Everyone, Thanks for help on the first thread. I had to end this relationship.

Now comes the hard part. I need to recover from this because I am heartbroken. We had plans and dreams that are now lost. What do I do now?

I am avid cyclist, I will be on my bike tonight. I will go to the gym over my lunch hour today. I plan on spending time with my son also this evening. Any ideas?

How long does it take to get over a 6 month relationship? I am willing to put all effort necessary to feel good again.

I suggest you get out and start dating again ASAP.

Prisca - What about the risk of rebounding?

Date a different woman every week for awhile. nothing serious, just go have fun. It is truly the quickest way to move on.

Hi BHINWI, there's bound to be several opinions on this. I think what you should do depends on the type of dater you are. If you're good at casual dating, then I think dating is a good way to move on. But if you tend to date one person at a time, then you might not want to date right away for fear of exactly what you brought up - rebound.

Even if your mindset is to date casually, with nothing serious, it's possible your very next date could be with someone who knocks your socks off. Then you'd be faced with wondering if you're attracted to her for rebound reasons or because the two of you are very compatible. That happened to me, and while it was happening, I wished I had had more time to myself in order to recover from the previous relationship. In fact, a few times I used the previous girlfriend's name to refer to my new one - I hated when that happened, absolutely hated it!

You mentioned in your other thread that you've already dated about 20 women in the last 10 years. I'd say you probably know what to look for by now. If it were me, I'd do what you mentioned - cycling, working out, and especially spending time with your son. Try to find peace in the fact that you no longer have the stress of figuring out what to do with your relationship. Enjoy being single!

Even without purposely tring to date, you could still meet someone accidentally who knocks your socks off, you never know.

It depends on the depth of your relationship. Different couples can form relationships of different depth in 6 months. The deeper yours was, the more time it'll take.

"We had plans and dreams that are now lost."

This for me was the hardest when my fiance dumped me - all I could think was that I had all these dreams of sharing my life with someone, having a kid or two, being a wife and living a fantastic life, and now it was all over. Then I realized that I can still have my dreams come true, do the things I was planning on us doing together, except it will be with someone different (or in some cases I can do it myself and don't need a man to do it with). So don't think that just because this relationship is over that it's your last chance

I haven't heard what Dr. Harley recommends to recover from a broken relationship. Does anybody else know?

I would just focus on exercise.
Do you compete in cycling races?

As a general rule, he typically recommends you get rid of anything that reminds you of the former relationship so you can move forward.
For example, if she gave you a nice keychain...get rid of it.
Otherwise every time you start the car you will think of her

I think Dr. Harley's "try to date 30 people" approach is a great solution to that. Date as a freeloader at first. Don't get committed and invested early. Intentionally plan on there being someone else next. You can always come back to someone you like.

I only ever dated one person at a time, but I've heard Dr. Harley talk about this enough that if I were ever in the dating field again, I'm convinced I would want to take this approach.

Dating

He says to date someone as a placeholder until someone else who is more of what you want comes along.

I did this after my divorce prior to meeting my current wife. I did not date 30 women, but I did date a handful, and I had a great time with it. I actually had the mindset that none of them were likely to be marriage material, but many were fun to spend an evening or two with.

I felt that it helped build up my confidence by a lot, since I had to develop the courage to ask them out, but since I felt that I had nothing to lose, the inevitable rejection did not bother me. It was a skill that I wished I had when I was younger and got married the first time, because it likely would have kept me from settling for the first woman that came around.

When I met my wife, it did not take much to realize she was probably the one, because I had a better basis for what I wanted.

I think I may hold off on dating just for bit. I am a very good casual dater and don't jump into anything but I need to heal some. I was really in love with the woman I broke up with.

I do bike a lot and compete a lot. The end of racing season is approaching but I could prepare for a race.

I do agree, I need to get back in the dating scene but I just could not do it at this time.

What I was wondering about is if Dr. Harley recommends a certain period of time following the break-up of a relationship before dating, or if he recommends immediately dating as a path to recovery.

Well, I went to the gym at lunch yesterday, went for a long bike ride after work and then went for a walk with my son after dinner. I went to bed feeling pretty good.

Now I wake up this morning feeling like a freight train hit me. Why do break ups have to be so hard!!!!!!!!

Just keep exercising.
Exercise will prevent depression.

I've heard that too. Aerobic exercise is hands-down the best anti-depressant there is.

Does your son like to ride?

Yes, I workout at lunch and then took a 10 minute walk. The sun definitely helps. Yes, my son likes to exercise also. He is 18 and a great kid. He knows this is bothering me so he has been hanging around with me.

Exercise is good, but only if you're eating well and getting decent sleep. The point is, take care of yourself.

When my boyfriend of 3 years and I split up a while back, it took 6 or 7 months before I was really *ready* to start dating. I did start dating before that, around month 4 or 5, but it was not very fun for me because I wasn't ready yet.

What helped more was keeping very busy - spending free time with friends, family - I think at least 4 months went by before I had a weekend where I had no plans. Because the thought of spending time alone freaked me out at first.

I also am big on journaling and reading when I'm going through a rough patch. There were many books that were helpful (many non-Harley books too) in how to cope with a breakup. But maybe that's more a girl thing to do.

Date when you're ready.

Visited with some close friends last night and told them the story. They agreed it had to end also.

What make this so darn hard is she was such a nice person. I just could not take the mood swings. I never knew who to expect when I would walk in the room to see her.

I barely slept last night. I feel rotten. Will go to the gym again at lunch... that always helps.

I heard Dr. Harley say just the other day, that when you break up that you should date someone else immediately. Even if it's just to get out and have some fun.

Apparently when he was dating Joyce she would break up with him quite often. He would call up some other girl and say "you want go out and (fill in the blank, I.e. grab a quick bite, etc)". He said it's the best to keep going. Matter of fact, he said he would have someone in mind as his "placeholder".

What better way to get that contrast effect?

I know a couple of nice ladies here in town that have expressed interest in dating me. Plus and old girlfriend contacted me a few months ago. I am not sure what to do on this. Dr. Harley may be right in that I just need to get out there and enjoy life.

Can you please post this Radio Show?

I'd be interested in hearing that show as well. I wonder if he feels the same about dating immediately after breaking up a dating relationship and dating immediately after divorce?

Sorry guys, I can't find the show, but I will post it if I find it.

I have heard him say that too, brainhurts, but I have no idea where the show would be.

I imagine he would say something similar about a post-divorce situation. He is very big on building a life that makes you happy. Being alone and dwelling on memories of a former lover does not make one happy. Getting out, dating, and having fun DOES. The best way to move on from the pain is not to dwell, but to replace it with something good and fun and enjoyable.

Hi
I will like you to be yourself.Take time to think about ways you can better your life.One thing is surev that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.Read your bible and be happy,You will surely see someone who will love you the way you are.Thanks