make a small list of requirements. Think of qualities that you want in a long-term relationship and let that be a guideline.

Stay strong and let God help you along the way.

Loni

I am happy to report that I shall be going on my first date this weekend!

I have corresponded with this guy for about 50 days. I find him very interesting: we communicate every three days via phone and talk about three to four hours. He is articulate, intelligent, funny, well read, he cooks (yay for me!) and of course, he likes me!

We come from different countries, our cultural experiences are very different which I find stimulating. He doesn't share my passion for the outdoors and doesn't take vacations... and I am always planning for my next outdoor adventure. It keeps me fit. The only downside is, he is not a Christian and does not really share my Christian values although he respects it.

Anyhow, I am looking forward to meet him.

* I googled and saw more current photos of him -- he looks a bit like my xh!! LOL. Photos are only two dimensional, so we shall see.

Dated the above. No, it didn't go well. I had a bad throat, the venue was smoky and loud, with stupid lights shining in my eyes most of the time. He talked a lot but was also very reserved. Didn't get very personal. No contact after the date. I am disappointed.

Am on to the next one tomorrow.

... the selection of men on this website is paltry!
and there's only one matchmaking website in my entire country.

Ruff

I won't say that I am glad your date did not go well. Though I did not expect it to go that way when you wrote:

"We come from different countries, our cultural experiences are very different which I find stimulating. He doesn't share my passion for the outdoors and doesn't take vacations... and I am always planning for my next outdoor adventure. It keeps me fit. The only downside is, he is not a Christian and does not really share my Christian values although he respects it.

Anyhow, I am looking forward to meet him."

Why? Desperation?

There is nothing wrong with being different. As long as core values and beliefs are the same. Don't sell yourself short.

I cut my guy lose. We weren't a match.

Ronda

Road, ouch! But maybe yes, I was a little desperate. I got addicted to the attention. While I saw things in him that are good, I also saw many of his shortcomings.

I didn't have much of a choice. After our date, he hinted that I wasn't his type, physically, that is. So we are no more 'we'.


Allurin, what happened?

Did not want to make you say ouch. When anxious we sometimes can't wait for a result.

It's a feeling that I've had all along. I think he has many women. He would never go out of his way to talk to me. Like if I would call and he was on the other line he wouldn't switch over even just to tell me..."hey I'll call you right back" but yet when he was on the phone to me and someone else called he would hang up from me and take their call every time. I talked to his latest ex-gf today(she works near me) and she said within two weeks he was telling her that he loved her and was making plans for christmas presents (this was weeks before Thanksgiving) She said they dated less than a month...he says they dated 6 weeks. She said the meaner she was to him the more he would be clingy to her. I am just the opposite...and I think that was one of the problems...I wasn't mean enough and never could be. Oh well...he did me a favor. Better to find out now rather than later.

I cut another "friend" loose yesterday too. He's the one who can't quit talking about his ex-wife. I can't take his drama anymore.

After all this I'm reminded why I'm better off alone. I'm back to concentrating on my job, my kids and surviving day to day life. I'm convinced that the only men worth a hill of beans are the ones here on MB who are thousands of miles away from me. LOL

Ronda

Yes, you are fortunate to see this early.

Isn't life more peaceful after? LOL

LOL yes it is.

I went for my 2nd match date yesterday. We decided to meet after 3 or 4 very brief emails. He lives just the corner from my apartment so I picked him up.

We went for a long drive in the country, on one of his biking routes. It was beautiful! We stopped by a lake and watched some people fish. The weather was kind and the mists bounded on the pine trees on our way back to the city.

Went to a german restaurant for dinner, had wine, chatted till 9:30pm. He is two years older than I, never been married, talked quite a bit on his past two relationships. I realise now I am the only one on both match connections not needing to talk more than three sentences on any of my past relationships- lol, so totally over them. We both read, I find the books he is reading interesting and will certainly try to get a copy of the letters Ghandi wrote to his daughter Indira while in prison. My date talked about his relationship with his father, I talked about my drawings. I asked a lot of questions. We were together from 3:30pm till 9:30-- that's a lot of time on a first date!

