Here ya go BCBoy.

I'll start, and I'll start with the topic of gifts.

As a woman, I generally would prefer not to get gifts on the first few dates, UNLESS, those first few dates just happen to fall on a special occassion like my birthday, or Valentines, or whatever. And in that case, just something small and thoughtful.

However, I also wouldn't mind a single flower given to me on the first few dates.

DISCLAIMER: All women are not the same, and generalizations do not apply to all women.

I agree on the gifts. I'm a giver and find receiving gifts uncomfortable at the best of times.

In addition, if someone I hardly knew were to give me gifts, I would wonder what the agenda was.

Does the type of gift matter? Do women interpret meaning to the type of gift?

Speaking out of my own comfort level, I would think during the initial stage of getting to know someone, any gift, even for a holiday, should be kept inexpensive and simple. Then, as you know a person better, gifts can be tailored to suit the individual.

Flowers are sweet - whether it's one or a bunch. Any small token shows thoughtfulness and that your mind is on her.

Gifts are really wonderful to me when they're unexpected - even if it's just a note with something romantic. It's like a refresher and adds something special to an otherwise ordinary day.

For me, appliances would never be an acceptable gift.

You folks have given me an awful lot to think about.

In a short while, I will likely be posting an update on my own thread.

This has been quite eye-opening for me!

When we ask you "what are you thinking?" we really just want you to have a conversation with us.

Instead of saying "nothing", you could say something like:

"I'm not really thinking about anything special. What about you?" We women can usually take it from there.

Hope this helps-

It may not be a good thing, but yes, I have given meaning to gifts where I shouldn't have.

I will no longer give meanings to gifts. I would rather ask for the meaning behind the gift than to guess it.

Edited to add: I appreciate everyone's contribution to this thread. When I start dating, I may start one called "How to Understand Men".

When you talk about what men are thinking about you should see this video about mens brains and womens brains

The nothing box

That was hilarious! I can't believe I've never even heard of him before, and I'm going to try to take small breaks throughout the day to watch his others.

Thanks, BCboy.

OK, that proves how different women are. I just got a fabulous coffee maker (auto-program, water filter, the works) for my birthday from the guy I'm dating and I consider it to be one of the best gifts I ever got! Every morning when I wake up I smell the freshly brewed coffee and think of him. I feel he put a lot of thought into the gift because I'd been wanting one like it and it's something I use every single day.

To paraphrase Crocodile Dundee, "THAT'S not an appliance. THIS is an appliance!"

LOL!!! Hey, I'd be thrilled with that one too!!!

Ha! I would love that particular one right now -- mine isn't so hot.

Seriously, the only way I would want a gift early on is if it were pegged to something in particular. So, for example, if I had mentioned that I liked a certain candy and he picked that up for me when he was at the store anyway, I would LOVE that. It would show that he paid attention to what I said and thought of me while going about his daily life.

What I don't like are gifts that seem designed to "prove" something about him and aren't really related to me. If it's a generic kind of gift, I'm likely to think he's trying to show me he's great and is more concerned with his image than in making me happy.

That's likely a wild misinterpretation of a man's intentions when he gives a gift, but I never claimed to be right.

Why do I feel like I stepped out of a time warp? I confess that I have been influenced by the Norman Rockwell image of people at times, and always thought it was appropriate to bring a gift of flowers or a box of candy on a first date.

The only time I never did that when it was a coffee date made online (yes, I once tried the online dating thing. Not for me). Then, it was just show up, have some coffee, talk, and see if anything 'sparked.'

Now I'm reading that women don't want gifts, and actually get creeped out by them.

I think I lost 40 years of my life...

Ah Fred...you have to remember, all women are not the same. It is very possible that you could meet someone who does love gifts early on.

At any rate, at least you have a few different opinions of what SOME women think about it. You can use that info anyway you want to.

Fred, this whole gift discussion got me thinking about (and re-reading) the book called "The 5 Love Languages" or whatever it's called, referenced on these boards from time to time. It's a cute little book with some good points.

They all want different things (just like we do)- that's the fun of it!

Opt

Fred,

I've been hesitating to chime in, but I think you can take it.

The woman I've been seeing for several months now had a line of suitors when I first met her. One of them was constantly calling or texting her because he had a little "gift" for her, or he would leave them on the doorstep when she was out. Little things like a potted plant or a book he thought she'd like.

She wasn't really interested in him, and her responses to his texts and gifts sounded EXACTLY like the replies you've gotten from Dancer Girl.

On the other hand, she was thrilled when I would bring her a little something. But, I would pick my spots and not overwhelm her with gifts.

I would back off on Dancer Girl for a couple weeks. No more gifts or emails. If you still think there's a possibility of you two dating more, I would ask her to a specific occasion the next time you see her. Something like, "There's a art show on Tuesday night I plan on attending, would you like to accompany me?" You should know for sure whether she is worth continued pursuit by her reaction.

I can take it.

I think you've been reading my mind, schtoop (or at least my thread ). This is exactly my plan!

I got this in an email once:

CARLOS' GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING WOMEN -
WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS WHEN SHE SAYS:

"FINE": This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of "those" arguments.

"FIVE MINUTES": This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you pay attention to her again, so it's usually an even trade.

"NOTHING": This means "something" and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and will end with the word "Fine".

"GO AHEAD" (With Raised Eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

"GO AHEAD" (Normal Eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine", and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

from my HUSBAND I love getting appliances as a thoughtful gift. In other words, he knows me well and knows how much my coffee pot means to me. If I was dating a man, I would be insulted by an appliance as a gift. Flowers are always a welcome gift. Not roses unless you are wanting to imply romance to this woman. Best flowers ever..from a boyfriend that stopped at a corner store and bought me a bunch of daisy's. Very sweet and not overly romantic.

OMG, that was hilarious! And true! Hahaha....

Tabby,
That was great!!

I wouldn't want an expensive gift, I would be afraid the person was trying to make me beholden to him. But something thoughtful, once in a while, that shows they pay attention to the little things, that is nice. I wouldn't want a continual barrage of gifts though. But I've been on my own for so long that I appreciate anything anyone does for me...THAT means a lot to me...someone who lifts the propane tank into my truck so I can get it filled. Someone who starts the wood splitter for me so I can operate it. THOSE things mean a lot. But those things wouldn't be from someone who wanted a date, those would be from a friend...and in my way of thinking, a friend is the best place to start!