Well, most of you know what happened in my marriage, and since the last posting things have been better - much better in the fact that my husband appears to have eradicated the massive angry outbursts.

However, now I know my emotional needs, my husband only fulfills them when he either remembers or feels like it.

During the week he does work very hard, and I acknowledge this to him, and often I am the one pushing him off to bed early so he gets enough sleep.

The problem is I work nights and he works days. He wakes me up with a cup of tea and chatters on to me endlessly about what he wants. Sometimes I am chatty as well, but am only half awake and seldom remember much of what we talked about later. I really do love this time with him but its not "my time" for when I need conversation.

I don't need massive amounts of anything, not anything. I asked for two things from him. That he give me a gentle caress in the evening before he goes to bed, or around the time preceding that, and that he talk to me just a little while we play a game together.

On weekends I get this - minimal, but I get it. Every day during the week it's like being in a morgue, and week after week I feel more and more disconnected to him - then on weekends I am all happy as he gives me that little bit and start to feel connected again and bonded.

If I tell him politely he doesn't listen and nothing ever changes. Well, last night I really cried about it because I can't comprehend why it's so hard for him to give so little. One night last week he even told me I am supposed to know he loves me. Well, I don't know.

Our disagreement last night lasted all of around 15-20 mins and ended with him telling me that "now you are sending me to bed like thus" and that I need to get on MB and read up on things, and that no one that comes to this forum can meet the full UA time.

I feel frustrated and negated by him because he knows I deeply value the time we have together before he goes to bed and I work. I know he is tired, but if he's capable of playing a word game he is capable of every now and then remembering I am there beside him. And am I asking too much to love one caress or touch? He never forgets to collect his hugs before bed. And I am there for him. But I wasn't tonight.

We can POJA things like major purchases, but if it comes down to an emotional need I am still told I open my mouth too much. I cannot understand why he's adult enough to want to talk to me about a purchase, but not caring enough to talk about what I so long for, and it's really so little.

So, tonight I feel very sad and realise I can't make someone see the obvious.

Any advice is very welcome as always

Ugh, I feel so utterly frustrated!!!

~Ana

How many hours of UA are you getting?
What are you doing during that time?
Do you get out of the house on dates?

Ana, it is very impressive that your husband has so quickly mastered his anger! I commend him for this!

Dr. Harley says that a married couple needs to schedule the meeting of emotional needs, or else it will not happen and will get pushed aside. He recommends that couples sit down at 3:30 Sunday afternoon and look at their schedule for the coming week and block out 15 hours together. During this time they need to be alone (no children or friends), get away from electronic devices (blackberries, work or friend cellphones calls, etc.), well rested (don't do this after 11 P.M.), and give each other their undivided attention. They should plan a recreational activity that they are both enthusiastic about, and they should engage in conversation in a way that is enjoyable to them both.

The 15 hours should be used to meet the four intimate emotional needs that Dr. Harley recommends be met in every marriage: intimate conversation, recreational companionship, affection, and sexual fulfillment.

If this time is not scheduled, you will find that it will not be made a priority.

Here is Dr. Harley's explanation of all of this:
The Policy of Undivided Attention

Replace the word game with recreational activities you do together.

Be sure not to make statements like your husband needs to be "adult" or "doesn't care." Those are judgmental statements. He will be much more responsive to you if you strive to eliminate any comments of that kind.

Judgmental statements make love bank withdrawals. To heal your marriage, both of you need to make love bank deposits.

Have the two of you considered listening to Marriage Builders Radio together?

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.html
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/

Hi Prisca,

We would easily be getting the UA time, but it's not romantic or anything.

We talk a lot, joke a lot, but at present due to circumstances, no I am not getting out of the house - unless you count sitting outside the house enjoying the cool air.

It's my tiny emotional needs - way below what DR Harley says - they are not being met at all hence my husband builds a bond that is romantic with me, and tears it down equally as fast.

Yes, Markos, the anger part so far has become far lessened and he looks much taller to me, although he can tend to be quite nasty with things he says in a quiet manner, but even he has admitted this has to stop.

My husband is the one who loves to talk - me not so much so other than when we are doing things together. I do listen, though.

Due to him working day and me night, it's difficult to get the time allotment in one sitting. I am either tired or he is. I put on a cheerful face no matter how tired or ill as I'm not a complainer by nature.