My cough started again, I felt tired and wanted to go home. Oh I must mention that DateNo2 is of the same race as DateNo1 and has worked in country of DateNo1 - he helped me dispell some of the misconception I had about DN1, LOL I don't feel so bad about being dumped now. And I received a good morning can we go out again messsage fr DN2. He feels more like a friend than anything else, interesting but not stimulating. He is good looking and has nice brown eyes, a little small framed.

I've watched this thread some as I have dabbled in the online dating thing some. Have spoken with many a men, but met up with only one, after date # 2 he stopped communicating and it was like pulling teeth to get him to say why, said that I was to bossy!! Ok

I've kept my profile up, I live in an area that is very much rural. So distance is a big obstacle and with having to travel distances comes time constraints! But I having fun talking with the many different guys. Right now there are two Dan's, a Tim, a John, a Bill and a Randy that I communicate with at lease once a day via email. One of the Dan's is local and we are to meet one day during Christmas break, we've spoken on and off since August, he works in AK half the year so was gone!!! Am really liking Bill, he sends an email card each morning to start my day off!!! Tim is over 200 miles away and has never married and doesn't want kids, so he probably wouldn't handle my 5 grandsons well! John has a really sweet car, I love Mustangs!!!! He is someone that I would be interested in meeting but is 2.5 hours away, so will see if that transpires! Randy is sweet and was checking on me every day after my surgery but he too is 2 hours away.

Like I said I am having fun, am keeping things in perspective!!! It's nice to get the attention. I was told last night twice that I was beautiful, and that is not something x had ever said to me!!

Just thought that I would share!!!

Dawn

Interesting, Dawn!
I was just thinking this morning- it's all about the number of people you meet, screen, keep or discard, isn't it?

I like your new friendships. I was asked out for a second time by DudeNo2... am not wanting to go because he sent too many texts and emails this past week- only a week after we met -- he sounds needy. I know men are visual, but a lot of them and this one in fact, described what he thinks I am wearing on a particular day when I am at work. He is fantasizing me in a Bogart movie. Creeps me out when guys think of me that much, in that way.

Ruf--That would freak me out!!!

I just spent 3 hours on the computer and talking to 2 different guys, there is a blizzard going on out side right now so not much else to do!!! Well I did have a lot of stuff for Christmas that needs to be ready to send Monday, but have all day tomorrow, right!!!

Was to talk on IM to Bill tonight late as he had other plans early in the evening, but I think that I am headed to bed as I am dog tired.

It's been interesting learning about these guys, it takes quite awhile for them to open up.

I did give my number to John, and he is to call tomorrow. Did not give it to Bill yet, have the opportunity to meet him nex Saturday morning for a brief breakfast!

I had one guy call me when I first went online after chatting for about a week and he had this really squeaky voice that just about drove me insane, I just couldn't meet him!!! I felt bad!!

I have a girlfriend that has been doing the internet thing for about a year or so and she has been out on at least a dozen dates/meets, two of them lasted for quite a while each. But I know that she talked to a lot of guys.

So anyways we will see what comes of it all!!

Take care!!
Dawn

I have my photo up and I think my profile is a-okay.
I initiate about 5 - 7 new contacts every two weeks and maybe 1 or 2 people reply (sometimes none). I get a lot of winks and a couple of introductions. I reply to those who write me only. I don't write to those who are outside my age group and who are still married or separated. I don't respond to winks because my targetted age group is mid forties till early fifties. At this age group, I do not expect the men to be shy.

I have a couple of contacts from outside my country. It's already hard to have a relationship when you see each other face-to-face, I can't see how long distance will work.

That leaves me very few choices!

I am writing to one only this week.

From a guy's view:

"he had this really squeaky voice that just about drove me insane, I just couldn't meet him!!! I felt bad!!"

Don't feel bad. There are deal breakers for every one.

"I don't respond to winks because my targeted age group is mid forties till early fifties. At this age group, I do not expect the men to be shy."

