Marriage Builders
Posted By: TrulyHappytoBe Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/06/08 01:14 PM
I haven't seen any of her posts in a while - just catching up to see how her move went.......

How's everyone else??

Laura
Posted By: BetrayedCajun Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/06/08 02:31 PM
She doesn't post anymore, but she left an update a few days ago, it's half way down the page, titled: A Quick Hello



Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/06/08 11:00 PM
Hi Laura, thank you for asking about me.

Yes, as Cajun said, I put a post up a few days ago that is somewhere around here...

I probably won't post much. I do still come around from time to time to see if anything catches my eye and if I feel I have something worth sharing I will share it. I just feel that I was not using the board for positive reasons and thus needed to break away for a bit.

I've learned that I do get pretty darn angry when I am betrayed or when people do really stupid things. I need to find healthier ways to deal with that kind of stuff. Here was not the place for it.

I've also learned that I cannot control others thus I shouldn't even try nor should I lower myself to that level. That has been a hard learn and I am sure I am still a work in progress there.

Eh, I'm not perfect either and I have stopped beating myself up over the past. The only one any of us can truly count on is God, all other humans are just that, human, and their will always be humans out there who will let us down. I try my best not to, but I am sure I have let people down before too. Oh well.

As far as my move, it went great. We love it here and it feels so good to put the past in the past. That old town held wayyy too many bad memories, way too many. I now feel free. A new start.
Still waiting for the buyers of my house to close on it. Should be done by August 15. Been busy with my kids. My son went to an awesome hockey camp and I am so proud of him. They are making friends and soon we will be in full fall sports swing. Job is going well and it is nice to live practically down the road from my job now.

We are very blessed and very happy.

Hope you are well yourself Laura.

Michelle (yup, I signed my name. I just don't care who knows if I am here anymore. NOPE. don't care.)

Posted By: newly Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/07/08 01:11 PM
Nice to hear from you.
I was just thinking of you and wondering where you live now. Is it much farther upstate than before.
No chance for a fall MB gettogether?
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/07/08 02:17 PM
newly,

it is only 30 minutes from where we were before, so no farther upstate. (you can't get much farther upstate lest you want to live in canada!) lol

iwillfearnoevil and i were still thinking of maybe a september get together. had no other takers at the time. any dates in september work for you newly?

Posted By: newly Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/07/08 02:30 PM
My non-kid weekends should be Sept. 5th, and 19th (but I have a wedding reception on 9/20 so I couldn't travel upstate).
Let me know if you get together. I think you have my email address.

Enjoy your new life and fresh start.
Posted By: booka Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/07/08 05:38 PM
There are also humans that will pick you up, dust you off, an set you aright. There are humans that will cheer for you. There are humans that will and do love you.

I know how good it is to make a fresh start. Make the best of it!

I wish you good fortune.
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/07/08 08:03 PM
Thanks Booka, you are awesome and say the best things as always.

Yes, you are right. I am trying to soften up from getting a bit hardened by the humans who DON'T do those things. I will in time I am sure.

Drop me a line sometime.. I still have the same email. Would love to hear how things are going for you Mr. Politician.. :-)
Posted By: TrulyHappytoBe Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/08/08 01:13 PM
Hey girl!

Glad to hear that things are going well for you and the kids.

I am bummed that I live in Chicago - no way for me to get up for a MB get-together.....I'd love to meet some of my fellow "dee-vor-cays".........

Have a great weekend!
Laura
Posted By: starving Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/08/08 02:13 PM
Where do you all live in NY? I was in Lake Placid last month w/my BF, no kids. First visit to upstate NY. Ohmigosh what a great place. I was ready to move there.

Next summer, I plan to rent a cottage somewhere in the Adirondacks and take the kids.They would LOVE it.
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/08/08 09:54 PM
we are in the adirondacks starving, not far from where you were :-)
Posted By: cyllanlisa Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/08/08 10:10 PM
Glad to hear that the move went well.

I was just in your neck of the woods as well - vacation in Bolton Landing. Great place. Did Lake Placid a few years back (my brother did the Iron Man). Love Upstate NY.
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/11/08 11:46 AM
Thanks Cy, nice to hear from you grin

Wow, the iron man huh? I have a lot of respect for those people, those races are hard.
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/11/08 11:54 PM
newly,

what dates do you have available in october?

