Just recently, i got very frustrated with my wife of 12.5 years due to the infrequency of making love. I made the mistake of sending her a text containing an article on sexless marriages. She said this caused her to shut down and we have not been intimate in over six weeks. We have three small children and everything to lose if we don't work this out.
Every time I try to get affectionate and tell her how much I love her, she makes this hurtful comment how she loves me like a brother. WTF. I need some advice on how to rekindle our marriage. We are still together and sleep in the same bed, but no intimacy. She does spend and inordinate amount of time on her iPhone and she just today started seeing her therapist. Since we are together day and night, I know there is no one else at least physically. Any advice would be most welcomed. BH4
Sorry you need to be here.
There are a couple of red flags here
Infrequent sex
Heavy smartphone use
"I love you like a brother"
I would suggest you put on your detective hat and start snooping. Taken together these items suggest the likelihood of an affair.
Can you check the call /text history on the phone? Can you check the phone bills?
Every time I try to get affectionate and tell her how much I love her, she makes this hurtful comment how she loves me like a brother.
BIG RED FLAG!
This is a form of ILYBINILWY (I love you but I am not in love with you) and very typical for someone in an affair to say.
She does spend and inordinate amount of time on her iPhone
Again, very indicative of someone in an affair.
Please do not ASK if she is having an affair. Can you access her phone records to see who she is texting/talking to?
Is her phone password locked? I would also slap a keylogger on her phone and any computers she may be using.
Sorry you are here....
Can you plz explain how I can install the keylogger? I am guessing I can just request from phone carrier her phone records but not sure about the texting records. Thanks for the comments.
Check out the forum here called Operation Investigate. You will find a great deal of information there about keyloggers and types of phones and how to install.
BH4 - any progress? How are things going?
BH4,
I see you posting on the spyware thread. I feel for you. My FWW arried out 95% of her A on her iphone 5. The other 5% was in POSOMs bed.
I could never get into the phone, she guarded it with her life. And deleted everything the second she read it. She made a critical error once and drunk facebook messaged OM, but by accident she messaged my father, who [weeks later] clued me into the possibility of an A.
Odds are that she isn't texting or calling OM, it's messaging within FB or WWF or iChat, or endless other messaging apps. So, phone records won't help. You should still try. Over the coarse of three months my W texted OM ONE TIME. Talk about a needle in a haystack. Be prepared for a lot of homework if you get the records (reverse lookups). With a company owned phone, you can't jailbreak it to put on the spyware. Well, you could, but you better get the goods fast because there could be legal he77 to pay if/when company IT finds out.
Hindsight being 20/20, there were a few other things i COULD have done if I suspected something (which I didn't). I could have hired a PI. He would have easily picked up on the 5% that wasn't on her phone. I could have put a keylogger on our PC to get her FB and email password. She used it only rarely but I could have tricked her into logging in. POSOM gave her a necklace that she wore all the time and told me a friend gave it to her. I could have called the friend to "thank" her for the necklace "my wife loves it so much, where did you you get it? I'd like to get her some matching earings". Granted this just gives circumstantial evidence, but it's evidence. Leave no stone unturned. There are clues...find them.
Does she ever leave it unattended and locked? Could you guess her passcode? My DS8 knew FWW passcode so he could play games. She didn't give him the code, he just watched her. Sneaky little cuss. If she has a pattern lock you can generally see finger oils on the screen protector. As long as she locks it immediately after unlocking it you may have a chance. If she never leaves is unattended you are SOL, and need a PI. Or, wait for her to make a error. My guess is she will...be ready.
Excellent post. I have some ideas now.
You are correct, eventually they make an error.
I really like the PI approach.
Thanks!
BH4