I don't know what a wink is. I do know that if a guy was shy that's one possible reason why he has not been snatched up off the Man Lot. And, people can be shy at any age. Just because they are not shy after they were married, does not mean that they won't go back to being shy when widowed or divorced.

I am not available to date. May be it's because my wife won't let me.

My point is that may be it's my being over 50. The thought of going online to decide if I want to date some one is not the problem. The problem is how can you decide if there is that chemistry without a in person contact.

In ones youth verses 50 plus, what was a deal breaker then verses' now. In the movie sleepless in Seattle. The client Tom Hanks dated was had a laugh that was a deal breaker. Actually this character was not endearing in any way to me. So if her laughing could be removed I still would not want to date her.

Now the Meg Ryan role. If Meg's character was changed only so she had that same sounding laugh. I think I could overlook her crazy laugh and still want to date her.

Ruf,

Here is what I have up for a profile along with a very nice pic that my daughter took while we were doing her senior shots, it's a close up and I do get alot of compliments on the pic.

Profile:What I would like you to know about me... I am a loving, caring and kind person. I would consider myself to be very loyal and very attentive to others.

I hope to someday find a man that would compliment the type of person I am. And that I might compliment the type of person he is so that we might form one awesome team!!!

I love to flirt and to tease, and sometimes that is as much fun long distance as when in the same room, Flowers for no reason, text messages or emails just to say Hey I care, blow me away!!! I love to do random acts of kindness for others. It's fun to watch them look at people around them and ask themselves could it be her?

Now If I was sitting with your best friend and he was telling me all of the reason that I should go out with his buddy, what might he be saying to me? What is the one thing that your mama would want me to know about you? The answer is not that he has clean underwear on!!!!

You should see some of the answers as to what their friends would tell me.

The Road--I felt bad only cause I am sure that that has happened to that guy before with the squeky voice. It's just one of those I couldn't get over!!

I look at profiles with pics only, and with 5 years on either side of my age, those are the guys that I have the most in common with, except maybe the grandparent thing, I married young and so did my kids, so hence me being a gma at this age!!! Some guys think that is kind of neat.

I still will keep it all in perspective, I am meeting 3 of the guys in the next week or two and will see if there is any chemistry, I am feeling a real draw to the one, but not sure, he likes my corky sense of humor!!! Which is good!!! The one is just so sweet though!!! Perspective!!!!

Dawn

Dawn, thanks for sharing. The part about what their friends would tell you is very good!

I definitely have to write to more people. At least, I should use this time as my 'practise dating' phase. Meet lotsa people, make new friends and not get discouraged by rejection.

Ruf---you pretty much said it all yourself!!!!! Have fun!!!!

I just asked them what was a biggy with them when they meet a lady. Very interesting answers. And definitely not perverted!!!

No I did fess up to looking at a smile and then the butt!!!! But hey when you are playing quarters at the table with a bunch of friends things move fast!!!

Dawn

My next date will fly in on Saturday. I have approached this person from a very different perspective. We talked about theater and inter-cultural communications and coincidentally, I am starting my masters in communications next year. Am having a frantic week looking at alternative universities before I register at the local university. Coincidence because he is a lecturer and all we talk about now are the alternative universities I should be researching. He might even teach the electives in my course!

This is the only person with whom the topic of 'relationship' is furthest away. I am very comfortable with this although it also feels a little strange. Should it? I have not asked for a photo, so I have no expectations and I feel better this way. A real blind date.

I'll post a note on winks. There are scenarios where people are not current subscribers to whatever service your on. They may still browse for free and send winks. Should you respond to a wink, it might give them the impetus to subscribe and escalate the conversation to emails, etc.

I am positive that my best results will come from networking. I will meet my first locally produced referral tomorrow. It appears that my fiend and fellow alderman and his friend have been acting like mother hens in an effort to set me up with someone. The whole process has both an air of excitement and and air of amusement. I'll give the full report in one of my weekend updates.

booka, i replied to a couple of winks... and also did the last round of men whom I find a little interesting, there have been no replies for two weeks...

but anyhow, this is not what today's post is about.

