I don't post much anymore but guess it is time...
Over the last 3 months, I have been hanging out with a nice lady that I have known �casually� for years but have gotten to know her very well recently.

I am an avid cyclist and she is new to the sport so I asked her to go with me a few months back. Now we bike all the time together. I have taken her out to dinner several times and have had her over to my place for dinner. We have also bought each other some small gifts occasionally. Many times after our rides, she hangs around to chat also.

She is very independent, never married, and works long hours at her family business (that her parents own). To be honest, I have never met anyone as independent as her. Living in a small town, I know she has dated others from time to time but not for a while now. And living in a small town, everybody thinks we are a couple because we are together so much.

During the last several months, we have created a very nice friendship. She tells me if she has had a bad day, or if something bothers her, etc. So we definitely have created some trust between us.

However, she has not given any indication that she wants this to go romantic (or I am too stupid to notice that she wants it to). But I can usually pick up on signals and just don�t see that she is sending me any.

Not sure what to do??? I don�t want to try to take it to the next level and lose a good friend in the process. But I do NOT want to a lose a wonderful girlfriend either by not doing anything!

Do I just keep doing what we are doing??? Hanging out, dinner, gifts, visting, biking? A little confused on this one!

It could be a number of things. She may have the same fears as you and doesn't want to be rejected, ruin a friendship, or have other fears about men/relationships. Have you ever spoken about her personal relationships/history?

If she is very independent she may not like depending on other people. I could go on and on but every one is different so here is what I do with people...I ASK!!! No one can read another person's mind and clear communication is ALWAYS good so there is no misunderstanding by either person.

I like direct. Some people don't. You don't have to knock her over the head but put some feelers out and see where the conversation goes.

I'd say go for it!

Say you do nothing and remain great cycling friends. Say you meet someone else. What will this someone else think of you having this cycling friend?

Rejection is better than regret!

I don't think u'll risk losing a friend if you just ask her about being in a romantic relationship. Just put a few feelers out there like, "isn't it funny how people in our town think we're a couple? What do you think about that?" Get her talking in a general way about romantic involvment and see where she takes it.

I would stop riding with her if I had a girlfriend. Or my girlfriend would need to come along.

I think I will just drop a few hints and compliments and see how she reacts. Given how independant she is, she just may not want a man in her life.

Good luck and keep us updated.

Do you have the book "Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders"? Excellent book for dating.

Just don't be too subtle so that she misses it.

Or because she is independent, men assume she doesn't want a man in her life so they don't approach her...it happens.

Good luck!! **fingers crossed for ya**

I would casually talk with her about what she wants (do you prefer being single or have you ever wondered about marriage or kids). If she's very adamant she does not want a relationship ever, there's your answer. If she's wanted one but hasn't found the right person yet, maybe ask her what she's looking for, etc.

I don't like seeing this word "independent" show up so many times . If she is as independent as you are making her sound, she would not be a good relationship partner anyway. Just as Independent Behavior is a Lovebuster, so is being with an independent person a bad foundation for a relationship. The best matches are interdependent, not codependent or independent.

Now with this clinical stuff out of the way, I am not sure how you can spend three months interacting with someone regularly and not know if there is some romantic interest there or not. Usually if there is, there is always some sign - a certain way she'll look you at you, a certain question about your ex or kids, etc... If you haven't seen any of that, or if all you talk about is biking or the weather, then that is a bad sign.

I would not ask her how she views a potential romantic relationship with you, I'd try to turn a conversation toward the more touchy feely stuff. Tell her you read a cool book ("Five Love Languages", "His needs her needs") and see if she bites at all or if she says she has not interest in or time for that kind of nonsense. If she's at all interested in you, she'll latch on this topic like velcro, and if she does not react, then you'll learn something too .

AGG

AGG,

You make some good points.

She asks me lots of questions about my past, my interests, goals, career, favorite music, etc. She asked me if I wanted to go out to dinner last week. A few weeks ago she asked me to take a test on the Internet on my "love score" to see what I wanted in a relationship. I took the test and told her the answers.

But, yes, very independent could be a bad thing. She has never been married (which is fine) but does lots of things totally on her own. And even though we spend lots of time together, she spends much more time by herself.

I think you are right. Maybe change the conversation up a little and don't get romantic.

And the conversation after this was what?

Also what brought up her telling you to take such a test? Was it out of the blue?

I think you have your answer, buddy... No doubt you asked her to do the same and tell you what her love score was? Please say "yes" .

AGG

Raven/AGG,

Like I said earlier, we talk alot (and not just about biking). It came up when I took her out to dinner and she told me her score. She said I should take it and I did and told her my results. We were actually pretty close in want we want. My score was very high on wanting to spend time with someone special and I let her know that.

Normally when we talk about stuff like this, I see it as "conversation" and nothing more. I am starting to think maybe she is sending me signals and I am way, way too stupid to realize it?!?!?!

I will keep you posted....

Yeah, THAT! Women don't do "just conversation" about love score with guys they aren't interested in ...

AGG

x2

Yea.
I think she is interested in you.
Friends don't ask friends to take "Love Score" tests.
You said you rated close and that it asked about recreational time together?
She got that from somewhere and she may be open to MB concepts. She may be using the test as a screening process.

Take her on a real date, do some romantic talk and give her gentle kiss at end of the night

Uh-huh! I wouldn't bring up love scores/tests to someone I wasn't interested in!

And maybe she tries to be independent so she won't appear needy, (needy...always a

She may be waiting for you to make a move...

That's what I was thinking.

I also think that she's not as independent as you might think. After all, she's not married. Unmarried woman DO do a lot of things on their own.

She sounds like she would be receptive in learning more about the Emotional Needs concepts on this site. I wouldn't talk to her about that yet - but when the two of you are a little farther along in your relationship I suspect she'll be interested in learning more about it.

Any update?

After spending more time with her (biking), I have come to the conclusion that we are just friends. Yes, we talk a lot about things, and spend lots of time together, but I just don't feel that spark coming from her. That is totally fine as I have gained a really good friend.

I do think it is next to impossible to meet someone where everything just clicks. I am fine on my own but it sure would be nice to have someone else in my life.

If she meets your emotional needs you will feel that spark

It just a challenge to meet the "right" person. My career keeps my very busy, I have kids, I am very active with my bike racing and have a big house to maintain. So not only is it hard to find the right one, it is hard to find anyone!!!

I was told a while back that when you stop looking, the person of your dreams will walk into your life. I have been divorced for 8 years and she hasn't walked in yet!

I am in total agreement with this. It's hard to think that person is out there.