I do see the importance of the scheduling!!

Is it true what my husband said about no one finding time to give this allotted time? If so, I owe him an apology.

I'm not even asking for 15hrs. Neither my husband or I are very needy - in fact I seem to have grown into the more emotional one and he is quite cool and indifferent to shows of affection.

Over time he comes out with things, or has done, that we are 'past that stage' etc - and I fear he thinks he is ancient and past romantic love when he's far from it.

Markos, I never used that on him - only here. It's usually me that is told to grow up. Now told to get on MB. Told if I just shut up everything will be fine. Well, I tried that and it didn't work, either.

I can make love bank deposits, but I'm running on zero.

Ana I'm not married but my fiance and I easily get in 15 hours+ a week, 1-2 hours a day, and more on weekends. And he works 60 hours a week. It helps that my kids are older and sleep in, and we're early birds. So it's easy to get quality time in the mornings. Find a time that works with your schedule and it's a breeze!

A change in work schedules should be considered if you can't get in the alloted UA time. Otherwise you're choosing your job over the marriage.

Not everyone has the luxury of working days; ex specially in this economy. and to quit, lack of income compound's 10 more problems in marriage - ***EDIT***

***EDIT***
LW .I was was trying to help as a support on this, cause i know it's not easy to to run a family and work odd hours and work through problem in a marriage,. ***EDIT***

It is required that we offer advice to posters using Dr Harley�s principles � well � because THEY WORK!

Dr Harley makes it very clear that couples find ways to get in a minimum of 15 hours of UA time. He has also quoted over and over again that if the jobs of either spouse gets in the way of that then trying to change that is VERY important. A happy M requires UA time. Period.

Again, one can choose to stick to their job because they�re afraid of change or don't want to lose seniority or no longer love their spouse enough to risk what they have or whatever ... but then one cannot argue when they are told they are putting their career (this job) over their marriage.

Dr Harley has some pretty radical ideas on how to make a M work. They seem radical because many are counterintuitive to what we see every day. People sacrificing themselves for a job or sacrificing their M for a job.

Speaking of counterintuitive � these things � these filling of ENs aren�t engrained in all of us and many times we as partners need our spouse to help us out along the way. We�re going to spit and sputter and forget or get lazy or what have you.

It will help you a lot if you can continue to help him, guide him at being a master at meeting the needs you desire.

That isn�t engrained in many of us either. I know myself I have a very hard time asking for things for myself. I don�t always feel entitled, or I don�t feel like I want to nag (I have to remember that complaints are good/important in a good M).

But boy I�m quick to develop resentment when I�m not getting what I want � even though I�m not helping her out, clueing her in. I have certainly told myself to get off the pot, help guide her (constantly if necessary) in how I want my needs met or shut down my thought process of building resentment. I can�t have it both ways. Either I do my part or I accept that I know she won�t be meeting my needs.

Ana, does any of that resonate with you?

I know what your saying Mr.A ,but explain how a loss of income ( @ security on her part because it is her career. maybe he should quit his job) going to help a marriage? and on top of that, now you have another variable to the mix. Now that seems Counter-intuitive.

Nice post Mr.A.

It can help because when a couple is in love and thriving with UA time, they will enthusiastically downsize to make ends meet.

We did this. I stopped working. We don't go on fancy vacations or go out to dinner as much - a $1 coffee and walk replaces that - but we don't care, because we are in love. Yep, my career is down the toilet! My husband does not get promoted because he refuses overtime!

The focus on MB is maintaining romantic love as a priority.

If he switches his job to nights or quits and they downsize, that's acceptable too. But not spending time together happily isn't going to work, so which will it be?

Thanks for the post Alis.

The point being you adapt. You work together to find a win/win where you put the marriage first and yet still have a lifestyle that suits each of you.

Now no one is saying they need to put themselves into a financial crisis but it is certainly being said there is a need to brainstorm how to live in a way that makes the marriage the priority instead of the current standard of living.

People change jobs all the time. To box oneself into a company or role because it seems it is the only solution is short sided.

I�m a realist � so I too am skeptical when I hear these things. But I am also adept enough to realize anything is possible. One just has to put forth some effort to make something happen.