I learnt a lot this Christmas.

I never really understood the beatitudes I studied in Matthew earlier this year, blessed are the meek, the humble in spirit, etc. I serve in the mute ministry in my church. This group of people are not very well educated and they do not understand English, much less read the bible in English. But they are always very enthusiastic in learning about God. They get very excited when they understand a sermon, they are always witty, chatty and my, do they have a lot of friends!

A new couple walked in to our mute service this Christmas. They walked in arm in arm, which I thought was a little odd-- usually couples hold hands. It is only at lunch time that I observed them and found that the husband is both deaf and mute, and the wife blind. How do they communicate when the wife cannot see the husband signing? How does the husband hear?

The husband holds the wife's hands as he is signing. This couple is holding hands, signing all the time!! Wow... I wish you saw the way they communicate. They are so close, so intimate because much of the signs are held near the face, the heart and the body. The husband tells the wife that the elder and I are leaving as we say our goodbyes.

They are so blessed to have each other. It makes what I do online pale in comparison, I who have eyes to see and ears to hear, judge and chuckle at poor profiles and evaluate men like I already know everything. I am humbled by this couple who have so little, yet so much. Indeed, God gives us what we need in our lives.

It's nice that you found some inspiration in the couple from church. Sometimes I feel a dynamic that is under appreciated in a relationship is some adversity. Once we hit the plateau of comfort, there relationship danger lurks. But as much as we take inspiration, have good thoughts, etc., it does not solve the problem that you an I don't have partners. We still need to get out there and work hard at finding someone. For me it's been a long and hard road, although I learned many important lessons along the way, including both what I want and don't want, good things to know about yourself!

I had a mediocre Christmas. I like Dr. Seabird would in general prefer to be somewhere else. I've never been to the Florida Keys, I feel that would be the perfect place to be for Christmas. Maybe next year.

I have loads of philosophy derived form experience in the online dating environment that will someday translate into a book. I think what you will find a common theme is that a lot of people deal with multiple prospects at a time. They rank them and generally communicate with them in the order that they're ranked. This may mean that we're ranked low and that it may take some time for the other person to eliminate some of their more promising and highly ranked prospects. I could launch into a giant diatribe on the tenuous nature of the online dating world and people in general, but suffice it to say that perseverance can help your position. We all want it and we want it now, but life is complicated, there are many outside influences that could prevent someone from communicating in the time period that we would prefer. Stay calm, cool, and collected.

Life is short but making a bad choice makes life seem much shorter. I might trademark that one!

Thanks booka, for the thought. I always learn something from your posts. Dawn said the same thing- multitasking, persistency and most importantly, have fun! I am beginning to enjoy meeting new people now, and am not as shy as I used to be.

I have pretty much covered everyone who's remotely interesting and within my age group and 200km area. Have registered at a eharmony to see if there's anyone from my country.

Ruf--Merry Christmas!!!

I am home alone tonight as my daughter is working and have a ton of stuff to be doing but find myself sitting in front of the computer.

Haven't been here for awhile have some health concerns, that I am dealing with still!!!!

I read and caught up, what country do you live in?

I love the story about the couple in church, you do have to wonder how they communicate, but know that God is there!!!

You'll have to let us know about the lecturer, this weekend!!!

For myself, I meet Bill last weekend, no real chemistry, meeting was short, my girlfriends were there I tried getting him to wait for breakfast. Dan # 2 is just too busy to meet!!! I am down to one short email a week, it's hunting season, and it's just one of those things you learn to understand. John and I are still conversing and have spoken on the phone many times and text on a regular basis, just texted him now as I know he is at a family dinner with "wanted 2 vibrate your pocket." He thought that was funny. Tim decided grandkids were probably about the same as kids. Dan #1 and I have decided email buds it is!!! I have talked once or twice with a few guys that have flirted or emailed me, but nothing more has been established.

But I am having fun, keeping my perspective and have a smile or two while reading the messages.