Posted By: starving Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/15/08 09:25 PM
Cy,
That's why I was there too.. the Ironman. I was a volunteer. BF did the thing. Cool place! Relaxing too (for me at least!)
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/16/08 12:44 AM
i was there for iron man! the last day of it i was bringing my son to canam hockey camp (it was the first day of camp) and we got so stuck in traffic and rerouted and on and on LOL and it was pouring rain. ugh!
Posted By: starving Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/16/08 04:08 AM
Oh how funny. You could have passed me standing at one of those barricades yelling at the racers. Of course, who would have known anyone that day...it started raining during the swim and didn't stop until the last finishers were coming in off the marathon. Steady, hard rain too. The whole infield of the skate track was a mud hole. Ugh is right!

Will let u know in advance the next time I'm in the area. Hope to see better weather then!

Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/16/08 01:14 PM
ok, that would be fun.
they would not let me drive up to the olympic arena to pick up my son from the ice so we were directed a back way and told we could get through that way. so, we go the back way and are told we cannot access the back way either, we have to park way over there and either walk or wait for a shuttle bus! this was at 8:30 at night in the rain trying to get to my son who was waiting! grrr... we parked and walked as we had missed the shuttle. me in my cute summer sandals, not so good for walking up a pretty much straight up hill LOL

i was glad when that night was over.
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/30/08 01:15 PM
so, the exH and ow are back together.
unfreakin believable!

just when all was going well in my world.
i don't care what he does. he can screw a goat for all i care, but i worry about my kids. so far he has not brought her around them YET, but it is only a matter of time before it is "look guys, daddy and ho ow are working things out. we just needed some time and space." yeah, time and space after she threw he and my kids out of her home so she could be with some other guy.

let's see: she screwed around on her husband of only about 4 months not only with my husband at the time, but some other guy as well. she went back and forth between her H and mine moving out on her h, moving back in, moving out again. (her patterns don't seem to change much as she is doing it all over again). wrecks the last thread of hope in my marriage while my inlaws were here from Alaska trying to help me save my marriage. my h moves in with her when i throw him out. i keep my kids away for about a year from her until legally i no longer could. once they are around her the manipulation begins. she lies to them, plays them, uses them. her and her family try to buy their affection with ridiculously expensive toys. tells them they can have one of their dogs there (it was my exes dog and i told him to take him with him when he left) then, screams at the dog and tells the kids he can't stay there and they are told if he does not find a home he will have to go to the pound causing them great anguish and tears. my ex allows her to treat them this way. so i take the dog back. more manipulation. then all of a sudden she is screwing around on my ex and she is not there when the kids go for visitation. next thing she is telling my ex he has to leave, never explains a thing to my kids, just leaves them hanging. (what do you expect of a selfish heartless b*tch anyway?). i take the kids for a few weeks that he is supposed to have them because he says it is not bearable for them to be there right now until he moves out. nice. he gets a place and now she is done with this other dude and is back in with my ex?

this just proves that what he said to me all those years ago was true: he cares about no one else but number 1. because if he cared about his kids at all he would not have a woman in his life who has continually hurt our kids and threw them out of her home!

i just don't get it. she must be an awful good piece of a** or something for him to keep taking her back when she has done such awful things to his own children.

i'll have to have a long sit down with my kids when he does start bringing her around them again. they feel rejected by her and him as it is. and they both told me that spending time with their father was so much nicer since she was no longer in the picture. and i will admit that it has been much easier to deal with him with her out of the picture as well. guess that will all be down the toilet now.

i don't suspect it will last again, her history proves that. i just pray to god to protect my children and that he keeps her away from them. after her throwing their father out of her home so she could be with some other guy, believe me their feelings for her have changed quite a bit.

i am so glad we moved away!!!!!

all i care about is protecting my children from his bad choices.

Posted By: cyllanlisa Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/30/08 04:56 PM
Wow, what a soap opera. Sorry for the kids. I'm glad you moved, too. Are you all settled in? Kids back at school yet? As I recall, my brother completed the race in 11 hours maybe? Those atheletes just amaze me!
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 08/30/08 06:10 PM
Hi cyna!