Yukon, if you take issue with anything I�m saying then I strongly suggest you do yourself a favor and argue with the one who knows what it means and that would be to talk directly to Dr Harley. He�s seen it all, he�s implemented in people�s lives these concepts over and over again.

Do you listen to his free daily radio broadcast? If you don�t I encourage you to. They are very educational. Again his words are based on tried and true methods. Real life case histories.

What I love about MB is that it makes complicated things very simple.

In other marriage problems, people might work overtime to pay for "counseling" and hash out the same old stories and problems to a "professional" for their advice, go back to the same old jobs and careers, and burn their relationship into a black hole leading to adultery or divorce. Communication, get on the same page, give each other space, all sorts of other wishy-washy crap that is a whole lot of thinking and not a whole lot of doing!

Is it such a big deal to herd all your kids into a single room? I do. They don't like it, but one room in one house is a lot nicer than a room each in two houses. Do I like having a $1 coffee instead of an $80 steak dinner like when we were dating? When was the last time I bought new clothes instead of a thrift store? I have no clue....

Who cares. I have 3-4 hours alone with my husband every night and we're going to dump the kids with grandpa on the weekend and take a kayak out. In my old career, I would've been at work that day. C'est �a, as we say here ('there ya go!")

my contention is; 6 months down the road no job and still in a bad marriage,and now she's dependent on him. That's a big step to give your independence up .

**EDIT**

i hope i didn't ruffle too many feathers
I'll leave you alone now.
peace.

Well, I'm not sure what brought you here, but maybe it could have been better had UA time been implemented. Who knows. We don't all make 6 figures (I know my husband sure does not), you don't need 6 figures to put rice and cheap ground beef at the table for children who share a bed.

You mentioned family vacations and renovations in your other thread - those are luxuries which we forgo at this time in order to maximize UA and family time together. Again, it's all about priorities.

STOP arguing over the issue of no separation overnight on this thread. Please advise this poster using MB principles, or refrain from posting.

Yukoncharlie51,

If you listen to Dr. Harley on the radio he welcomes people who think they may have "exceptions" to his concepts. He asks them to contact him.

Would you email him and discuss it with him? Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com.

Joyce Harley will respond to you.

Not at all. It's simply a public forum where we try to help others. Sometimes arguing the points allows us to drive the points home to the original poster.

I notice you comment on other threads but haven't revealed anything about yourself. I'd really like to see you start your own thread and tell us your experiences.

We'll do our best to help you see how Dr Harley's principles can make a difference for you, if you need one, as they have made a world of difference for many of us.

Hi Mr Alias,

Yes, some of it does resonate with me. I seldom even talk much about myself let alone ask for anything I really need and then when I do I already feel a resentment towards him because he didn't meet my needs.

Having said that, even when I do make it crystal clear what I need I am told I want a soap opera life, or the life of a rhesus monkey. This is the furthest thing from the truth, but because I love a little "we time" when we have RC time, then it makes me the problem for wanting such a thing. My husband appears to think that love is trinkets and pretty things, the physical things in life, and yet I long for closeness. I feel very lonely, more lonely than if I were physically alone. I like having physical alone time immensely, but I don't like feeling invisible to my husband when we are both supposed to be enjoying RC time together. He gets very angry at me for wanting such a thing.

He said to me this weekend that I never used to be like this. This also wasn't true. It is him that was never so cold and uncaring, therefore he never heard a complaint because he fulfilled the need. Once he turned abusive it is as if there is still a massive sense of entitlement with him that negates him even asking himself if he's the one that changed. He did. Massively. I always loved our together evenings so much, and so did he. But when he says I want a rhesus monkey life I feel humiliated and lied about, but I also feel he wants a single mans life without me in it.

I can't change jobs at the moment as no person can sleep at night whilst he does as his snoring can be heard outside the house, so I went on nights to fix that part of our lives; I had no real choice. He's going on a CPAP machine soon, so that should fix that, but even as is, it's our evenings that are currently compatible, but without any closeness from him.

Have you been very specific about what you want. You might have to draw a road map by providing examples. Examples might be
-I would like more eye contact when you talk to me
-I would like you to hold my hand in public
-I would like you to put your arm around me when we're on the couch
-I would like you to share with me how your day went

My wife has a high need for DS. When I tried to meet this need, I wasn't doing the things she wanted most. So she gave me a list of what was important to her and I concentrated on these things.

