I've already done a search and found just a few text messages. Is there a trash on a blackberry? Would there be deleted texts on the sim card? If so, where does one get a sim card reader?
The info from the website states:
Not compatible with Verizon Phones, Smartphones (BlackBerry, iPhone, Android, etc.), Sprint, Nextel, Alltel Phones
that's what I'm seeing too regarding it not working with a blackberry - and I'm not sure what is even stored on a Blackberry sim card.
Have you plugged his phone into your computer and synced it...downloaded all pics etc? I got a tons of useful screenshoots of websites and deleted pics! No texts but found a secret gmail and pic of ow#2!
trackwary.com
worked the best for me and was only $75 for 3 months
made for the blackberry
btw - it doesn't recover deleted texts. From what I read, once they are gone they are gone. I don't think the BB has a sims card or a trash bin
the trackwary thing - will it sent me all sent and received text messages?
kstockett- sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. Yes, it will give you all that plus incoming calls, outgoing calls, missed calls and my favorite feature is that you can call the phone and turn it into bug and listen to the conversation around them. That is how I knew my WH was with skank the night before I packed his things. Will never be able to listen to the song that was on the radio at the time agian!
Ok, I downloaded it onto my own blackberry and I liked the way it worked. Then, I got home and after telling my husband I wasn't going to spy on him anymore he found spybubble on his blackberry. He was angry I lied, not angry there was spyware on there, although he said it was illegal as it's a company phone with proprietary information on it. When I had the spyware on there (and listened to the VAR) I found absolutely nothing incriminating. The one thing I won't be able to is his work landline, on which he makes most of his calls. His blackberry is open to me at all times and he leaves it open where I can view it.
He said he is ok with spyware being on there as long as he knows about it. Said he didn't want to go years or decades with me spying on him though.
He is very remorseful, and is doing everything right.
Not sure how to proceed. My gut tells me he is telling the truth but this A has turned me into someone very insecure...
I think if you are expecting him to be honest and transparent, then you should be as well. His actions are speaking volumes about him being trustworthy. At some point, we have to stop the spying and go with our gut. You say that he is doing everything right and is allowing you access to his phone. That is awesome and a very good sign.
I can understand you being insecure but you need to trust, and verify if you feel that you need to.
thank you, exactly what I needed to hear.
I think if you are expecting him to be honest and transparent, then you should be as well. His actions are speaking volumes about him being trustworthy. At some point, we have to stop the spying and go with our gut. You say that he is doing everything right and is allowing you access to his phone. That is awesome and a very good sign.
I can understand you being insecure but you need to trust, and verify if you feel that you need to.
RQ, with all due respect, that is very bad advice. Spying is not untrustworthy behavior and can never be reliably replaced with one's "gut." Cheating and lying IS untrustworthy behavior; not spying. Radical honesty does not include being "transparent" about spying. Obviously, her spying would be worthless if he knew what she was doing. Radical honesty and the POJA do not apply to spying after there has been an affair.
kstockett, you need to continue to spy as much as you see fit. And NEVER be transparent about it. Spying will not only help restore your trust in him, but will give you great peace of mind. It is not a lack of trust that ruins marriages but a lack of boundaries.
Stopping spying will not make you feel better and will not make you trust him more, it will increase your anxiety and make you trust him LESS. That is not good for your marriage.
He said he is ok with spyware being on there as long as he knows about it. Said he didn't want to go years or decades with me spying on him though.
This is a red flag for me that would motivate me to spy harder, kstockett. Obviously if he knows about it, your spying methods would be rendered useless. Spying is only effective when the target doesn't know. Why would he need to know about it? And why would he have a problem with it? That should set off your red flags. I know it would mine. Would you care if your husband spied on you? If my H was insecure, I would encourage him to spy all he wanted. And I wouldn't want to know how he did it.
You should not cease your spying, kstockett, his attitude gives me pause. People who have nothing to hide, don't hide. And they don't mind others looking.
I think if you are expecting him to be honest and transparent, then you should be as well. His actions are speaking volumes about him being trustworthy.
I really do not think this is appropriate for the *Operation Investigate* forum where folks are looking for snooping help which Dr Harley advocates.
