Bringing my spirits down - 04/11/13 02:03 PM
Straight to the point!! I have a fianc� who is in the Army. He is deployed now but gets back home in June-July!! around that time we are planning our wedding but there are some worries and concerns I have about him bringing my spirits down ALL THE TIME when it comes to something I am very much interested in!!
1st scenario: I'm so excited about our little wedding we are a planning at the court house with just him and I....And our 2 kids.....I wanted to plan a little reception after our wedding with family, friends for them welcoming us into being newlyweds. The banquet including pretty much everything video, food, drink, decoration, photography, anything you can pretty much think of for so little price. I was so excited to tell my friends to help me plan for it and started getting names for my side of the family and his side. There is nothing for me to plan but a date, time, and what me and him were going to wear because everything was inclusive with the banquet center. When I spoke to him later that night I told him about my plans!! He started to say " ohhh I don't want to be around all of those ppl. I'm just getting back in from Afghanistan and the only ppl Im worried about is seeing my daughter, you, our son, and staying home that's it!! I don't want to be around a lot of people"
I found that very selfish because it's for our wedding!!!! Not something that will happen on a daily basis upon his arrival. Im about to be a wife. Every wife wants to be greeted with their family and friends After they are married. It's just in women period. I don't want to be the one to have to bump into someone or make phone calls And say hey I just got married!!! People should already know of that, i shouldn't have to make it clear every time because first of all it's a wedding where know one will be there. But we are planning the big one in 1 year.
2nd scenario after he shut me down the first time: long story short. I planned a dinner for our friends and family to come since the banquet was too much to Ask. It went from me asking him what ppl to invite for him, and I specifically told him I didn't want to tell him what it will be for because of what happened the first time. I explained. He said ok. He only wanted his nephew there basically because he has been gone too long away from home to reconnect with those childhood friends.....????? Yea exactly......then I told him to dress formal because it is a upscale restaurant....his response "I want to be comfortable, no hats, I'm just coming from Afghanistan I want to be relAxed....lol another excuse for ONE DAMN NIGHT!!!! Then I told him you will have to wear a tux for the wedding.....his response???? "A tux?? I'm not wearing a tux.....I said omfg really. This is our wedding we are talking about. Not just some gathering....." I I'll wear slacks and. Button up, NO tux.....ummmm idiot thats the same thing it's just no jacket!!! He replied...OH & we argued from there.
I really don't have time for a non family oriented person because I love to get out & add spice to the relationship and if he can't meet my needs then that will draw me away because I can't be with a borrrriiinnnngggg person. But he feels that I should here him out on not wanting to be around people but It seems as if I am the only person trying to keep our relationship how relationships are really supposed to be. He's not trying to please me in that area & I'm not trying to please him because I'm not a home body...and something sooooooo little like going out with people after your wedding should not be a big deal At all.
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!
1st scenario: I'm so excited about our little wedding we are a planning at the court house with just him and I....And our 2 kids.....I wanted to plan a little reception after our wedding with family, friends for them welcoming us into being newlyweds. The banquet including pretty much everything video, food, drink, decoration, photography, anything you can pretty much think of for so little price. I was so excited to tell my friends to help me plan for it and started getting names for my side of the family and his side. There is nothing for me to plan but a date, time, and what me and him were going to wear because everything was inclusive with the banquet center. When I spoke to him later that night I told him about my plans!! He started to say " ohhh I don't want to be around all of those ppl. I'm just getting back in from Afghanistan and the only ppl Im worried about is seeing my daughter, you, our son, and staying home that's it!! I don't want to be around a lot of people"
I found that very selfish because it's for our wedding!!!! Not something that will happen on a daily basis upon his arrival. Im about to be a wife. Every wife wants to be greeted with their family and friends After they are married. It's just in women period. I don't want to be the one to have to bump into someone or make phone calls And say hey I just got married!!! People should already know of that, i shouldn't have to make it clear every time because first of all it's a wedding where know one will be there. But we are planning the big one in 1 year.
2nd scenario after he shut me down the first time: long story short. I planned a dinner for our friends and family to come since the banquet was too much to Ask. It went from me asking him what ppl to invite for him, and I specifically told him I didn't want to tell him what it will be for because of what happened the first time. I explained. He said ok. He only wanted his nephew there basically because he has been gone too long away from home to reconnect with those childhood friends.....????? Yea exactly......then I told him to dress formal because it is a upscale restaurant....his response "I want to be comfortable, no hats, I'm just coming from Afghanistan I want to be relAxed....lol another excuse for ONE DAMN NIGHT!!!! Then I told him you will have to wear a tux for the wedding.....his response???? "A tux?? I'm not wearing a tux.....I said omfg really. This is our wedding we are talking about. Not just some gathering....." I I'll wear slacks and. Button up, NO tux.....ummmm idiot thats the same thing it's just no jacket!!! He replied...OH & we argued from there.
I really don't have time for a non family oriented person because I love to get out & add spice to the relationship and if he can't meet my needs then that will draw me away because I can't be with a borrrriiinnnngggg person. But he feels that I should here him out on not wanting to be around people but It seems as if I am the only person trying to keep our relationship how relationships are really supposed to be. He's not trying to please me in that area & I'm not trying to please him because I'm not a home body...and something sooooooo little like going out with people after your wedding should not be a big deal At all.
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!