It doesn't matter what you were like back then. Maybe you've changed, maybe he's changed, whatever. What matters is that you've identified and communicated to him what you need from him to feel in love with him. It's his job to fill your needs. If he doesn't do that than he is responsible for the demise of your M.

His comments comparing you to other objects like this monkey ... that's disrespectful and you need to ask him to stop that. You are a human being who has feelings, who has needs and who is communicating those needs so the one person who swore to fill them can.


So he gets to talk about what he wants but the minute you do he disrespectfully dismisses your request? Or am I taking this out of context?

Mr. A i had posted on dating thread a few month back about sex after divorce i kind of gave a description of my tribulation ( cheating @ deceit of WW/Wife ) ; and about the fact i had no intention of marriage in sight then ( and still like having sex during dating) @ and i had a disagreement with that too. - being 51 i think I'm old enough to know to better. - I might be in 50's but i'm not dead yet either. I won't take any more space of this thread's valuable time
thank you

You have ENs of Conversation, Admiration, Openness/Honesty and some sort of Physical Touch. That is how you feel love. He likes to be able to provide Financial Support so that he can give you gifts. The problem is that he does not understand that you have different ENs than him and by him fulfilling his needs towards you, you don't feel loved. He is making deposits into the wrong account or with foreign money.

And good for the CPAP...him getting good sleep will hopefully help his disposition. He may think he is sleeping for 8 hours, but if you have sleep apnea you are not getting good sleep.

If you are a snorer and you believe you are getting 7 or more hours of sleep yet still feel a need to nap everyday there's a good chance you have apnea.

I do and when I don't use my CPAP I know I wake up during the night more times than usual and when I'm sitting at my desk at work middle of the afternoon I have a hard time keeping my eyes open.

Getting a good night sleep does a lot for one's disposition.

The CPAP is wonderful for marriages. I think it's sexy as hell, because it means I get to sleep, too. LOL

Yes, I have done this, and for a while it works, but not for long.

I know, Mr Alias. I imagine we have both changed as a matter of just growing as life intended. I doubt that anyone stays exactly the same.


He doesn't care about disrespect. Sometimes I could swear he has a book of all these sayings, but even when I ask him to see I am only a human being, it makes no difference.



No, not dismisses my request. It's hard to explain. I feel very invisible so I don't talk much anyway, in fact I have become more withdrawn lately, even my normal humor is vanishing.
I'm very half awake anyway, so it's quite easy not to want to talk much, and usually I don't want to. But say if I was more awake for some reason, every conversation I start or enter, he butts in on. If I come out with something either of interest, or of a personal nature - perhaps about a friend, he makes it about him, or his story. I can seldom ever "just talk". But no, he is not DJ'ing anything I say.

I know - but the physical doesn't mean much to me, even far less than it ever has. I feel emotionally starved. I have explained kindly to him that I am more emotive than physical in needs, but if makes no difference. I have to accept what is on offer or go without.


He's having problems with the machine at the moment and apart from one serious attempt to use it, he hasn't tried much since as he's left feeling too exhausted - it's possible from some research I have done that the machine isn't set right, so when he sees his Dr next Monday we will know more.

Very true, and I'm grateful I don't suffer with that problem and am so sorry for anyone who does. I have enough to deal with with a spinal problem that has literally taken over my life. I used to be so active - running everywhere, keeping up with everything, working,cleaning, and now - I work, but I'm not much use at all I used to do in the super woman arena. In part I am grieving my own body and the loss of such independence to do all I once did. I think I also fear massively that my husband holds my disability against me, albeit subconsciously.

Anyway, I hope his CPAP works out for him in the long run.

Earlier today something else happened. We have bought a new "smart tv" and my husband cannot get the sound to come out through the speakers.

Anyway, I was brainstorming with him about how we could solve it and asking questions as I've always been the one to work out electronics. He kept saying it had been a long day - he said this before and I acknowledged it more than once, but on the last time I said "I know, but that won't help us solve this problem and I went on to ask him about connections etc"

He accused me of "yelling and screaming" at him. This was totally and utterly false. I did not do this, or anything like it. He said later I did raise my voice, which is possible as birds are screeching, the heating was blowing down from the ceiling and making one din - and to top it off I am more than half deaf - which means I either mumble or talk loudly, but no - according to him I "yelled and screamed."