We are settled in for the most part. I sold some of my furniture when we moved as this house is smaller so I still need to buy a few things and I want to do some painting, but other than that, it is home and we love it.

Kids start school next week. They are nervous but I plan to be very involved in their schooling so I will keep an eye on them.

Yes, it is a soap opera and one I am glad I am very far removed from. This move has done ME a world of good. I have been able to put so much behind me. BUT, I just am concerned for my kids and them being around her. Nothing I can do about it of course, unless I go back to court for full custody, and that is costly. I will just sit back and see what unfolds. It may be over again before it even starts. I don't put too much faith in either one of them!

11 hours huh? I did not see the paper to see what the times were for the winners. I have a HUGE respect for those who do those races. I am in ah at what good shape they are in!

Good to hear from you.

Posted By: cinderella Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/06/08 10:22 PM
Originally Posted by mlhbisme
so, the exH and ow are back together.
unfreakin believable!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

this just proves that what he said to me all those years ago was true: he cares about no one else but number 1. because if he cared about his kids at all he would not have a woman in his life who has continually hurt our kids and threw them out of her home!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

all i care about is protecting my children from his bad choices.

Originally Posted by mlhbisme
So, I was googling my name the other day, just because it had been mentioned to me that you could find out a lot about a person by doing that.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I scroll down a bit and lo and behold, there is my soon to be exh's name (it did matches on my full name, just my first name, and just my last name when I typed in my whole name) on a wedding registry page with ow!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Anyway, I click on the site of course as I just had to. It is pretty lame and pretty brief. Gives a wedding date of sept 12, 2008. Well, imagine that, our divorce isn't even final yet. LMAO!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

After lmao, I realized how stupid she is. She just gave me exactly what I need to PROVE they were in an affair, as she put down the date they met and started dating!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Too funny. rotflmao



Something here doesn't compute.
Posted By: committedandlovi Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/07/08 03:03 PM
Quote
Something here doesn't compute.

You are right.

It doesn't.

committed
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/07/08 04:20 PM
all right. I get the picture and the point.

move on.

mlhb
Posted By: committedandlovi Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/07/08 04:56 PM
Originally Posted by mlhbisme
all right. I get the picture and the point.

move on.

mlhb

Hopefully you do, can and will.

committed
Posted By: TrulyHappytoBe Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/07/08 07:04 PM
MLHB -

This is the last I'm gonna say on the subject. When I found MB, I took everyone's comments/suggestions at heart and truly listened to what they had to say - and it helped me tremendously. I see that you seem to get upset and mad and then lock your threads. Why is that?

I think everyone here is trying to help - not attack - but you interpret everything as an attack - and your responses sure indicate your tone, when you don't like what it said.

I had posted about some BF troubles a while ago, and AGoodGuy pretty much ripped me a new one. After a day or two of contemplating his advice - guess what? He was right. I think I jumped back on a few days later and admitted to such, and thanked him for his advice...........

It saddens me that you seem to be stuck in the same patterns.....

So, as you suggested, I will move on......hopefully you will to.

Laura



Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/07/08 11:15 PM
Truly,
I had my thread locked because I didn't want it to turn into something ugly or get drawn out. I have a complete difference of opinion on some of the things that were said and I did not feel like arguing about it.

I do hear what some are trying to say, those who say it in a constructive and non-aggressive rude way. Although I am sure committed means well, her posts to me always come across, in my opinion, as kind of rude. Nothing against you committed, I am sure you are a fine person, I just do not see eye to eye on much of what you say. That's just me. You are not right or wrong and neither am I, I just don't agree with you. Period. And that's ok.

Truly, I did not want to beat a dead horse either. No, my divorce is not final. It is not because it sits in the hands of a judge who is NOTORIOUSLY SLOW at signing divorces. I was warned this by my lawyer and even know on of our local cops who could not have any pull with the judge to get his own divorce signed any faster. He takes months and months to sign them. My ex and I have been apart for three years now. And my moving has helped me tremendously to move forward.

I just don't see my clicking on a wedding registry and finding it's contents amusing, as me taking steps back or being wrong. I found it funny is all and thought others would see the humor in it as well. I came across it quite accidentally, and just thought it funny. I think people are looking wayyyyyyyy too much into this.

