Marriage Builders®
Posted By: Jamiebear Not sure what to do - 05/03/10 01:43 PM
I have been in a relationship with this person for about two years now. He has asked me to marry him and I said yes. I truly love this man but we have had our downs in the past. We had a long distance relationship for the first year and it was hard. During that time, he cheated on me and talked to other women over the internet a lot. I also talked to other men online but never met with anyone or even wanted to it was just the emotional need that he was not meeting that I needed to have filled. I was scared too because I had been married before and was cheated on over and over again by my first marriage that lasted 15 years. I didnt want to go thru that again with anyone. When he moved here with me and my two kids, things were so much better. We agreed to let the past stay in the past and move forward. I deleted my myspace page and my yahoo account to prove that I was completely committed. He disabled his myspace page but has not deleted his yahoo accounts (yes accounts). He tells me that he has no use for talking to other women but I still have this sense of untrust with him. Yesterday I found a picture of him with no shirt and just his neck down and his swim shorts on and I asked him why it is was on our computer. He said it was old and that I could delete it. It is things like this that make me feel uncomfortable about our relationship. I am not sure how to handle all this or even if I should bother anymore. I dont want to waste any more of my time with someone who cant completely commit to me like I can to them. Please give me some advice so I can know what to do.
Posted By: Jamiebear Re: Not sure what to do - 05/03/10 01:59 PM
I forgot to mention that he is in the military and he will be deploying at the beginning of next year. I dont want to go through something that is not going to work through a deployment. I love this man and would and have done everything for him. I just feel like I am not enough sometimes. He has never been in a long relationship with anyone before me and that scares me to death. I know he loves me but I just dont want to be one of those women that are blinded by love.
Posted By: RIF Re: Not sure what to do - 05/03/10 07:01 PM
Hi Jamiebear!

Welcome to Marriage Builders!


Please think about what you've shared with us:

redflag We had a long distance relationship for the first year and it was hard. During that time, he cheated on me and talked to other women over the internet a lot .

redflag I also talked to other men online but never met with anyone

redflag ...it was just the emotional need that he was not meeting that I needed to have filled.

redflag We agreed to let the past stay in the past and move forward.

redflag He disabled his myspace page but has not deleted his yahoo accounts (yes accounts).

redflag ...but I still have this sense of untrust with him.

redflag It is things like this that make me feel uncomfortable about our relationship.

redflag I dont want to waste any more of my time with someone who cant completely commit to me like I can to them.

redflag Please give me some advice so I can know what to do.

Since you aren't married yet, my best advice would be to end this relationship before you take on an imature husband that will soon be 7,000 miles away from you for a year or more.



You and your two children deserve much more than this. I'm affraid that if you continue in this relationship, that you'll just be taking on more heartache and pain because it's obvious that he isn't committed to you or your children.

Please read the articles here on the MB website and learn how affairs start and some of the warning signs... You're already seeing many of them and you aren't even married yet... MrRollieEyes

Semper Fi,

RIF
Posted By: TwistedMoments Re: Not sure what to do - 06/13/10 10:03 PM
It is hard being with someone in the military no doubt. This is why you need to have something solid. I can somewhat relate to your situation about the long distance thing. It is taking a huge toll on my relationship as we speak. There are insecurities I have because I know what happens when people deploy and are stationed away from their significant others. I am trying to roll with the punches myself and did not come on here asking for break up advise but rather maybe some advice on improvement.
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