Why doesn’t my husband listen? - 03/19/21 03:01 PM
I just can’t seem to understand my husband. Premise: We do have sex about once a week. Sometimes it’s longer depending on what’s going on. We’ve got a few issues:
1. He ‘says’ he would like sex more often, BUT he doesn’t pursue it so how am I supposed to know when????
2. He says that I don’t seem to want sex very much.
Herein lies the problem(s). He doesn’t show affection in between sex. Right before sex, of course, but directly after, no. At any other time, no. It’s like we’re just roommates until he needs sex, and then he rolls out ‘his’ version of charm. I’ve gotten to the place where I resent the ‘charm’ because I know it ONLY happens right before sex. I already know his game. If the kids are staying at grandmas, we’ll go out to eat, after eating he’ll open my car door for me, then he’ll put his hand on my knee 🙄. After sex, where is the hand on the knee, why doesn’t he open the door for me or hold my hand? It’s just an act. If it weren’t he would do those things outside of ‘on my way home for sex.’ I’ve told him over and over again that I need affection. You can’t treat me like a person that you just happen to live with all the time, and then like a wife just before sex.
If however we don’t end up going out, he typically just creates a sexual atmosphere without affection: grabs me, or enters the room with just a robe on and just wait for me to pick up on his ‘signal’ and act on it.
Again, he tells me about once a year that he’d like sex more often, but he doesn’t pursue it. It’s like he wants to lay around and have me chasing him for sex, but at the same time he doesn’t want to show daily affection. By daily affection I mean simple stuff like hold my hand, put an arm around me, sit next to me, touch my hair or face, or even talk to me about us. I don’t mean he needs to do ALL these things everyday. I just mean here and there. Do at least something. He initiates NONE of these things. Never. Oops, my bad, unless it’s RIGHT BEFORE sex. And honestly of the things that I listed, some of those things he still doesn’t do. He defintately doesn’t do these things in public. I’m like the plague in public.
I’ve told him if a man doesnt show affection, a wife doesn’t feel attractive or loved. If a wife doesn’t feel attractive or loved, she doesn’t want sex. It’s soooooo simple yet it never sinks in.
I know you can tell I’m venting here and I admit that I am. Because I do have a good husband who is faithful to me and who loves our children. He works and provides for us financially as I homeschool our kids.
Why can’t we get on the same page?
1. He ‘says’ he would like sex more often, BUT he doesn’t pursue it so how am I supposed to know when????
2. He says that I don’t seem to want sex very much.
Herein lies the problem(s). He doesn’t show affection in between sex. Right before sex, of course, but directly after, no. At any other time, no. It’s like we’re just roommates until he needs sex, and then he rolls out ‘his’ version of charm. I’ve gotten to the place where I resent the ‘charm’ because I know it ONLY happens right before sex. I already know his game. If the kids are staying at grandmas, we’ll go out to eat, after eating he’ll open my car door for me, then he’ll put his hand on my knee 🙄. After sex, where is the hand on the knee, why doesn’t he open the door for me or hold my hand? It’s just an act. If it weren’t he would do those things outside of ‘on my way home for sex.’ I’ve told him over and over again that I need affection. You can’t treat me like a person that you just happen to live with all the time, and then like a wife just before sex.
If however we don’t end up going out, he typically just creates a sexual atmosphere without affection: grabs me, or enters the room with just a robe on and just wait for me to pick up on his ‘signal’ and act on it.
Again, he tells me about once a year that he’d like sex more often, but he doesn’t pursue it. It’s like he wants to lay around and have me chasing him for sex, but at the same time he doesn’t want to show daily affection. By daily affection I mean simple stuff like hold my hand, put an arm around me, sit next to me, touch my hair or face, or even talk to me about us. I don’t mean he needs to do ALL these things everyday. I just mean here and there. Do at least something. He initiates NONE of these things. Never. Oops, my bad, unless it’s RIGHT BEFORE sex. And honestly of the things that I listed, some of those things he still doesn’t do. He defintately doesn’t do these things in public. I’m like the plague in public.
I’ve told him if a man doesnt show affection, a wife doesn’t feel attractive or loved. If a wife doesn’t feel attractive or loved, she doesn’t want sex. It’s soooooo simple yet it never sinks in.
I know you can tell I’m venting here and I admit that I am. Because I do have a good husband who is faithful to me and who loves our children. He works and provides for us financially as I homeschool our kids.
Why can’t we get on the same page?