Marriage Builders®
Posted By: dlp436 Advice for work devices - 03/30/12 03:56 PM
I have caught my husband in lies and looking for suggestions on how to snoop on someone who is technically advanced and who has a lot of work devices. Despite our marital problems, I had always 100% trusted him, but after accidentally discovering that he was privately communicating with an old girlfriend awhile back, I started snooping on him. I was very hurt and confronted him. He stopped and gave me access to his phone, FB, etc so I let it go. He texts women from work and other "friends" after work hours and on weekends and does not see this as an issue. I have asked him to stop, but he only calls me insecure and says it's nothing.

Recently I had to use his work computer for something and checked out the History, only to find that he has been secretly looking at naked women/porn for months. Of course, once I confronted him, he got angry and changed all passwords. After a few arguments and me accusing him of trying to hide something, he gave me the new passwords, but the history is either cleared or I know he is deleting things that he doesn't want me to see. The lies, the emotional friendship with women, the talking to old girlfriends and the porn are all things that are extremely hurtful to me.

I know I had to confront him, but unfortunately by doing that, he now just knows to be more careful. He even told me in an argument than he wouldn't be stupid enough to not delete things. He claims now that I have all the passwords to everything. However, he has a work cell phone and a work computer and it's very easy for him to setup other emails that I don't know anything about. He has countless numbers of accounts, social media and other messaging sites that he uses at work. I can't check the phone records on the work phone and I can't put software on his work computer. He knows better now than to use our personal computers or his personal cell phone. How do I "snoop" or keep tabs on him on his work things? He knows I cannot get access to them. So is there anything I can do? Thanks for any advice.
Posted By: Northwood8900 Re: Advice for work devices - 04/02/12 06:59 PM
I'd put a keylogger on his home computer for starters.

I have not heard of a keylogger that can be installed remotely. If there is one, he'd have to initiate the installation which would be unlikely to happen.

Reading through your other thread, there's only so much you can do to "prevent" him from doing these things. At some point, you'll have to draw the line in the sand and tell him it's either the women on the computer or you.

Know what I mean?

And ditto for remotely installing spyware on a cell phone. I'd be tempted to install the keylogger on his work computer anyways. If he finds it, what's he going to do? Tell his employer that his wife installed spyware to catch him watching porn on company time?

Posted By: dlp436 Re: Advice for work devices - 04/03/12 04:30 PM
Thanks, Northwood. He only uses his work laptop or his work computer when he is at home. We have several laptops in our home that are easily accessible, but he always gets into his bag and gets out his work laptop when he wants to do something on the computer, even if he is just doing something personal. Probably should have been a red flag to me a long time ago. smirk Maybe from now on I will insist he use my laptop when he is at home, unless he is working on a specific project. Although even then he can put his files on a flash drive and still use mine.

I hear what you are saying. He needs to stop doing this. I made it very clear this weekend what is acceptable that I will not keep accepting his apologies. Plus, I have 3 children, 2 of which are 11 and 13 year old boys. They have used his computer before when we've been out and I would be furious if they accidentally found these images or sites while using it. I will think about the software, but not sure I'm ready to cross that line with work yet. Your last line did make me laugh, though. It would be funny to hear his response to them... wink Thanks, again!
© Marriage BuildersĀ® Forums