Do I think I am ready to date at this very single moment? No I do not. I have PURPOSELY not dated since exbf and I broke up over a year ago so I could work on myself and my life and make it what I want it to be. I have sold a house, moved a new location, done well in my job, and want to finish my bachelors so I can have the career I want to have. I put all of my other energy into my kids and make sure they have the best childhood they can have despite what they have been put through.

Maybe I am not 150% recovered but who here is?
I would venture to say that a lot of us here would look at a wedding registry that had our exes and ow's name on it, because curiosity is a part of human nature.
And I just think a bigger deal was being made out of my thread than needed to be.

I am not angry at anyone, I just don't want drama on here either by having ME and my actions be over analyzed.

So, yes, let's all move on.

mlhb
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/08/08 12:32 PM
Good Old Agg....

I will agree with you on that Truly...
As much as I tease him and tell him he is a stick in the mud (affectionately of course), he was right on the money with me in the past as well, as much as I did not want to admit it at the time. He was dead on. Shoulda listened...

I do deserve some 2x4s I get. We all do at times.
If not, we'd all just be perfect wouldn't we? And Lord knows we are not.

Anyway, on a brighter note, check out my weekend plans on Daybreak's thread... my son rocks!
Posted By: TrulyHappytoBe Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/08/08 03:29 PM
Tee hee on AGG -

I remember when he told me like it is - I was screaming at the computer screen - shaking my fists - screaming "who in the h*ll does he think he is???".........

Then, I said "well, he's right".....I was banging my head against the wall......

I HATE 2X4's......

Laura
Posted By: booka Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/08/08 04:11 PM
MLHB,

It's important not to allow ourselves to be drawn back into the drama of our exes. I had a recent reminder of this and have resolved to only discuss for business purposes anything with the XW and her band of group psychosis.

My dear old Mom told me something that sticks with me: Our exes are free to choose post-divorce who they want a relationship with. It's a way of letting go.

You still have anger and you allow them to draw you into their drama. The same for you know who, don't allow him to draw you into his drama. I'm sure you have enough drama in your life to not want to add anymore to it!

You are not defined by their behavior. It has no reflection whatsoever on you. Lead a good life and that's satisfaction enough.
Posted By: charliethree Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/08/08 04:44 PM
Originally Posted by booka
You still have anger and you allow them to draw you into their drama. The same for you know who, don't allow him to draw you into his drama. I'm sure you have enough drama in your life to not want to add anymore to it!

... speaking of which, read ronda's thread lol
Posted By: AGoodGuy Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/08/08 04:52 PM
Originally Posted by TrulyHappytoBe
Tee hee on AGG -

No wonder my ears were burning smile .

Quote
I remember when he told me like it is - I was screaming at the computer screen - shaking my fists - screaming "who in the h*ll does he think he is???".........

Oh, trust me, he's no smarter than the rest of y'all.. it's just that he has BTDT, got the t-shirt, learned to identify the detrimental behaviors, and to change them. Now, life is good and drama free, ahhhhhhh smile .

AGG
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/08/08 06:12 PM
Hey AGG, you old stick in the mud! How the heck are ya?

I agree with you all. Thank you Booka, you are totally right.

I was temporarily side tracked but thank you all for setting me straight.

onward and forward, onward and forward...

mlhb
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/08/08 06:14 PM
charlie 3

no offense, but please do not cause trouble where there isn't any.
it is a free forum where anyone can post.

thank you
mlhb
Posted By: charliethree Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/08/08 06:16 PM
yea... my bad
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/08/08 06:22 PM
thank you.

i would appreciate the past situation being left in the past.

i have not read alluring's thread nor do i plan to. her business is her business and mine is mine. we have that understanding.

thank you again for respecting that.

mlhb

Posted By: booka Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/08/08 06:30 PM
Originally Posted by charliethree
yea... my bad

You might want to re-examine your motives in trying to bait mlhb. I won't tell you that I thought it wasn't very emotionally mature, no I won't.
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/08/08 06:35 PM
On a different topic now.

If you pray, please keep me in your prayers.
I went to the doctor after experiencing some bizarre symptoms this summer. Long story short, I have been diagnosed with venous insufficiency. It is poor circulation in my lower legs. Not caused by anything I have done (I don't smoke and very rarely drink, maybe once a year at best, and try to take good care of myself), it is just something that happened. I have always had issues with water retention in my lower legs (ankles and feet) so the symptoms have always been there, they have just gotten worse as time has gone on.

