WH disobeying no contact order - 06/21/10 08:02 PM
I wrote a similar post on a couple of other threads, but I'm not sure which area fits best. My WH and I have been married for almost 19 years. We have 3 children ages 13, 10, and 7. I found out about the affair in May last year, and it is still going on. The day after I found out I agreed to go to counseling, but he �needed time�. I gave him time, and he spent it with the OW. For the next month, he would come home, go back to OW, come home, etc. My WH went overseas for 2 months, starting in June, and told me he had told her it was over. When he returned, he told me �he couldn�t do this� and went back to her. The first week in September he came back home, ready to try counseling. I went out of town for 5 days (a month earlier I had invited him to go with me), and while I was out of town, he went back to her and he has remained there. He said I abandoned him. How can you abandon someone when they know where you are going, who you�ll be with and when you�ll return?
He has changed his entire lifestyle for the OW. I used to think my WH was a strong Christian and a good example to his children, but now it�s not so. He has started drinking beer (which he said in the past he never really liked), smoking (his whole family smokes and he has abhorred it ever since I�ve known him- 22 yrs.), cussing, getting tattoos and a nipple piercing, hanging out in bars, etc. He has turned his back on God and the church, which is the most troubling thing to me. While our marriage was precious, his soul is even more so.
Let me give you the worst part, except for the A, of the whole story. My WH is an officer in the military and the OW is an enlisted soldier. I�m not sure how it happened, but the Army found out about the A (it had been going on for 7-8 months by this point), and investigated. During the investigation, they were given a No Contact Order, which they both disobeyed (Army didn�t find out). They were both given a letter of reprimand and she was sent overseas. Even though they are miles apart, they continue talking and emailing practically on a daily basis. He never did that with me, even though he has been on 3 different deployments. He has leased her apartment while she�s gone. She has posted pictures of them on her Facebook page and listed her relationship status as engaged, even though we aren�t divorced yet and won�t be for a while. I called a buddy he works with to double check about the investigation and reprimand. I didn�t say anything about WH and OW still being in contact. My WH finds out and tells me I need to leave it alone before something bad happens (Army finding out). Of course he defended her posting pictures of them on Facebook, because that�s her life and he doesn�t control what she does. My anger comes from the fact that the children and I rely, almost solely, on his paycheck (I only have 2 part time jobs and will lose one at the end of this month) and insurance. If the Army does find out, it could mean he will be dishonorably discharged and we lose EVERYTHING. I have moved back to my small hometown to be near family, and jobs are scarce.
I tried to implement Plan A, but with no results. He seemed to care only about her and her feelings. He even told me �if I stay with her, I hurt you, if I stay with you, I hurt her�. In what universe should her feelings supersede the feelings of his wife and children?
The children just came back from spending 2 weeks with their dad. During that short visit, he left them alone twice to go eat dinner with a friend. The first time, he didn�t return home until 10:00 pm!! If he cares and loves his children, like he claims, why would he choose to take time away from them when his time was so short. Last night, our youngest DD cried herself to sleep, because she wanted her daddy. I asked if she was glad to be home and she said yes, but she wanted Daddy to be with us. My heart breaks for the children, but I sometimes feel they would be better off without him. Sorry if I�ve rambled, but I�d appreciate any advice and support you could give me.
P.S. Her family knows about them and doesn�t seem to mind. The affair has been exposed almost as much as it can be, without possibly putting me and the children out on the street.
He has changed his entire lifestyle for the OW. I used to think my WH was a strong Christian and a good example to his children, but now it�s not so. He has started drinking beer (which he said in the past he never really liked), smoking (his whole family smokes and he has abhorred it ever since I�ve known him- 22 yrs.), cussing, getting tattoos and a nipple piercing, hanging out in bars, etc. He has turned his back on God and the church, which is the most troubling thing to me. While our marriage was precious, his soul is even more so.
Let me give you the worst part, except for the A, of the whole story. My WH is an officer in the military and the OW is an enlisted soldier. I�m not sure how it happened, but the Army found out about the A (it had been going on for 7-8 months by this point), and investigated. During the investigation, they were given a No Contact Order, which they both disobeyed (Army didn�t find out). They were both given a letter of reprimand and she was sent overseas. Even though they are miles apart, they continue talking and emailing practically on a daily basis. He never did that with me, even though he has been on 3 different deployments. He has leased her apartment while she�s gone. She has posted pictures of them on her Facebook page and listed her relationship status as engaged, even though we aren�t divorced yet and won�t be for a while. I called a buddy he works with to double check about the investigation and reprimand. I didn�t say anything about WH and OW still being in contact. My WH finds out and tells me I need to leave it alone before something bad happens (Army finding out). Of course he defended her posting pictures of them on Facebook, because that�s her life and he doesn�t control what she does. My anger comes from the fact that the children and I rely, almost solely, on his paycheck (I only have 2 part time jobs and will lose one at the end of this month) and insurance. If the Army does find out, it could mean he will be dishonorably discharged and we lose EVERYTHING. I have moved back to my small hometown to be near family, and jobs are scarce.
I tried to implement Plan A, but with no results. He seemed to care only about her and her feelings. He even told me �if I stay with her, I hurt you, if I stay with you, I hurt her�. In what universe should her feelings supersede the feelings of his wife and children?
The children just came back from spending 2 weeks with their dad. During that short visit, he left them alone twice to go eat dinner with a friend. The first time, he didn�t return home until 10:00 pm!! If he cares and loves his children, like he claims, why would he choose to take time away from them when his time was so short. Last night, our youngest DD cried herself to sleep, because she wanted her daddy. I asked if she was glad to be home and she said yes, but she wanted Daddy to be with us. My heart breaks for the children, but I sometimes feel they would be better off without him. Sorry if I�ve rambled, but I�d appreciate any advice and support you could give me.
P.S. Her family knows about them and doesn�t seem to mind. The affair has been exposed almost as much as it can be, without possibly putting me and the children out on the street.