How do you solve this - 01/20/17 07:07 PM
So here is the dilemma I face I believe masturbation has destroyed the sex life of my marriage. I am at the point I just don�t know what to do, I am resigned that it may never change and I simply plead to my God that I will learn to simply trust Him that he knows and that Jesus is better. How he is better I am still trying to understand. God created man with this biological/hormonal cycle that is tied to sexual release. And for some crazy reason it is tied into our emotional needs. Why I have yet to figure this out. It just is. I am clinically train and use many of HNHN in my practice. So here is the problem. And I think I stumbled on some understanding last night. I have over the course of the last 15 yearrs attempted to become the man that God has created me to be. I was never taught by my father how to meet the emotional needs of my wife and so I have actively worked to do that. I have learned how to speak and meet her needs for affection, I have turned down job opportunities in order to meet her emotional needs, I love my wife. I desire to be with her and I do not want to have any other. She is a gifted woman and loves God. She however has more intrest in serving the church than in serving her family and her husband. And I think it is a problem with balancing ministry and family. She spends out more of her energy on ministry and often has little or nothing to give her family and husband. �I cannot not number the times I have her make the statement �I have nothing left to give� and it is often the family and I who are left out in the cold.
I could live with out all of the other areas of emotional input if She was able to give me the physical intimacy I need. Now this is not to say we do not have sex. We do. When she wants. The other aspect of our sex life is she never touches me, it is always about her. She has told me the masturbation is easier that sex takes to much work. She often rejects my advances and I never push it as I want her to enjoy the sex we do have. She often has multiple orgasms when we have sex, but again she will never touch me. She allows me to touch her when we do have sex but doesn�t ever initiate, or even touch me while we have sex. So even when we have sex it is often unfulfilling for me because I feel as if she has gotten what she needs from the event. I have replaced the masturbation for her.
So I am at the point where I am so emotionally done. I am left with this I am called to be holy not happy�I am called to give and give, I am learning what it means to pour out myself and never receive, but its so hard to die to self.
So I have tried to talk with her about this, it is a big part of what I do right help people with their marriage, and I am good at it. I mean I have a success rate of like 90 percent of couples who see me stay together and thrive. If you asked her she would say we have a great marriage and she tells me all the time how blessed she is to have me as her husband. She tells me she loves me, but this one area is like off limits.
I am done and yet I cannot be, because of my position, because I have 5 children who need to know how to be followers of Jesus, and 4 boys who need to learn how to be godly me and to raise godly families� and so I am left to suffer maybe this is just the cross I must carry
I am sure there are many details I left out but I am sure i ca answer I guess just prayer for wisdom
I could live with out all of the other areas of emotional input if She was able to give me the physical intimacy I need. Now this is not to say we do not have sex. We do. When she wants. The other aspect of our sex life is she never touches me, it is always about her. She has told me the masturbation is easier that sex takes to much work. She often rejects my advances and I never push it as I want her to enjoy the sex we do have. She often has multiple orgasms when we have sex, but again she will never touch me. She allows me to touch her when we do have sex but doesn�t ever initiate, or even touch me while we have sex. So even when we have sex it is often unfulfilling for me because I feel as if she has gotten what she needs from the event. I have replaced the masturbation for her.
So I am at the point where I am so emotionally done. I am left with this I am called to be holy not happy�I am called to give and give, I am learning what it means to pour out myself and never receive, but its so hard to die to self.
So I have tried to talk with her about this, it is a big part of what I do right help people with their marriage, and I am good at it. I mean I have a success rate of like 90 percent of couples who see me stay together and thrive. If you asked her she would say we have a great marriage and she tells me all the time how blessed she is to have me as her husband. She tells me she loves me, but this one area is like off limits.
I am done and yet I cannot be, because of my position, because I have 5 children who need to know how to be followers of Jesus, and 4 boys who need to learn how to be godly me and to raise godly families� and so I am left to suffer maybe this is just the cross I must carry
I am sure there are many details I left out but I am sure i ca answer I guess just prayer for wisdom