Hello,
Thank you for this space. I am writing as I believe my husband may have a sexual aversion to me. We have been married for less than a year. He only wants to have sex with me once a week, if that. He doesn’t want me initiating, because it puts “too much pressure” on him. I am not sure how to deal with this. I didn’t expect this because when we were engaged, we was always trying to touch me. We waited for mariage to have sex. He had had sex before, but he is my first and only partner. I didn’t expect mariage to be like this. May I receive some advice? I don’t know what to do anymore, and I am now discouraged, and sad to be living like this.

Welcome to MB. I'm sorry to hear that you are having this problem at a time when your marriage should be in the honeymoon period.

I doubt that your husband has a sexual aversion to you if you've never had much sex to begin with. However, there is not much point speculating here about the cause; the issue is whether he is willing to recognise that the situation is making you unhappy, that a regular and enthusiastic sex life is a reasonable request and expectation for newlyweds without children, and that he should work with you to resolve the problem.

There are various ways that you could work on this. You could schedule sex for, say, three times a week - a lie-in on the weekend days and one night during the week, maybe after a date. You could get his agreement to see a sex therapist. You could write to Dr Harley at the radio show for advice (I would do that anyway). But the point is, he needs to be willing to have a mutually happy marriage, and he is denying you that opportunity if he does not want you to pursue this matter ("put too much pressure on him").

If he is not willing to work to tackle an issue that is affecting your feelings about your marriage, that is a bad sign, regardless of the issue.

Don't start a family if it seems that he is unwilling to make your happiness his priority.

Has he said he is afraid of getting you pregnant? I wonder if that would be the most likely reason?

I agree with SugarCane.

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the broadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will receive a call to explain the procedure.

Does he watch porn?