Confused about Meeting Needs and Joint Agreement - 10/10/13 09:49 PM
I have been reading this site for a while. I have given my husband the link and some articles I liked, and we have taken some of the questionnaires. We have not instituted the Policy of Joint Agreement, although I would like to.
After completing the emotional needs survey, we basically discovered I am meeting all of his needs and his is not meeting several of mine (I do know ways I can improve some areas he did not identify as very important and am working to do so). The results reinforced my feelings that he is not listening to me.
I don't understand how I can get him to take me seriously.
For example, my husband wants to pay off debt, and I want to do work on the house. We both agree we need to pay off some debt first. Once we pay off the debt, we are disagreeing about what to do next. I want to fix up the house. And, some of the work on the house could be done concurrently if we work together. If my husband doesn't think the work needs to be done, he won't help me.
The other posts I read typically say...have sex (we do everyday).....lose weight/look nice (already look great and he tells me)...I can act happy when I'm not and be extra nice, but if he doesn't care does this help my cause?
One area that he said was being met but could improve, is showing him respect/admiration. When I ask what I could do to make this happen, I am told not to complain about the things around the house that I want done.
What ends up happening, is either nobody does the work, or I do it by myself and resent him for not caring or being grateful.
How do I handle my needs being met? If I ask for help, I am told no. If I voice my unhappiness, I am told I am damaging his needs.
Please, help!
After completing the emotional needs survey, we basically discovered I am meeting all of his needs and his is not meeting several of mine (I do know ways I can improve some areas he did not identify as very important and am working to do so). The results reinforced my feelings that he is not listening to me.
I don't understand how I can get him to take me seriously.
For example, my husband wants to pay off debt, and I want to do work on the house. We both agree we need to pay off some debt first. Once we pay off the debt, we are disagreeing about what to do next. I want to fix up the house. And, some of the work on the house could be done concurrently if we work together. If my husband doesn't think the work needs to be done, he won't help me.
The other posts I read typically say...have sex (we do everyday).....lose weight/look nice (already look great and he tells me)...I can act happy when I'm not and be extra nice, but if he doesn't care does this help my cause?
One area that he said was being met but could improve, is showing him respect/admiration. When I ask what I could do to make this happen, I am told not to complain about the things around the house that I want done.
What ends up happening, is either nobody does the work, or I do it by myself and resent him for not caring or being grateful.
How do I handle my needs being met? If I ask for help, I am told no. If I voice my unhappiness, I am told I am damaging his needs.
Please, help!