The doctor said I will always have it. I have to try and keep my feet up at work and he prescribed a fluid pill. I have been drinking more water too. It is just something I will have to live with, but it was scary to me just the same. It is not anything real serious, but good thoughts are always good.

It just really makes you look at yourself and what maybe you could be doing better in the health department. I am going to make eating healthier more of a priority now and make sure to get in that exercise every day.

It's nothing terribly serious, but just shows me I am not invincible and I am not 20 years old anymore :-(

Thanks!

mlhb
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/08/08 06:37 PM
thanks for watching out for me booka!
always appreciated.

mlhb
Posted By: Ms_Manners Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/08/08 07:05 PM
Whether it matters or not...

I am stuck in divorce limbo, and am involved in a loving relationship with the most amazing man I have ever known. I would give anything on this Earth to have my marriage be over, but thanks to the slowest justice system in the world, here I sit waiting.

Am I an adulterer? Not at all. And, not one of you can tell me I am.

I find it hilarious that people judge others so openly. You have no idea why the situations are as they are, and unfortunately, it is out of our control at times.

MLHB... I would have clicked on the link too, cause it would have been funny to see what kind of crap they are hoping to get as gifts. Hope the info helps in your divorce situation. wink
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/08/08 07:23 PM
you can't worry too much about what others think ms. manners.

as i said before, differences of opinion is what makes the world go round.

you learn to take it with a grain of salt.

mlhb
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/10/08 12:00 PM
Out of site, out of mind.

I was doing much better when I had taken my furlough from here.
After much thinking, I have decided I am going to remove myself from the boards again. Call me dramatic, call me what you wish, but all I am going to say is, it is better for me not to be here right now. I also have concerns that anything I post of personal nature, or of concerns I have at the moment, may get back to ow since there is a person who decided to befriend her for whatever reason, and if it gets to her it will get to my ex, who is back with her, and I do not need that headache.

SO, it is all good.
And I do much better when away.

Thanks everyone, and I will continue to keep in touch with those on here that I have befriended, although most of you do know how to email me if you would like to.

Thanks to all again, and moderators, if you would, please lock this thread for me. I won't be back to read it any longer. Thank you.

I do this for ME and for no other reason. I know what is better for me right now.

mlhb
Posted By: Lucks Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/10/08 01:50 PM
Ok, I'll call you dramatic. mlhb, you're the one who keeps posting stuff. If you're afraid information will get back to OW, and therefore your STBX, locking a thread doesn't alleviate that concern. Seems to be more of an attempt to control others.

Just quit posting stuff if you don't want people to know about it! You've left before and popped right back. Heck, I doubt *I* could ever permanently leave so I'm not going to say any theatrical goodbyes.

I hope you get your ducks in a row. You do seem to be very...excitable. Who cares what STBX and OW think? But for any legal maneuvers, just hush up about everything except in the most general terms!
Posted By: cinderella Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/10/08 02:39 PM
:RollieEyes:

Yeah, mlhb, you can be dramatic.





cool

Lucks, I agree with you.







Posted By: maw64 Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/10/08 05:09 PM
Hey MLHB - I am with Lucks - who cares what STBX and OW care or think about you - or what you write.. You are not doing anything wrong... Obviously you come here because you find comfort and it is an outlet for you...Do not let other people run you away.... Stop saying goodbye and just hang around... geez - it is very easy to just read and reply when you feel the need you do not have to post topics.... If you want to vent publicly then do it.. but don't apologize for it and just take everyone's suggestions with a grain of salt..... In the end all you can do is listen and then do what you feel is best for you... Sometimes you may laugh at other people's suggestions and sometimes you may cry.... and sometimes you may want to scream.. but in the end no one is out to get you - they all want to help in some way......
Posted By: TrulyHappytoBe Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/10/08 05:48 PM
OK MLHB - This is about the sixth or seventh time you've said goodbye since I joined the forum a couple of years ago - and this is about the 12th or so thread that you've asked to be locked when you don't like the stuff that is said.

As for your STBXH and his OW - this is a sure sign that you're not "done" here......worrying about what gets back to them, etc......

I hope you find your happiness.....

