Over the last couple of weeks I had a couple of guys seem overly anxious to get to emailing each other outside of the online site. We'd only gotten to the stage of emailing a couple of times so the red flag goes up. I wondered if others had this experience and what the rush was. Is it some ploy to get email addresses? If so it seems a cumbersome, ineffective, and inefficient use of time.

They provided their email addresses, I did not provide mine and won't consider keeping contact but I wondered what their motivation might be. If there was something outside of looking for an...easy date.

Opinions/experiences? Guys Have you experienced this too?

When I did the online dating thing, I found that most people preferred to email off the site. Sometimes it's more convenient. They might prefer to use a webmail address that they access from anywhere or on their mobile devices. They might also prefer to use an address away from the prying eyes of the dating site's administrators.

As long as your personal email address is still private and doesn't give any indication of your true identity or physical address, you should be safe.

Hey seabird, thanks.

It just felt...rushed and as if there were some other purpose.

I only stay on the site because I get it for free. For some reason when this site (chemistry) started they chose me to receive it free. I'm not complaining mind you, but I'm not very involved either. If something come of it fine if not that's fine too.

Outside emails don't mean anything. It's a way to communicate outside of the dating site and going to "chemistry" at work is not a good idea.

Email contact is safe and there's no weird motivation driving that.

How old are you, just out of curiosity?

eHarmony has the best method, in my opinion.

But the rules for online dating are simple:

Don't communicate with someone forever before meeting them. You might have great chemistry on the phone or via email, but might not like them in person.

Make your first date something small and casual, such as meeting for coffee. It keeps things light and doesn't tie you down for the whole night if you don't like him/her.

Don't set your expectations high. People frequently present their "best" pictures online.

In my experience that has translated to pictures of former models that weren't so model like anymore. Or college pics for women in their late 30s.

Or pics of their "thin" days.

So my expectations are always low. I'm not disappointed that way.

But that leaves room for being pleasantly surprised.

Nams, It could be that they are in a rush to find a date for Valentine's Day so they won't feel like total losers. I personally hate Valentine's Day since I've spent almost all of them feeling like a total loser. It's a stupid day, but there's lots of pressure to be doing something, especially since it's on a Saturday.

Ha, Valentines Day. So not on my radar. I give my boys candy and a card and that's about all I'm up for.

Since my heart really isn't in the on line dating thing I should really just get off the site. If I weren't...cheap sounds bad, thrifty(?) maybe, I'd just get off. Since I'm getting it for free I just coast along. I feel like I'm coasting under the radar now and if I drop out and later want back in I'll have to pay. Considering I'm not getting much in terms of men I'm interested I wouldn't want to pay for it. I guess that qualifies me as cheap :-).

I'd never considered the fact that using your own email was easier because of work concerns, that's a legitimate reason. I get the on line protocol, how to make it work by not extending communication too long before meeting etc. That wasn't my concern, these men seemed to want to get to emailing off site before I had even decided I wanted to communicate more with them. No big deal really, I was simply curious if there was something I was missing. No harm done.

Hope you're well, {{{GG}}}

I think it's fair to tell them that nams. Might be a good initial test of how well they can negotiate with you. Just say to them: "I'm sorry, but I'd feel more comfortable staying on-site for the time being, before I hand out my personal email. I hope you understand."

If they don't like it, they can choose to shove off and you already have a pretty good idea that you're not a great match.

I caution you against automatically assuming nefarious motives first though. If you're constantly on-guard for the worst, then it might say something about how ready you are to date.

I get the impression that you don't really want to start yet.

My $.02...

nams, popular email facilities now offer online chats. So maybe they want to include the option of chatting with you?

I was just wondering if anyone else had experienced the to rush to get off the site for communication. I understand not wanting to be seen at work using the site yet wanting to communicate. I hadn't considered that mostly because my work experience doesn't involve sitting in front of a computer or using one a good portion of your work day in a business setting. Makes sense.

I've been using on line dating sites for 3 years, on and off, so I'm not afraid or uncertain of the process, no matter how old I may be ;-). I IM and chat too with some of these guys so it's not the mechanics of how this all works or any safety issues.

This thread was really about curiosity and I appreciate the responses.

nams, nearly everyone on the online site that I use wants to get off the site for further communication after a couple of emails, despite the site having facilities to forward our emails to any email service provider. I have no idea why. I have asked my contacts and they don't know why either. I have had one guy who got agitated and wants to get on to emails outside the site quickly, then on the phone and after that, found himself seriously tongue tied, LOL. He's one weird dude who has nothing to say on email (blames his poor typing skills) and nothing to say on the phone!

Hi RN,

One thought I had is that some people are in a rush to get into a relationship. They figure the sooner they can get that troublesome bit of getting to know someone over the sooner they can find themselves in the comfort of a relationship. Of course, that pesky bit about getting to know each other so you know what your potential partner is all about is critical and not to be rushed. I guess loneliness can make people do they may come to regret.

Overall, using on line dating sites gets mixed reviews from me. I suppose if I put more into it, just like anything, I'd get more out of it. It does get discouraging though. I live in a fairly small town with a few cities near-ish and still there don't seem to be lots of available men. Then there's the perennial problem of where to go to find available men and there you have it...back on a dating site. I have met some...interesting...people.

I think I'll just wait for the perfect, for me ;-), man to drop in my lap.

I'll side with the other poster and with my own personal experience with online dating and 30+ years in IT. All of the dating sites email functions are pitiful in comparison to a real email client that can spell-check in real time. I prefer to move immediately to my gmail address that I can access from anywhere. I may not remember my account and password to dating site, my subscription to the dating site might be near end end without the thought of being renewed. For every needy and/or nefarious reason you can come up, there are valid reasons to counteract them.

A good email client makes the whole experience much more pleasant the the dating site mail interfaces.

LOL, booka, I love your point about spell check and your time running out on the site. I haven't had to worry about that because I get it free but before that I paid and, yes, it is a good reason to move to personal email.

Hi Nams,

I met my husband from Eharmony. We met Feb. 18, 2005 and married Nov. 10, 2007. I understand your concerns about online dating. You must be careful because there are some crazy people out there. My husband and I went through all the stages of Eharmony fairly quickly. In my opinion, it was because we were both excited and wanted to find out more about the other person to see if we were right for each other. Also, my husband wanted to email outside of the website because of the timer. He typed slower and sometimes had long emails and time would always run out on him. He had valid reasons for wanting to email from personal addresses. He never once tried to rush me. He always told me to take as long as I wanted or needed before we moved on to different levels, such as phone, meeting, etc. He is very gentle and kind. Without online dating, I don't think we would have ever met. We lived 100 miles apart. I'm glad I didn't give in to my hesitations and tried it. I agree with everyone else, as long as your email address doesn't give out your personal information you should be fine. If you do find someone and want to meet, always do so in a public place and let friends or family know where you'll be. It wouldn't hurt to give them a call and let them know how things are going. You can't be too safe. I wish you the best in 2009.

You are a wise woman!

I gratefully accept your compliment as I struggle to increase my vast stores of knowledge.