My husband recently got deployed overseas on a year long deployment and I found out that he had just ended a 2 year affair.We have only been married 3 years and if that wasn't enough he had been taking vacations with her. I was completely destroyed but after a month i thought maybe we might be able to work things out, then I found out he had been having an inappropriate email and phone relationship with an ex girlfriend for 5 years. I know I should leave him and I do not love him the same but at the same time something is holding me back. Please give me advice he is apologizing and wants to me to wait to do counseling before we divorce. i don't think i can ever trust him again or that i want to love him at all anymore.

Generally, if infidelity is found this early in a marriage, it's worse than the "usual" infidelity. He has been cheating on you since BEFORE you were married and quite frankly, he has a LOT to work on.

If you're sure you want to stay, there are a few things to do:

1. Expose ALL affairs (the email thing DOES count) to important people in your husband's life.

1a. If he was having an affair with a coworker, guess what! The army/other military do NOT look kindly on affairs within their ranks. Expose to his superiors! Any shame he may feel is his own doing.

2. After exposure he will rant and rave about being destroyed, how could you and so forth. But this is the ONLY way. Exposure kills MANY affairs.

3. He is likely gaslighting you. Many waywards go to counseling and quit after a few sessions just so they can say "they tried."

The vets will be here soon. If you want more responses, click notify on your post and ask the mods to move the topic to the Surviving an Affair section of these forums.

My heart goes out to you and I realized that you are in a tough situation right now, trying to determine what appropriate boundaries should be set in light of the broken trust in your relationship. You are right to guard your health **edit**