My wife is distancing herself from me - 07/13/13 01:10 AM
My wife and I are from India but we live in Missouri. We got married in 1998. Both of us work as software engineers. I am a federal government employee and my wife is a federal government contractor.
We have two boys, 11 and 4. From 1998 to 2009, we lived like two love birds. I filed her immigration papers and she became an American citizen through my sponsorship. She got her last job in 2009 because of my connections.
Four years ago, after the birth of my second son, things started changing.
The delivery was by C-section, something that was necessitated after the contractions began because the umbilical cord was around the baby's neck. My wife was not very keen on the surgery but grudgingly agreed. Once the baby was born, both mom and baby were fine. But my wife told me the she underwent C-section because my family wanted her to undergo a surgery. That is not true. They had no role to play in that decision.
Six weeks after the delivery, her father passed away. These two events happening in such close proximity pushed her into a really bad mood. She told me I am responsible for her father's death. I pled not guilty.
Starting with his death, my wife started distancing herself from me. She won't even let me take her to the doctor for check-ups, told me to stop touching her and started blaming my family for everything. They never had anything to do with the events in my life.
Because of her depressed mood, I offered to take her to the doctor to have her looked at. She told me her health was none of my business.
I showed her enormous patience since 2009 but she steadily grew farther from me. She would burst into fits of anger and threaten to leave the house around dinnertime on weekdays. She was verbally abusive and broke my prescription reading glasses twice. She would yell at either the kids or me for the smallest of reasons.
Her sister wrote to me asking me to give my wife a year to sort herself out. Meanwhile, I developed asthma and needed to leave the city we are in. My wife refused to move and made me turn down three offers I had gotten in other cities.
At the end of that one-year grace period, instead of agreeing to leave, my wife started demanding we buy a house in the city we live in. Even though I was not able to breathe in this city, I helped her buy a house to mollify her. We moved into the new house in Jan. 2013.
If I had any hopes her mood would improve in the new house, she killed them.
In February this year, after an argument, she told me to commit suicide. Please don�t worry about that. I am in no mood to comply.
In March, she took the help of her male colleague to renew my son's passport behind my back. She approached me only when my signature was needed on the application form.
In April, she opened a fake Facebook account and did not state her relationship status. According to her Facebook profile, she was born in 1979 when, in reality, she was born in 1967. From this account, she sent connection requests to six women and eight men (all total strangers) and they accepted. All are the in the age group of 23 to 27, with one male exception. He is 33.
None of them said anything inappropriate to her not did she to them but I do not appreciate her willingness to keep secrets from me. I do not keep any secrets from her. She has all my passwords.
Now I feel that I have been used and stabbed in the back. I get the sneaky feeling that she wants me "out" of her life -- one way or another.
Have I mentioned that the last time we made love was on May 10, 2008, when she conceived? Since then she's been sleeping in the guest bedroom.
You would not believe me if I told you I love her today as intensely as I did in 1998. Yes, I do. I am a little old-fashioned. She is the first woman I slept with and she will be the last. I am willing to wake up tomorrow morning and act as if the last four years did not happen because she is my dream that came true.
I've been having trouble sleeping since my Facebook discovery. I don't have a Facebook account myself. I will never get one.
I plan to speak with her about her fake account when she returns from India at the end of this month.
After nine nights of wrestling with this discovery, I set up an appointment with a marital counselor on Aug. 15. In the past, my wife agreed to see a marriage counselor. Hopefully, she won't ditch me.
My boys are my life. I am fighting for them.
What I would like to know is am I an idiot to show patience, sympathy and understanding to someone who obviously does not recognize them? Should I have done something differently with this evidently disconnected spouse?
Thanks,
Martin (assumed name)
We have two boys, 11 and 4. From 1998 to 2009, we lived like two love birds. I filed her immigration papers and she became an American citizen through my sponsorship. She got her last job in 2009 because of my connections.
Four years ago, after the birth of my second son, things started changing.
The delivery was by C-section, something that was necessitated after the contractions began because the umbilical cord was around the baby's neck. My wife was not very keen on the surgery but grudgingly agreed. Once the baby was born, both mom and baby were fine. But my wife told me the she underwent C-section because my family wanted her to undergo a surgery. That is not true. They had no role to play in that decision.
Six weeks after the delivery, her father passed away. These two events happening in such close proximity pushed her into a really bad mood. She told me I am responsible for her father's death. I pled not guilty.
Starting with his death, my wife started distancing herself from me. She won't even let me take her to the doctor for check-ups, told me to stop touching her and started blaming my family for everything. They never had anything to do with the events in my life.
Because of her depressed mood, I offered to take her to the doctor to have her looked at. She told me her health was none of my business.
I showed her enormous patience since 2009 but she steadily grew farther from me. She would burst into fits of anger and threaten to leave the house around dinnertime on weekdays. She was verbally abusive and broke my prescription reading glasses twice. She would yell at either the kids or me for the smallest of reasons.
Her sister wrote to me asking me to give my wife a year to sort herself out. Meanwhile, I developed asthma and needed to leave the city we are in. My wife refused to move and made me turn down three offers I had gotten in other cities.
At the end of that one-year grace period, instead of agreeing to leave, my wife started demanding we buy a house in the city we live in. Even though I was not able to breathe in this city, I helped her buy a house to mollify her. We moved into the new house in Jan. 2013.
If I had any hopes her mood would improve in the new house, she killed them.
In February this year, after an argument, she told me to commit suicide. Please don�t worry about that. I am in no mood to comply.
In March, she took the help of her male colleague to renew my son's passport behind my back. She approached me only when my signature was needed on the application form.
In April, she opened a fake Facebook account and did not state her relationship status. According to her Facebook profile, she was born in 1979 when, in reality, she was born in 1967. From this account, she sent connection requests to six women and eight men (all total strangers) and they accepted. All are the in the age group of 23 to 27, with one male exception. He is 33.
None of them said anything inappropriate to her not did she to them but I do not appreciate her willingness to keep secrets from me. I do not keep any secrets from her. She has all my passwords.
Now I feel that I have been used and stabbed in the back. I get the sneaky feeling that she wants me "out" of her life -- one way or another.
Have I mentioned that the last time we made love was on May 10, 2008, when she conceived? Since then she's been sleeping in the guest bedroom.
You would not believe me if I told you I love her today as intensely as I did in 1998. Yes, I do. I am a little old-fashioned. She is the first woman I slept with and she will be the last. I am willing to wake up tomorrow morning and act as if the last four years did not happen because she is my dream that came true.
I've been having trouble sleeping since my Facebook discovery. I don't have a Facebook account myself. I will never get one.
I plan to speak with her about her fake account when she returns from India at the end of this month.
After nine nights of wrestling with this discovery, I set up an appointment with a marital counselor on Aug. 15. In the past, my wife agreed to see a marriage counselor. Hopefully, she won't ditch me.
My boys are my life. I am fighting for them.
What I would like to know is am I an idiot to show patience, sympathy and understanding to someone who obviously does not recognize them? Should I have done something differently with this evidently disconnected spouse?
Thanks,
Martin (assumed name)