Difficulty This Deployment With ENs - 07/31/11 07:56 AM
Hello all, I wrote here some time ago when my significant other was deployed last time, it was actually ABOUT EN's during deployment. My future H and I got quite creative last time and overall I would say it made it bearable.
This time around on his second tour, we have far less to work with. I have not gotten a phone call since his first day there (3 mos ago) and another one doesn't look likely (no phone). We get 30 minutes (tops) to communicate on instant chat once per week, but very often it's once every 2 weeks. This is not particularly satisfying as far as "conversation" goes for my needs because AIM-chat is far less "instant" than a phone conversation, so it takes longer and by the time he has to leave, we've barely talked about anything.
I've had a lot of changes in my life lately (just this month, I lost a pet and got a new job). So that is adding fuel to the fire, so to speak, for feeling frustrated with our lack of conversation.
Conversation is absolutely one of my top needs. So is affection, and when he's deployed talking is the main way he is able to give me this. He's been constantly training the past year before he deployed, with equally bad communication. Consequently, I'm feeling really fatigued. Last time he was gone, I used to really put my heart into my letters, messages and carepackages. My heart is just not in it right now.
I'm usually a very emotionally expressive person with him, and very affectionate. I just have been increasingly less affectionate and warm. I'm not doing it on purpose, and I am afraid of what it's going to do to our relationship. I am sure he relies on those conversations as much as I do, his life out there is not exactly a vacation. He's noticed the change and has tried to do some things for me (letters in the mail, he sent me a video a long while ago) but unfortunately, the mail is very slow / unreliable, I haven't gotten anything in months. I feel like because the "spark" is just not in it for me right now, I'm sure it must be affecting him negatively, too, and I don't want to stop filling his EN's, either.
We've been together several years now; The vast majority of the time, it's been a source of great joy for me - right now it's a huge source of frustration. I just feel tired.
Is feeling like I'm on "emotional autopilot" normal? What can we do to get through this until he's back??
This time around on his second tour, we have far less to work with. I have not gotten a phone call since his first day there (3 mos ago) and another one doesn't look likely (no phone). We get 30 minutes (tops) to communicate on instant chat once per week, but very often it's once every 2 weeks. This is not particularly satisfying as far as "conversation" goes for my needs because AIM-chat is far less "instant" than a phone conversation, so it takes longer and by the time he has to leave, we've barely talked about anything.
I've had a lot of changes in my life lately (just this month, I lost a pet and got a new job). So that is adding fuel to the fire, so to speak, for feeling frustrated with our lack of conversation.
Conversation is absolutely one of my top needs. So is affection, and when he's deployed talking is the main way he is able to give me this. He's been constantly training the past year before he deployed, with equally bad communication. Consequently, I'm feeling really fatigued. Last time he was gone, I used to really put my heart into my letters, messages and carepackages. My heart is just not in it right now.
I'm usually a very emotionally expressive person with him, and very affectionate. I just have been increasingly less affectionate and warm. I'm not doing it on purpose, and I am afraid of what it's going to do to our relationship. I am sure he relies on those conversations as much as I do, his life out there is not exactly a vacation. He's noticed the change and has tried to do some things for me (letters in the mail, he sent me a video a long while ago) but unfortunately, the mail is very slow / unreliable, I haven't gotten anything in months. I feel like because the "spark" is just not in it for me right now, I'm sure it must be affecting him negatively, too, and I don't want to stop filling his EN's, either.
We've been together several years now; The vast majority of the time, it's been a source of great joy for me - right now it's a huge source of frustration. I just feel tired.
Is feeling like I'm on "emotional autopilot" normal? What can we do to get through this until he's back??