I stated politely several times that I did not do this - it made no difference - he maintained I did.

I quietly said I was going into my office as I was not going to deal with him while he was making false accusations against me.

After a couple of hours I went and showered and got into bed with some water as I get very nervous when he gets like that and my stomach started acting up. There was no apology for hours and hours and I missed my dinner through feeling sick - whilst he ate his dinner and chocolates. He said it was my choice not to eat my dinner. There isn't much of a choice when you feel extremely sick - but he doesn't care about that. He says I cause my own stomach problems and it's nothing to do with him.

I was later told by him that he was going to act normal with or without me.

He did finally end up saying he had exaggerated - and I said 'but that's lying', and he doesn't deny or acknowledge that.

What I don't know how to handle is when a false accusation is levelled against me, how do I deal with it, and how do I deal with my body feeling like it's speeding at 100 miles an hour from internal anxiety?

When we discuss emotional abuse he is clearly of the mind that physical abuse is far worse. Considering that more suicides come out of emotional abuse I beg to differ - from experience and knowing that at this point in time I wish I wasn't on this earth.

I do not believe this man loves me. I can't feel it at all and I haven't for a very very long time, and I'd take a polygraph on this.

It's our 25th wedding anniversary soon - and I so wish it wasn't - not just yet.

He says he is a good husband. Maybe it IS all my fault - I just don't know anymore. I really don't.

Have you emailed the Harleys?

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.

Ana I think the problems in your marriage are more than a DIY project. Wht do you think? What kind of support do you think would set your marriage up for success? Have you read the When to Call It Quits newsletters in the newsletters part of the forum? I think they will help you let these temporary circumstances sink back into perspective.

When your H acts this way, it's out of being a Renter, looking at short term getting his way, instead of being a Buyer, making choices that make your life happy and joyous together long term. But it's okay, look at those articles. You have options, you are not alone.

Ana,
I've just started to get a handle on this one myself...43 years and 1 broken marriage later.

What I've found in my MB marriage is that those "accusations" aren't so much accusations as accurate descriptions of the other person's perceptions. I've had to really struggle with this because although I don't believe i have a big need for Admiration, all my life I've not taken criticism very well. So when my wife says things that sound like criticism, instead of hearing "complaint" and an opportunity to eliminate a LB, or increase $LB deposits; I have tended to get defensive.

Obviously a way to overcome this has been to understand and adhere to MB principles. But to suppliment that I have found some guidance in scripture. Someone can site chapter and verse for me but the Psalm (I believe) describes Love with "Love is kind......Love is NOT DEFENSIVE....."

So, I've been trying really hard not to get defensive when I hear things like that..."you're driving too fast, you forgot to turn off the basement light..." this type of thing.

Also, trying to see things from the other person's perspective goes a long way. If someone is really tired, tense, etc, then a slight voice raise may sound like "yelling and screaming."

These were just some thoughts I had as I read your latest post here.

Opt

Why not just ask if now is a good time to take on the discussion/troubleshooting, and so forth.

He was giving hints that he didn't want to talk about it. He said "I'm tired..."

One of you should have opened the discussion about when to address it. You wanted to do it now, based on what you were saying "I know, but that won't help us solve this problem..."

You were focused on the problem and missing how your husband felt about it. (Tired and not interested in taking on the matter.)

Should he be more direct? Of course? Should you understand when he's indirectly indicating he doesn't want to do it? Of course.

It is possible that from his perspective, your persistence about this topic came across as yelling or something similar.

OK, but are you really acknowledging it if you persist on trying to engage him? It's like saying yes stepping on your foot hurts and then you keep stepping on his foot.

So what is it? You say you talk loudly. Is it possible you were louder than usual? After all, from your account, your focus was on accomplishing your goal. It's quite possible that from his perspective, given all that you've said here, that you were yelling or at least talking more loudly and more animated than usual.


Arguing about if you did or didn't doesn't solve the problem. He's told you in several ways how he feels and I don't see much indication that you really care much about his perspective. (not saying he cares about yours, but he's not here, you are.)



Discounting his perspective is not a good way to build a loving marriage.

