I may have put this in the wrong area before so ill try here? My apologies if this is wrong too..

Hi everyone, I was referred to this VERY HELPFUL site via a girlfriend going thru a divorce. I am 31 & bf is 30. weve been together for 2 years. After being suspicious e was hiding something I simply broke into his email via iepv andfound what he'd been hiding. He is being faithful, physically. However he was with his ex 6 years before us and they ended because he moved to the US from Panama. Well, they split and he created a fake profile account with Facebook. Since early 2011, (march / April) he has been messaging her pretending like theyve never met & just chit chatting about daily life, etc. there's no talk of meeting as I believe she wants nothing to do with him. So im led to think he's keeping tabs on her. I write this in hopes I can get a little insight as to what to do. I don't want to end our relationship because we are a great couple & besides this, lifes great despite his emotional unavailability staying hooked on this girl. I dont think they talk on a daily basis, and hes made no indication to her of revealing his REAL self.�

How do I approach this without him flying off the handle?

invisible3113. How great has life been since you found out that he has been stalking his old GF for what sounds like your entire relationship?

That is a sincere question. Be honest. Is this really what you want to sign up for?

Well, I have not made any indication about me finding this out so I have to make like nothings wrong. What I mean by lifes great is, for instance we still date go out together, no other problems. I just dont know if I should drop it or confront him. Its kinda creepy to be honest.

Edit to add more info / ?

Confront him? What about just dump him. You could tell him that you are not a kinda creepy kinda girl?

How do you think he will be when you are 15 months pregnant and haven't had time to wash your hair in four weeks.

Consider yourself lucky that you found out so soon.

so you experiencing emotional unavailability because your BF is hooked on his EX?

Are you OK with this?

Obviously I'm not ok with this.

You aren't married to him and you have no children with him. The best thing to do is dump him without an explanation and pray that he doesn't stalk you for the next several years.

Be happy you found out so soon. He is definitely a dishonest person and that is a recipe for a disastrous relationship.

Count your lucky stars you found out about this! It IS creepy. Run for the hills! I know it's hard to break off a long term relationship where there are more highs than lows, but if you marry this guy you'll be on this forum asking advice on how to survive an affair. There are plenty of other guys out there who aren't creeps.

Good luck!

First of all, how often does he 'fly off the handle"? If this is normal behavior for him, you are not in a happy relationship.

I'm curious how you know it's his ex but she doesn't know it's him. Not that it really matters because he is cheating on you emotionally if not physically (maybe with someone else?). You knew something was wrong or you wouldn't have been snooping.

When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. Climb out.
He's not marriage material.
Pretending he is and/or hoping he might be marriage material are both equally intentional blindness.

Time to turn the page and learn the lesson.

Good for you on making this discovery.
A man comfortable with lying to two women (that you know of) is a man you should walk away from, today.

Please, resist the temptation to say "But, I love him."

We assume you do.
However, your love has not, can not, never will change his character.
He's a liar.
You are in love with a liar.
Do you live together?

I see that you first posted this thread in the "In Recovery" section.

Whenever I see folks posting for advice in "In Recovery" or in Marriage 101 forums when there is no "recovery" happening, this immediately tells me the poster is in some form of denial. Which is a problem.

So I doubt that outside of this one issue, "life's great".

First of all, you eluded to his anger which tells me he has gaslighted you before when you have questioned him on things. Secondly it is very difficult to develop true intimacy with a person like this (who has a secret second life) Thirdly, a person who would be so careless and thoughtless to do this behind your back is probably not doing a great job at meeting your ENs, is my guess.

My advice to you is this -- once you get some distance from the relationship and have emotionally detached from this guy, you will look at the relationship and him differently. Ask me how I know...

But life is great anyway.

If you want to know what pain feels like,
please continue relationship.

Him creating a fake FB account to trick that woman as well, seems to be something that I find totally unacceptable. He is acting even creepier than your peaking activities....I do wish for the two of you to get this sorted out.

Saltonia, there is nothing "creepy" about knowing everything you can about a possible future mate. Have you read the announcements and concepts on this site? I am alarmed that you are a new poster who is pronouncing negative comments on concepts that the owner of this website strongly encourages (Historical honesty and knowing everything about one's partner). There is absolutely nothing 'creepy' about her "peaking" activities (btw, I think "peeking" is the word you're looking for.)

I would suggest that you sit back and read for a while to make sure you understand the solid marriage building concepts of this site before you comment and possibly derail a poster who comes here for help. Pronouncing an uninformed opinion is much, much worse than saying nothing at all.

Let us know if you have any questions after you're done reading Dr. Harley's concepts.