Feeling Very Resentful Towards My Husband - 07/23/13 04:28 PM
Well, most of you know what happened in my marriage, and since the last posting things have been better - much better in the fact that my husband appears to have eradicated the massive angry outbursts.
However, now I know my emotional needs, my husband only fulfills them when he either remembers or feels like it.
During the week he does work very hard, and I acknowledge this to him, and often I am the one pushing him off to bed early so he gets enough sleep.
The problem is I work nights and he works days. He wakes me up with a cup of tea and chatters on to me endlessly about what he wants. Sometimes I am chatty as well, but am only half awake and seldom remember much of what we talked about later. I really do love this time with him but its not "my time" for when I need conversation.
I don't need massive amounts of anything, not anything. I asked for two things from him. That he give me a gentle caress in the evening before he goes to bed, or around the time preceding that, and that he talk to me just a little while we play a game together.
On weekends I get this - minimal, but I get it. Every day during the week it's like being in a morgue, and week after week I feel more and more disconnected to him - then on weekends I am all happy as he gives me that little bit and start to feel connected again and bonded.
If I tell him politely he doesn't listen and nothing ever changes. Well, last night I really cried about it because I can't comprehend why it's so hard for him to give so little. One night last week he even told me I am supposed to know he loves me. Well, I don't know.
Our disagreement last night lasted all of around 15-20 mins and ended with him telling me that "now you are sending me to bed like thus" and that I need to get on MB and read up on things, and that no one that comes to this forum can meet the full UA time.
I feel frustrated and negated by him because he knows I deeply value the time we have together before he goes to bed and I work. I know he is tired, but if he's capable of playing a word game he is capable of every now and then remembering I am there beside him. And am I asking too much to love one caress or touch? He never forgets to collect his hugs before bed. And I am there for him. But I wasn't tonight.
We can POJA things like major purchases, but if it comes down to an emotional need I am still told I open my mouth too much. I cannot understand why he's adult enough to want to talk to me about a purchase, but not caring enough to talk about what I so long for, and it's really so little.
So, tonight I feel very sad and realise I can't make someone see the obvious.
Any advice is very welcome as always
Ugh, I feel so utterly frustrated!!!
~Ana
However, now I know my emotional needs, my husband only fulfills them when he either remembers or feels like it.
During the week he does work very hard, and I acknowledge this to him, and often I am the one pushing him off to bed early so he gets enough sleep.
The problem is I work nights and he works days. He wakes me up with a cup of tea and chatters on to me endlessly about what he wants. Sometimes I am chatty as well, but am only half awake and seldom remember much of what we talked about later. I really do love this time with him but its not "my time" for when I need conversation.
I don't need massive amounts of anything, not anything. I asked for two things from him. That he give me a gentle caress in the evening before he goes to bed, or around the time preceding that, and that he talk to me just a little while we play a game together.
On weekends I get this - minimal, but I get it. Every day during the week it's like being in a morgue, and week after week I feel more and more disconnected to him - then on weekends I am all happy as he gives me that little bit and start to feel connected again and bonded.
If I tell him politely he doesn't listen and nothing ever changes. Well, last night I really cried about it because I can't comprehend why it's so hard for him to give so little. One night last week he even told me I am supposed to know he loves me. Well, I don't know.
Our disagreement last night lasted all of around 15-20 mins and ended with him telling me that "now you are sending me to bed like thus" and that I need to get on MB and read up on things, and that no one that comes to this forum can meet the full UA time.
I feel frustrated and negated by him because he knows I deeply value the time we have together before he goes to bed and I work. I know he is tired, but if he's capable of playing a word game he is capable of every now and then remembering I am there beside him. And am I asking too much to love one caress or touch? He never forgets to collect his hugs before bed. And I am there for him. But I wasn't tonight.
We can POJA things like major purchases, but if it comes down to an emotional need I am still told I open my mouth too much. I cannot understand why he's adult enough to want to talk to me about a purchase, but not caring enough to talk about what I so long for, and it's really so little.
So, tonight I feel very sad and realise I can't make someone see the obvious.
Any advice is very welcome as always
Ugh, I feel so utterly frustrated!!!
~Ana