I see his point. You were focused more on getting sound from the TV than the fact that he said he was tired and that he felt like you were yelling at him.

From his perspective, your ill feelings are self-inflicted.
Judgmental on his part. He's trying to stay out of what he perceives as your manufactured drama.

This was your opening to suggest that it may seem like that at the time and apologize for continuing to pressure him to get involved with your objective when he's clearly said he's tired.

Why not start with how to handle when he says he's tired. That statement is like a warning sign on the road. Conditions are less than favorable. I'm tired is the emotional equivalent to "Ice on the Road" or some such sign that warns you to proceed cautiously.

If you go full speed ahead, there is greater risk of a bad outcome.

You went full speed ahead with trying to get sound from the TV and you had an accident. Now you are trying to blame the road for the accident.

I'd suggest to him that emotional abuse is just as bad. So when he said he was tired and you persisted in trying to get him to engage the way you thought he should, you were emotionally abusing him, full stop.

If he were here, I would point out your emotionally abusive tactics and suggest that he simply walk away when you try that again. I would suggest to him that he be more direct and proactive. That he should say more than just I'm tired. He should say I'm tired and I want to get some rest before we tackle this.

If you keep on, I would simply suggest he walk away and return later.


I don't believe you love him. You were more concerned about getting sound from a TV than the fact that your husband was tired.

You are more concerned that he exaggerated than the fact that your husband feels like you yell at him.

I'm not saying he's an angel here. I'm saying from your own account, you have plenty on your side of the street to clean up before being too concerned about what flaws you may think he has.

You think you are a good wife, he thinks he's a good husband. I doubt it's all your fault. I doubt it's all his fault. But in the exchange you outline, there is much you could have done differently which likely would have elicited a far different outcome.

No, I haven't done that as yet, but it appears we need more help than either this forum or an email can give. My final post in this thread will explain.

Thanks BH

Hi NewEveryDay,

No, please don't blame my husband. I thank you dearly, but the problem is a medical one. Please read my final post as he's not a renter, but he needs help and kindness from me.

Ana.

Hello Optimism,

Thank you. You make a lot of sense, and I too have always loved the scripture from Psalms.

However, I'm not in a position to start trying to fix anything at the moment - I just need to be strong for my husband. My last post in this thread will explain all.

Thank you so much. Your post is very mature in the nature of loving, and despite all else, I take what you have said seriously. I have much to improve myself.

Thank you again!!!

Ana

Hi Enlightened,

Thank you for the time it took to write what you have. Some of it makes sense, and in light of what I now know, much of it doesn't.

My husband never said he was tired. He was saying he wanted to fix the sound over and over as well as saying it had been a long day. I was getting double messages for 2 whole days, but there was a reason. I did not realise this at the time. Please read my post after this. It may make sense as to why I sound as I did, and why I didn't know how to deal with it.

Thank you very much,
Ana.

For those wanting to know why all of what I wrote happened, there is a reason, and it's one I believe even Dr Harley would tell us to get help for.

My husband was placed on Doxepin for hormonal imbalance a few weeks ago. The first tablet he was ok. The second was reasonable, although he appeared a little more irritable than usual, but neither of us related this to the medication.

The third tablet brought about a minor angry outburst, a radical flattening of his usual personality, and more or far higher energy. Again, neither of us related it to the medication, and he settled.

The fourth tablet was commenced 3 nights ago. The next morning he was talking very fast, rapid and hard for me to keep track. He had AO'S throughout all I described, and yet still wanted to engage me even when I felt too scared to be engaged with him.

Today he was refused a CPAP machine until he spends enough time on one diagnostically and off the Doxepin which he has to come off of slowly due to a medication reaction. My husband has NO true recall of anything that was said by either party. He was flying high and says he still feels very agitated and still very "up" but a little better since coming down from the fourth tablet.

We're both sad this happened, and yes, I know he loves me - this was not the new him I had come to fall in love with again.

I love my husband with every fibre of my being and will love and support him through whatever needs be.

Since starting this thread it is on the upping of the medication that there was any problems. Before that, all was well. He is now sleeping peacefully but is scared he has lost time. I'm now more worried about him.

To anyone else who may read this - if your partner starts acting differently after a new drug has been commenced - please, please, always question the drug rather than your partner as I did.

Ana.