Laura
Posted By: TrulyHappytoBe Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/10/08 05:49 PM
And, can you lock a thread that was originated by me???????????

This is my thread, not yours.....

Laura
Posted By: cinderella Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/10/08 06:59 PM
rotflmao
Posted By: committedandlovi Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/10/08 07:09 PM
Quote
And, can you lock a thread that was originated by me???????????

rotflmao

I spewed....BEFORE I rolled on the floor laughing.

Some people just gotta have the drama.

Shoot, if I ever "leave" I won't say a word.

I certainly wouldn't contiually make the "Goodbye Cruel MB" ones...only to keep showing back up.

Lorda mercy...there would probable be NO response if I did. laugh

committed
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/10/08 09:12 PM
Alright, I will be brutally honest and respond to all of you who posted.

Laura, I do like you and I do hear what you are saying. I forgot that you were the one that started the thread btw, so, sorry about that. I know I can be a frustrating person at times, I am well aware of that. When things get uncomfortable for me my first response is to get as far away from it as I can. I did not want to read or see the responses I was sure to get when I said I needed some time away right now. Over all Laura, I am a happy person. My one "fault" if that is what you wish to call it, and one I have always had to deal with, is that I do not let go of anger very well when I have been betrayed by someone. For some reason, I really take it personally, and when it happens over and over again by the same person, it really is hard for me to let go of. I know that is something I need to work on. I really really need to work on that.

In fact, it was not until I moved that I was able to finally start letting go of the anger and resentments I had towards my exh. I was doing pretty well with that until he got back together with ow. I have definitely not let go of the anger I have at her simply because a lot of it has to do with how she treated my kids. And as far as anyone else, I was doing well with letting go of that anger too until I saw them posting here again. It triggered me and the old feelings of, well, anger. Not due to anything other than being angry that this person befriended ow after KNOWING the pain she caused me and my kids. Befriending her had nothing to do with me, but it still cut for some reason.

Now, I did post about some concerns I had of a certain nature because I wanted some advice of what to do. There is nothing wrong with that. I figured someone might be able to relate and give some advice. I was of course concerned when I saw someone posting again, knowing they had befriended ow, and thought "oh crap, now she will probably find out and tell my ex what my plans might be" I never would have requested advice on the topic had I known he still read here, when he said he did not anymore. THAT was my concern there. I don't care what my ex and ow do or think as long as it does not effect my children. I do care if they find out what I might be thinking of doing. As another poster said, I guess I will just not be able to post anything of personal nature since I have that concern.

When I say that I am leaving, it does not mean forever, as is obvious from my past "good byes". What it means for me is that I need a break away until I am ready to come back. I do enjoy it here for the most part, and have made some really nice friends. But, when it gets to be a bit much, or the "drama" as you all say, is too much, then I need to be away for a bit, because contrary to popular belief, I don't like it.

I'm not perfect, far far from it. I know I have things I need to work on, like getting over anger. Not sure how I am going to do that quite honestly. I have prayed about it, I have been to counseling, I have read books. Usually the best way for me is to put it and the people out of my site, out of my mind, and far away. I guess that is not dealing with it, it is just covering it up. Any suggestions on how to let go of such deep seeded anger would be appreciated. Funny thing is, I am a pretty forgiving person. Just not when I have been asked forgiveness and forgiven people, and then they continue to do the things they wanted me to forgive them for! I also have an easier time letting go of anger when I am given a true apology, but, you don't always get those in life, and I have not learned how to move on without one I guess.

That is me, being completely raw and truthful.

If that is all funny to some, fine, take it as you wish.
I don't actually think it is funny at all because all other parts of me are happy except for the parts that can't get over anger.

If people would like to constructively have a dialogue about how they got over things like this, I would be very open to that.
I do feel I am very stuck in that part of my life, and it does effect other areas of my life whether I want to admit it or not.
I have a great job, am almost done my bachelors, have great kids, am very active in their lives, but a part of me is still very unhappy and I am sure it is because I can't let go of this resentment and anger I have at some people who are in or have been in my life. So, when that comes to the surface I want to run away from it.

