Some of you might have been around long enough to remember my situation. For those who don't remember or haven't been around long enough, a quick recap.

My H and I have been married for 16 years. He has worked in the oilfield our entire marriage in a position that kept him away from home more than he was home. For obvious reasons this caused many issues in our marriage - deteriorating communication, difficulty finding UA time, deteriorating intimacy, IB and LBs. I have requested, negotiated, begged, pleaded and bargained for many years for him to try to find a different job so he would be home every night and off on weekends.

I am thrilled to report it finally happened!!!! My H started a new job this past Tuesday. He calls it his retirement job because it is so much easier, physically than any job he's ever had. He will work no more than 40 hours a week, Monday through Friday and off every weekend, off on all national holidays, with sick leave and 2 weeks paid vacation every year. The latest he has been home this week was 5:30pm. He got home one day at 2:30! He said as long as he gets his 8 hours a day in, he can come home. There may be days when he has to work till 6 but that will be the latest and since they don't allow over 40 hours, if he does work late one day he will get off early the next.

My dream has finally come true. I've never doubted R's love for me but now my faith is restored that he wants a better marriage and life together as much as I do. He took a cut in pay by accepting this job offer. That is HUGE for him. The money he made is what kept him doing what he did for so long.

I was concerned he would end up resenting me that he might be making a sacrifice to please me. But he assured me he was ready for the change and while he was nervous about drop in income and doing something different than he's ever done, he was taking the job because it was what he wanted to do.

He was offered the job 2 years ago and finally accepted when offered it again 6 months ago on the condition he didn't start till after the new year to give us time to pay some things off and reduce some bills for his peace of mind. That also gave me time to start a small home based business to help financially. I do laser engraving and t shirt designing and transfer heat pressing. I'm not 100% established yet, but had a busy Christmas business and got a big order of shirts for a local organization I've already been paid half to do. I haven't done any advertising yet, everything so far has been word of mouth, which is very encouraging.

I also have the option of substitute teaching part time if needed for extra income.

We are selling our house. We're waiting for a closing date. The buyers are renting it in the mean time, so we're not out the house payment. We bought 5 acres and built a shop we are currently living in that we paid for as we went and built mostly ourselves, so no mortgage. We love living in the shop - its 40X60 with 16' ceiling at the cap. So have decided instead of building an entire house, we are going to add living quarters onto the shop and pay as we go and build most of it ourselves, as well.

We paid everything off except our 2 vehicles. All our bills have been whittled down to those two payments and living expenses. I did comparison shopping on things like electricity and auto insurance and was able to reduce our costs while improving the benefits.

I'm cooking at home instead of eating out like had become our habit. We're both loving that. I actually missed cooking. Lol We will still eat out from time to time, of course. Just in moderation which will also be healthier for us. We're getting older (mid 40s) and need healthier habits.

We are in a honeymoon phase right now because its a novelty to be able to begin and end every day together. My hope and belief is once that wears off, we will find our rhythm and get into a routine that makes us both happy.

I am grateful to MB and the posters that have offered me support, advice and a kick in the pants when I needed it.

I feel like our lives together are finally beginning!! Lol

This is wonderful news and thanks for the update.

How much UA time are you getting?

We were so busy the last month - my H trying to get the shop ready for winter and me working on Christmas orders we really haven't had much UA time. My workroom is in the shop and right now we don't have any interior walls. We talked a lot from across the shop and he helped me for a couple of days when I had several last minute orders come in. We spent all our time together, so to speak, for longer than we ever have and I enjoyed it most of the time. But to be honest, I was ready for him to start work so I could have a few hours a day to focus completely on my work Lol. Still, it is so great to know that he will be walking through that door every evening.

We both have a habit of taking our time together for granted and not thinking in terms of UA time. But UA time is important for us to have a healthy marriage and we need to make time for it.

So when will you start scheduling UA time each week?

Thanks for keeping me on my toes BH Lol. I will discuss scheduling UA time with my H tonight.

Good to hear it. This will help.
The Critical Importance of Undivided Attention