Ok
Here I go again. How do you handle this? When it's a remarriage and husband defends the kids and not me? I'm second place. Also, my husband is incorrigible. We can't follow the policy of joint agreement, because he argues about EVERYTHING. Anything I suggest he gets defensive about it. I don't demand. I suggest and want to resolve issues. There isn't any resolution. I'm ready to move out.

If you dont have the POJA then you dont have a healthy marriage.

If your H won't follow POJA or make you a priority in the marriage, nothing is going to improve. Sorry you have to deal with this but from your previous posts I don't understand why you married him. It seems you had some fantasy of being married to him and ignored HUGE redflags.

If he's not willing to get with the program, then separating may be the best option for you.

There were so many qualities he had, or has which I love. I still love him, but I have lost all respect for him. His good qualities, he's a very hard worker, he's very giving, we have a lot of the same interests, and I never saw the bad before we married. I guess I didn't give it enough time. I feel like such a fool. I've been thinking lately how stupid I've been. I was so stupid to believe that his other two divorces were his ex wife's fault. He did nothing but blame them. I've tried everything to keep our marriage going. I have shelves of books I've read. We've been to a lot of counselors, retreats, etc. Yesterday he wrote a note I'm sorry your not feeling well. He thinks I'm mentally sick, when he's the one who throws temper tantrums,, he's the one who calls me names, he's the one with anger issues. He admitted last night that he has the car keys to our spare car which our step daughter uses, because he was afraid I'd take the keys away from her. We've had on going issues with SD. He sides with her. I'm moving out ASAP. I let him know on Monday. I really wish counseling would have worked for us, but the biggest factor is the. lack of trust in our relationship. There is no policy of joint agreement with him. He snapped at me once and said you just want things your way! When in reality it's he who wants things his way. A loving husband would want to please his wife. A pastor told us once that it's the husband who sets the temperature of the home, the wife is the responder. I've read this in other books as well. I can't take the abuse anymore. I've finally recognized it for what it is. He's in denial.

Okay, hold on.
If you are going to separate then you should follow Dr. Harley's methods which would be called "Plan B."

Are you familiar with plan B?

It would be helpful if you would keep your situation on just one thread so we can easily see what has already been posted to you and what hasn't.

Have you read these?
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_quit.html
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_quit2.html

no need to lay now 100% of responsibility on him. We understand that your love bank is in the red by now.

Will you be following one of Dr. Harley's plans?

I read about plan b, just now. I would like to follow Dr Harley's plan, don't know if husband is on board.

I can guarantee you that he wont be on board.
In Plan B, it is expected he wont be.