I will listen and take constructive criticism and promise not to run away or have threads locked (lol) if people would like to share how I could move on from those feelings.

mlhb
Posted By: Quiet_Goodbye Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/10/08 09:51 PM
Dear mlhb,

Have you ever heard of The Highly Sensitive Person trait? There is a self test that might interest you here--> http://www.hsperson.com/

I am an HSP. If you cared to look at my past threads (back as far as 1999 with my first user name new_beginning until this one -my second or third incarnation) you would find over 10,000 posts attributed to me, along with an ample helping of Goodbyes.

I understand that aspect of your personality... because I share it.

Take the test, read about it. And perhaps you will find, as I did, that you don't have to apologize for being sensitive but you will need to learn some ways of dealing with it.

I hope this helps you. The person who shared it with me helped me to quit feeling bad about identifying with EVERYTHING so strongly. I accept that "I care". "I feel deeply". Nothing wrong with that unless you act rashly on the emotions and it causes harm to yourself or others.

By the way: Learning how to deal with this has has the added benefit of stopping yourself before you do that Goodbye Cruel World post that embarrasses the heck out of you after the fact.

Let me know what you think!
Posted By: booka Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/10/08 10:06 PM
mlhb,

One thing that helps me is to realize that our exes are free to do what they want with their lives. We can never have an expectation that they will improve in our eyes and that they will say that they're sorry. Keep all contact strictly to business regarding your divorce and children. Do not allow yourself to be drawn into any other drama in the XH's or OW's life. You are the bigger person and you do not need validation from them. Have the realization that the other party's will be around for a long time and that en emotionally mature way of dealing with them is the best course for you in the long run.

Exercise strenuously when the anger sets in.

I'll send some positive thoughts your way.
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/10/08 11:28 PM
Nyneve
I have never heard of that "diagnosis" but I would say that I am. I took the test and it says I am. Not sure how much I put into it as I did not completely read the website, but for what it is worth, I'd say that is probably me.

My daughter is supersensitive as well and she is a LOT like I was as a child. I see how she reacts to things, etc, and it is exactly as I did. And we joke and call her a total drama queen... hmmmm.. I guess if the shoe fits....Like how hard she took it at first when we moved. I felt what she felt because I remember moving when I was in second grade. She and I are exactly the same. I worry about that. My father was a lot like this too. Boy, someone ever betrayed him and he never got over it. I completely remember that about him.

Booka,
I hear what you are saying. I like control and order in my world and it drives me crazy, probably literally, when things aren't going as I want them too. I like to control what is going on around me and when I cannot, it is very hard for me. It bugs me that the schmucks that have been in my life both past and present, I cannot control! LOL Their actions, what they do, or their at times stupidity. See, if I controlled everything it would be just right rotflmao

Thank you both for your helpful and constructive thoughts.

mlhb
Posted By: TrulyHappytoBe Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/11/08 12:21 PM
Originally Posted by mlhbisme
Nyneve
. I like to control what is going on around me and when I cannot, it is very hard for me. It bugs me that the schmucks that have been in my life both past and present, I cannot control! LOL Their actions, what they do, or their at times stupidity. See, if I controlled everything it would be just right rotflmao

Thank you both for your helpful and constructive thoughts.

mlhb

MLHB -

I will share some valuable advice that I learned an NarAnon years ago - it's called the 3 C's: You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't CONTROL it.....

When you finally let go of trying to control - I'll bet you'll feel 20 pounds lighter and 10 years younger, and you'll be much happier! I'm proof of that! Give it a try! Let it all go!

Laura
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/11/08 12:41 PM
Yes, that is a tough one. No, I did not cause a lot of the insanity, no I can't cure it either. And I know I can't control anyone but me and my actions. On paper I do know all of that LOL

It eats me up inside however when I can't control the insanity of others. It is like I want to feel there is justice in this world for those who do such effed up things. I want the world to see what a fraud some people are (and there have been more than one of those in my life, believe me). But, undoubtedly, given time, people figure that out on their own anyway. I need to learn to sit back and let things unfold in life as they will and just live mine.

The control thing, yea, I grew up in chaos with an alcoholic father. It was the only thing I had to make me feel safe was to try and control when I could not control what was going on around me. I did that by anorexia and bulimia for many many years. (I still have some hangups in that area truth be told).

I definitely try to run away when things are uncomfortable and things are uncomfortable when I cannot control them. It is a vicious cycle.