First of all, a WS can have all the good intentions in the world, but if he bumps into or hears from the OW, he will be at great risk for the affair reigniting.
Not only is the A very recent, but do you realize that OW lives in their town and they are still in the process (per k's thread in the recovery forum) of implementing EPs so that they will not run into her as they go to some of the same places?
He said he is ok with spyware being on there as long as he knows about it. Said he didn't want to go years or decades with me spying on him though.
This is a red flag for me that would motivate me to spy harder, kstockett. Obviously if he knows about it, your spying methods would be rendered useless. Spying is only effective when the target doesn't know. Why would he need to know about it? And why would he have a problem with it? That should set off your red flags. I know it would mine. Would you care if your husband spied on you? If my H was insecure, I would encourage him to spy all he wanted. And I wouldn't want to know how he did it.
You should not cease your spying, kstockett, his attitude gives me pause. People who have nothing to hide, don't hide. And they don't mind others looking.
Please listen to ML, k. Red flags should be going off all over the place when a WS wants to know your spying methods. The fact that OW lives in your town makes even more red flags go off... Do they work near each other? How did they meet again?
Do you have a VAR/GPS in the car?
they work 100 yards from each other. they met at a business function. I've spied for 3 weeks and nothing.
I have a VAR in the car... nothing... I'll listen again today.
what should I do?
100 yards? Oh dear. That won't work. Have you thought about moving?
In the meantime, what about GPS? I would do that pronto. Probably on his phone would be best since he could just walk to see her during lunch or whatnot...
Also have you looked for an affair phone?
ALWAYS keep your spying tactics to yourself ... if not? thats like tipping your hand in poker...
they work 100 yards from each other. they met at a business function. I've spied for 3 weeks and nothing.
I have a VAR in the car... nothing... I'll listen again today.
what should I do?
I would plan on separating until he leaves that job. Recovery is impossible as long as they continue see each other at work. There is no point in any of this snooping when you already know they see each other.
Your marriage will never recover until there is complete no contact for life. No wonder he doesn't want you to snoop, he is still high on the affair.
Did you know that no contact is the FIRST STEP and that you can't go onto the next step until that is taken care of? This is like expecting the alcoholic to sober up by changing the name of his drinks to "business drinks." sobriety is impossible.
I understand. Even though they work nearby, they NEVER see each other. I see from their website she is no longer listed as a contact for her position and I wonder if she's been fired since I exposed her to her boss.
Can he get the "affair high" from 3 weeks of contact?
on another note - we have to be apart for the first time since this happened next Friday (will be 6 weeks since DDay)... I have to work. He wants to go to a HS basketball game but said he'd stay home if it made me uncomfortable. I told him to plan on going. I hired a PI to tail him and take surveillance during the game.
Even though they work nearby, they NEVER see each other.
How can you know this unless you are there watching him?
I am confused, I think you told me before that they don't work together so it is just a coincidence that they had a business function and that they work 100 yards from each other but in different businesses?
yep. different buildings and they've worked there for 10 years and had never met.
Even though they work nearby, they NEVER see each other. I see from their website she is no longer listed as a contact for her position and I wonder if she's been fired since I exposed her to her boss.
Can he get the "affair high" from 3 weeks of contact?
Even if they don't work in the same business but they work closeby, this is where Dr Harley's advice to move if you live in the same town applies.
He had a WH caller on his radio show once that was talking about how he had to drive closeby to where OW lived and how it triggered him. So even though he had promised his BW NC and wanted to recover the M, he resumed contact (I think more than once) and when his BW found out, she filed for D.
Dr Harley explained on this show how dangerous it was for this WH to live closeby to OW and advised him to move away and invite his BW to move with him, in the hopes that he could still save the M.
So even if you are convinced the A has 100% ended (which I am sceptical of if they work that closely to each other), the risk for the A to reignite is too high here and just the triggering alone of knowing that he is that closeby to her will keep him fromt getting through w/d.
He will have to leave that job, and you may even have to move since you all live in the same town.
yep. different buildings and they've worked there for 10 years and had never met.
But now they have met. So anytime he is triggered, she is right there.
