In trying to be the sanctifier - he is trying to save his wife, "sanctify" her, change her, but he is doing so without being the savior first - the savior who puts unconditional love oh nis wife, the savior who would die for his wife. In doing that - he gets no result - you cannot change someone.

But in being the savior first, then the sanctifier, changes will come on their own, as it was how God designed men and women.

so therefor God designed all women to need to be changed...