he chose his mother over me. - 10/08/10 01:55 AM
i'm gonna bite the bullet and post.
first, i'm very pessimisitic about my marriage. i'm standing at d's doorstep.
my story isn't very unique. married for 4 yrs. no children.
h decided we didn't have anything in common to make our m work. he has been confiding in his mother during our entire marriage. not once did he talk to me about OUR issues. it led me to believe that things weren't so bad.
mil and i were not enemies but we weren't best friends. i was cordial to her and but like most mil's, she often exaggerated things and claimed that i was evil towards her. my h has a soft spot for them and often took their side. i felt like an outsider throughout our m. i tried very hard to be a great w.
i was the cook, the maid, moneymaker (ie. i had a job), the organizer. i was superwoman. my h didn't want me to be so needy. i was independent as you could be. i did it all. it wasn't enough. maybe i wasn't doing the right things.
we wanted children. it didn't happen. i tried for years. nothing. i wanted to see a specialist. and then the truth came out of his mouth. he didn't think i was going to make a good mother. it hurt me. i shut down and became distant. i told him that his words hurt me tremendously. he looked at me and said that it had to be said and he stood by his comments. he told me that my reaction to criticism didn't encourage him to communicate.
prior to his parents arriving for christmas, i cleaned the entire house and ironed bedsheets for him. and all i wanted was an apology for hurting my feelings. i never got that apology.
i couldn't be cheery at xmas because the words hurt me so badly. he doted on his parents and treated me like crap. he didn't understand why i was 'jealous' of the way he treated his parents.
his parents encouraged him to d me. they told him that they didn't think i treated him well. they made me out to be an abusive wife. everyone who knows me, knows i couldn't hurt a fly.
i admit, we didn't meet each other's EN. it's too late now. we moved on to plan b. no contact. we communicate via our respective l. we have no children so there's no need to see one another.
i've tried to protect myself legally. and my request has been more than fair. but h believes i'm a money grubber who was after his money. the more reason to d me. throughout my entire m, i not once asked for a penny. yet, protecting myself legally after the d bomb was dropped, meant i was a money grubber. had he not dropped the d bomb, i could care less about money. in fact, his own parents have taken advantage of his money for years. for some reason, he's decided to take that out on me. i guess i'm just the easy target.
everyone is heartbroken for me. i have not been able to go through the grieving/healing process. the entire process hurt me tremendously. often to the point where i don't want to live. but i suppress my feelings for the last 10 months. i have sought counselling. and it hasn't helped me ease the pain.
the last thing i want to hear is .. be thankful you don't have children because you are still young - you can move on and have a good life.
a momma's boy is never going to change. i made a mistake by marrying him. i'm sorry for being so down on a forum that is about saving marriages. i wanted to but i'm numb and exhausted. i've given him space but he is no longer in love with me. he feels we are too different to make it work. he felt that marriage shouldn't be hard. it should be easy. everyone knows that marriage is hard work. but he doesn't want to make the effort.
Me. Sorry for taking up so much time and space. i should crawl into a hole and never come out.
first, i'm very pessimisitic about my marriage. i'm standing at d's doorstep.
my story isn't very unique. married for 4 yrs. no children.
h decided we didn't have anything in common to make our m work. he has been confiding in his mother during our entire marriage. not once did he talk to me about OUR issues. it led me to believe that things weren't so bad.
mil and i were not enemies but we weren't best friends. i was cordial to her and but like most mil's, she often exaggerated things and claimed that i was evil towards her. my h has a soft spot for them and often took their side. i felt like an outsider throughout our m. i tried very hard to be a great w.
i was the cook, the maid, moneymaker (ie. i had a job), the organizer. i was superwoman. my h didn't want me to be so needy. i was independent as you could be. i did it all. it wasn't enough. maybe i wasn't doing the right things.
we wanted children. it didn't happen. i tried for years. nothing. i wanted to see a specialist. and then the truth came out of his mouth. he didn't think i was going to make a good mother. it hurt me. i shut down and became distant. i told him that his words hurt me tremendously. he looked at me and said that it had to be said and he stood by his comments. he told me that my reaction to criticism didn't encourage him to communicate.
prior to his parents arriving for christmas, i cleaned the entire house and ironed bedsheets for him. and all i wanted was an apology for hurting my feelings. i never got that apology.
i couldn't be cheery at xmas because the words hurt me so badly. he doted on his parents and treated me like crap. he didn't understand why i was 'jealous' of the way he treated his parents.
his parents encouraged him to d me. they told him that they didn't think i treated him well. they made me out to be an abusive wife. everyone who knows me, knows i couldn't hurt a fly.
i admit, we didn't meet each other's EN. it's too late now. we moved on to plan b. no contact. we communicate via our respective l. we have no children so there's no need to see one another.
i've tried to protect myself legally. and my request has been more than fair. but h believes i'm a money grubber who was after his money. the more reason to d me. throughout my entire m, i not once asked for a penny. yet, protecting myself legally after the d bomb was dropped, meant i was a money grubber. had he not dropped the d bomb, i could care less about money. in fact, his own parents have taken advantage of his money for years. for some reason, he's decided to take that out on me. i guess i'm just the easy target.
everyone is heartbroken for me. i have not been able to go through the grieving/healing process. the entire process hurt me tremendously. often to the point where i don't want to live. but i suppress my feelings for the last 10 months. i have sought counselling. and it hasn't helped me ease the pain.
the last thing i want to hear is .. be thankful you don't have children because you are still young - you can move on and have a good life.
a momma's boy is never going to change. i made a mistake by marrying him. i'm sorry for being so down on a forum that is about saving marriages. i wanted to but i'm numb and exhausted. i've given him space but he is no longer in love with me. he feels we are too different to make it work. he felt that marriage shouldn't be hard. it should be easy. everyone knows that marriage is hard work. but he doesn't want to make the effort.
Me. Sorry for taking up so much time and space. i should crawl into a hole and never come out.