At what point does the spying and snooping stop then? How are you to re-foster trust in a relationship if you you are being insecure about every little thing and constantly snooping.
That is my 2 cents anyway. I just feel that a relationship should be built on trust and honesty by BOTH partners.
@SusieQ, no I was not aware of her other thread, I was going by what she said in her post here about
His blackberry is open to me at all times and he leaves it open where I can view it.
He said he is ok with spyware being on there as long as he knows about it. Said he didn't want to go years or decades with me spying on him though.
He is very remorseful, and is doing everything right.
Not sure how to proceed. My gut tells me he is telling the truth but this A has turned me into someone very insecure...
That is my 2 cents anyway. I just feel that a relationship should be built on trust and honesty by BOTH partners.
But like you said, that is your 2 cents. That is NOT MB advice. That is the point. Posters are not here to get our own personal philosophies on snooping, RQ.
BSs are naturally going to feel unsafe for a while after an affair. That is common sense. Telling them to get over it and not to be "so insecure over every little thing" doesn't make any sense.
Snooping has helped MANY BS's discover that contact has resumed (or never ended) even after the WS swore on a stack of bibles that the A was over. It is crazy to suggest a WS should be trusted so shortly after the discovery of an affair. Have you checked out the False Recovery thread/s? Among the MANY stories, my own is there and thank goodness I snooped and didn't share your philosophy...
At what point does the spying and snooping stop then? How are you to re-foster trust in a relationship if you you are being insecure about every little thing and constantly snooping.
That is my 2 cents anyway. I just feel that a relationship should be built on trust and honesty by BOTH partners.
RQ, you have this completely backwards and if you really think it through, I think you might see it differently. What else could possibly alleviate insecurity any more than snooping and verifying that your spouse is being faithful? I know of nothing more effective than that. Snooping does not erode trust, it builds trust. It
alleviates insecurity.
Sticking your head in the sand and pretending to trust does not create trust or alleviate insecurity, it does the opposite for obvious reasons. It is much easier to carry on an affair if the spouse is able to carry on a secret second life. Having an affair is much easier if you are not looking, so how would not snooping cause trust? There is nothing more trust and security building than snooping to find out what your spouse is doing when he thinks you are not looking.
I realize that popular culture teaches us irrational notions about "trust," but if you really think it over, you will see those notions are silly and misguided. It is
too much trust that leads to affairs in reality.
You should snoop as long as you want to protect your marriage.
Dr Harley explains it better than me:
One topic is loss of trust. How can a spouse ever trust an unfaithful partner again? My answer is that the spouse should never have been trusted in the first place. I shouldn't be trusted by my wife, and I shouldn't trust her. The fact is that we are all wired for infidelity, and under certain conditions, we'll all do it. The way to protect your marriage from something that has been common to man (and women) for thousands of years is to recognize the threat, and do something to prevent it from happening. Basing a marriage on the Policy of Radical Honesty and the Policy of Joint Agreement goes a long way toward preventing an affair. Being each other's favorite leisure-time companions, and not being away from each other overnight are also important safety measures. Meeting each other's most important emotional needs, avoiding Love Busters and building an integrated lifestyle, free of secret second lives, are all ways to affair-proof your marriage. With these measures in place, we end up trusting our spouses because an affair becomes almost impossible to achieve.
Melodylane, after reading what you posted above and the link, I'll hit myself over the head with a 2x4.
We are brought up to be naive and trusting people, but if you have had to deal with an affair, it would be very hard to trust again without some way to verify.
I myself am without the means of snooping and verifying what WH is telling me and it is driving me crazy! But we are nowhere near a recovery.
I bow to your wisdom and apologize to the OP.
Melodylane, after reading what you posted above and the link, I'll hit myself over the head with a 2x4.
We are brought up to be naive and trusting people, but if you have had to deal with an affair, it would be very hard to trust again without some way to verify.
.
RQ, it was a real wake up call for me too, so I know just how you feel! In our culture, we are all playing chicken [blind trust] and slapping ourselves on the back about being "trusting," not realizing that doing so is an invitation for an affair! We were never safe in the first place.
That is why people should get out of the road and avoid affairs in the first place!