I am sure that spills into my poor choices in who I date and/or marry. I have yet to make a good choice in that area. That is why I have avoided for over a year. Because I keep choosing the same kind over and over again.

All things I really need to stop [censored] footing around and start delving into if I want a healthy relationship with myself and others in the future.

mlhb
Posted By: dukhuntr Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/11/08 03:17 PM
Hey Blondie!

Well, since you have finally seen how little we can really control in life now is the time to settle in and work on what you can- youself and those kids. I for one have seen what a truly good person you are. I too have the same sense of what is right and wrong with what WS's and other people do and constantly wish that Karma would finally come and bite them on the [censored]. All we can do is stay on "the high road" in life and keep our own stuff in order. Concentrating your energy and focus on your daughters, the new house and your work will settle things down all by themselves.

There is a post on one of the forums here that speaks volumns in a few well chosen words, it's called "just be still". I think ARK is the author. Every time I get all jacked up over something old or new I go back and read this again. Leveling out some of the emotional peaks and valleys we go thru makes for a much more peaceful existence.

My home computer is back up and running so turn on the IM some night and check in would ya!

duk


Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/11/08 05:11 PM
Thanks duk! Always awesome to hear from you. I will get the old IM going one of these nights so watch out! We'll have to get Karona online too like the gold old times grin

I will check out Ark's "Just be still" thread.

So glad you stopped by...

mlhb
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/16/08 04:12 PM
Well, had a very nice weekend with my kids. My son won his football game (there is a girl on the team and she puts the boys to shame! she scored ALL of the touchdowns. When she runs, there is NO catching her!).. We did some cleaning and got ready for my new furniture that I am anxiously awaiting the delivery for today. Living and dining room set. Next I think I will do the kids rooms.

Work is crazy busy along with college. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I am reading a good book right now by Joyce Meier called "Confidant Woman". I have decided I am going to really start reading again some of the really good Christian books I have that I have not read yet. I'll post if they are any good.

Gotta go, furniture store just called me and they are on thier way! Yippee!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted By: booka Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/16/08 04:28 PM
MLHB,

One caution about Joyce Meier and this doesn't necessarily affect the content of the book, but her ministry is based near by here and let's just say that she and her family are in the papers quite a bit concerning the financing of the palatial mansions that they all have. Now being a Catholic I can't really toss stones, but at one point the church money paid for all of her family member's homes. There are supporting facts and you can take this as you wish.
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/16/08 05:41 PM
Thank you for the info Booka.

There has been some question about some of her positions in ministry as well and normally, I do not read her books. I usually have a hard time getting into her books. But this one I do find to be a good one so far in just understanding that God wants us women to be confident and working together with men, not against them or fighting against them. Not being a radical feminist, etc, but working together, side by side, with men.

So, for the topic of the book, I like it. As far as her, I am not a staunch follower of her at all.

Again, thanks for the input. :-)

Posted By: booka Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/16/08 05:52 PM
You are welcome as always. There is nothing sexier than a confident, even bold, intelligent woman. I'm not interested in anything less and they are extremely hard to find.
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/16/08 11:57 PM
there are a few out there booka.... ;-)

Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/19/08 09:03 PM
Ok, so I can't really get into that book so much.. Guess I will find another one.

However, I will be reading text books here soon as my classes get started again. I might not always be the most emotionally strong person, but I am getting to be quite an educated one! Eh, stronger in some areas, weaker in others... oh well.

Am lovin my new furniture and we just switched our cell phones to verizon which was a MUCH better deal. The kids and all I got the Juke phone so we can download songs and plug in the headset that comes with it: too cool!

Just got a HUGE raise at work and celebrated my one year anniversary there. Love that job and am so thankful to God for providing this opportunity for me. There is no where to go but up where I work and I love it.

Life is really really good right now.

Have a good weekend.
Posted By: mlhbisme Re: Hey all! - Where's MLHB??? - 09/22/08 10:39 AM
Well, things are really busy right now. I will be doing some internships this term and hockey starts next month. So.... I am probably not going to be around here much. No, no big dramatic good byes... I will pop in when I can, but just do not have the time right now or in the near future to be here. And that is not a bad thing.

All is well and busy and good.
If you don't see me around much, just drop me an email if you want to.

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