Dawn

I've been to Key West several times Dutch. If you decide to make that trip, let me know. It's a great place to spend some time, but unless you're a dedicated fisherman or diver, anything more than about 3 days can get a little monotonous. There aren't really any beaches to speak of.

I'm reading "A Moveable Feast" right now. I think I could handle a few weeks in Paris.

In 1920.

Dawn, Merry Christmas and I hope you are feeling better.

I live in the capital city of Malaysia, Kuala Lumpur-- with a population of 2.7million people and where women outnumbers men 2:1!

It sank with the lecturer... I wasn't even running late and he texted me to hurry because the restaurant was getting full. Said he would eat first and I could have a sandwich elsewhere when I come, and that he has allocated half an hour with me because he needs to pack (at 7pm!) for a flight tomorrow. I told him to enjoy his meal, I'll see him when he comes back. Ugh!

You're in contact with so many people! My 2009 resolution is to crawl out of my introverted self to reach out to more people.

Google Map of Kuala Lumpur

Ruf,
What a neat place to live!!! 2:1 isn't good odds tho!!!

The place I live is less then 5K the next town is 85K with lots of little towns around 1-2K and lots of grasslands, cattle and horses, very rural. I do live within an hour of Mt Rushmore in the Black Hills, still not to many to pick from for guys with teeth!!!

I am on singlesnet.com and plentyoffish.com either let you receive emails from those interested without paying, singles you can send flirts and receive emails from paying members.

Like I said I only do picture profiles and not ones where they held the camera at arms length and snapped a shot, those scare me!!!! I read the profile and look for something that I might comment back on if I can email and then I do, I hear back from about every 4th guy. Distance is usually the problem 2-4 hour car trips aren't much fun just for a date.

Good luck and keep trying, he is out there just think of all the frogs you get to kiss in the mean time looking for that prince!!!

Dawn

Geez Ruffled, are these men really -that- clueless? I am flabbergasted. :crosseyedcrazy:

Wow! It's a small town indeed. Your persistence inspires me!

In Kuala Lumpur, about 70-75% of the population are muslims. They are governed by the Syariah law which means their spouses must enter Islam and never the other way round. So my frogs must come from the remainder of the population, age 45 -53, single or divorced, educated, has a job and is sane.

Seabird, aye, I have not yet said anything about the table manners, snorting, vigorous leg shaking and butt scratching!

Match is about the only decent dating website because it's paid. eharmony has 1 candidate in Malaysia. Everyone from Salon in Malaysia is looking for a quickie. There's speed dating, but I don't really favour 5 minute interviews.

Still, I am not giving up!

I've given up for now....Too many shallow men out there! I'm still talking to a few that I've met but I deleted a few more today from IM, cell phone and email and I've let them each know why. I've decided to slowly weed them all out and whoever is still standing by the first of the year will stay. If no one is left standing then I'm going to give it a rest and walk away.

Hmmm... I often let my contacts know why I do not think we are a good match-- politely. The younger ones are gracious, but the older ones, especially if there has been a few emails, are rude or don't get it!

I start school next week so will give it a couple of months rest (while new people sign on) and resume later. Meanwhile, I'll meet people the traditional way... at school, amongst my friends, at events, at the hardware store.

Heheh... I once heard a long time ago (before I was married) that grocery stores were the new singles bars. At the tail end of my separation as the paperwork was being finalized, I used to hit this Kroger Signature store located in one of the wealthier areas of town. There's also a lot of other shopping and restaurants in the area. The only reason I went there was because it was convenient at night after my run at the park. I kept my eyes open for single women, wondering if it would be a good place to meet someone eventually. Window shopping more than anything else. I doubted I'd even have the nerve to hit on some strange woman. The pickings there didn't seem particularly interesting compared to any other grocery store.

Last month my GF and I were in there shopping for T-giving (I think) on a Sunday afternoon. HOLY COW!!! There were single women all over the place, dressed to the nines and on the prowl. The way they'd openly look me (and the other men there) over and attempt to flirt if Jill happened to step away from the cart caught me totally off guard. It actually scared me a little that she'd come back to find some woman chatting me up.

I finally asked her not to walk away from me like that anymore. At first she looked perplexed but when I explained it to her, she got this "Oh, yeeeeeeah..." look on her face and laughed. Apparently that store is a known post-Sunday brunch singles spot. A couple of the contemporary adult radio stations here (ones that I don't listen to) even do singles events there from time to time.

LOL! Do you guys have full size supermarkets Ruffled? Try one of those. Get all painted and lacquered up some Sunday and see if you can't get lucky in the meat dept. :P

Seabird, I do live very near the poshest area of town, where only german and other european cars park. I do my grocery there, but since I don't cook, it's not very frequent. I noticed the pedicured and plunging neckline ladies! Good lord! Teach me some pick up lines!! LOL.

Come to think of it, I do remember turning heads when heading there after my haircut appointment.

At the hardware store, I often don't know how to work things, so it's easy for me to ask for help. The posh area do not have hardware stores because they get their househelp to do all the fixing!

I don't know what world you grocery shop in, but I wish I was there. Eye candy while drudgingly selecting weekly sustenance is a dream. My local Piggly Wiggly just isn't cutting it. Maybe it has something to do with the name. lol

Whatdayaknow! I started studying for my masters in January and all the online matches I have have been helping me with studies and research. There's a professor, a researcher, a consultant in my field of studies... talk about luck!

Hey Ruffled, I used to live in KL (1995-1998). I'm sure it has greatly changed as when we left there was so much construction going on. We lived in Mont Kiara. I loved my time there - in fact one of the most magical things I ever did was going on a trip to see the fireflies at night. It is one of my most treasured memories - an experience you just couldn't capture on film. It's a great city!

TT!

Haven't seen you around for a while! How are things with H? Yes, Mont Kiara has tripled its population (maybe even more) now. It has many new restaurants and is the new upscale place to hang out. Parking is horrendous, worse than the late 90s.

I am enjoying life now... work is good, I enjoy going back to school and should've done it even earlier. I date once in a while, and am doing less outdoor activities since studying takes up most of my free time. xh is a thing of the past...

*TT I have been thinking of you last night. It has been six years since xh left. Six years that flew by in a blink of an eye. And I was married for seven years... imagine that.

very concrete, but not how the human attraction works. . . try reading the book "Blink" and particularly the psych experiments about speed dating, and the differences between the lists and the actual attraction. . .

many on here and people of whom I have met who said that they married for "list" reasons, most of them had unfulfilling relationships because list reasons are not the reasons why people are attracted to one another. . .

wiftty

yep am thinking of changing my profile again.

have been getting guys who have no topics for conversation. they just come to stare at me.

i have already stated that i enjoy men who are articulate and funny: i didn't even mention intelligent!

BTW, my X gave me "list" reasons why she didn't love me anymore. . . "not tall enough", not the right career. . . etc. so she went out in the world to date her list reasons, tall and had to be a certain career. . . so far, she is empty. . by herself. . . the "list" reasons do not suggest "relationship strength" personalities. . her "list" reasons found guys who got thrown out of apartments, who cheated, who were wandering through life peoples.

only "good relationship material" that can be uncovered by interaction and observation, and experience with the person. The best situation "uncovering" is travel with the person to see their reactions to many different situations, such as lousy rooms, delays, disappointments, problems to solve. . .

what you want to find out is how your acquaintences handle problems, before he/she has to handle a problem with you. . . or you to his problems. ..

wiftty

They were also online at the same time! Remember, this was Friday night - probably between 9 and 10 pm so wifey is upstairs putting the kids to bed while the creeps are sitting in the basement looking for sex!!!!


Lisa11

Huh? What?

LOL Lisa, I don't have webcam. We are on a 'date' and they have nothing to say to me. If I am in a good mood, I shall initiate small talk. Most times if they can't talk on the phone I don't bother meeting up.

Ruff has covered everyone in her COUNTRY.
Am doing India now, hahahaha.