I actually do keep reading this...and while I am not in disargreement with what you said..I am having a hard time connecting the dots of how one gets to such a marriage...
or even the coninueal work in progress..

my misunderstanding is that so much of this based on the necessity of pre-existing negative qualities/behaviors to have to exist in two people prior to getting married...and then be rectified post speaking of the vows....

while i understand the sanctifying as in setting apart...
I don't understand the example of changing a wife...as the way to sanctify her...
Well, thanks for keeping reading Ark! I will answer your questions specifically below. but this paragraph kind of sums it up, so let me give you a summary answer.

First off, all of us need to change. All of us. All of us need to be sanctified. We do not realize the end of that sanctification, those changes...until we reach Heaven. there is always more to change, more to fix. Always...with everyone! Salvation was a one time act, by accepting Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Sanctification is a lifetime process. Now, with that...let me answer your questions.

God not only wants us to be our wives’ savior, He wants us to be Her sanctifier. The word sanctification is one of those big words that basically means “to set apart as unique or special.” In the Bible many times, God took the vilest things and sanctified them for His own use. When a man sanctifies a woman, he sets her apart from her past.

Now, to express this point again…you cannot become a sanctifier until you become a savior. And saviors die! If you want to change your wife, if she is not submitting to you, if she is not living up to her side of the bargain…and you have seen all of your actions and endeavors to sanctify or change her go for naught…maybe it is because you are trying to be a sanctifier before being a savior. The goal of sanctification is to change something from what it is into what it ought to be. But until we men are ready to die (in other words…die to ourselves), then don’t expect our efforts to bring about change that works.

so for a husband to sanctify his wife he must change her???
Ah...yes, and no. First off, sanctification is changing someone. From who they are to who they ought to be. And guess what? We will all fall short until we reach heaven. So, yes...sanctification of the wife involves her changing. God does much of this through a hierarchy. He changes all of us thru Jesus. Jesus sanctifies the husband in the family. The husband sanctifies the wife. This is a Biblical principle, one that God uses to accomplish His program, which is the ongoingness of the family.

Now, the "no." No, the husband is not repsonsible for changing his wife. He is responsible for doing the things that God tells Him to do that will bring about change in his wife. If he does that, then the responsibility for change rests on Christ. This was the HARDEST thing for me to realize i nthis mess of the A and my wife. I thought I was responsible for her changing, thus when it wasnt happening, it hit me hard. I couldnt make her change!!

But that wasnt my job. My job was to lead. To be her sanctifier, as I put in the study above, and nourish/cherish the changes that needed to be made. Not to issue orders or condemn wrong actions. but just to lovingly tell her the truth, and to provide as I listed i nthe study. And then...God takes over from there in taking what the husband has done, and changing his wife for the better.

Actually, the biggest job of sanctification as I outlined from the study is the role that the husband fills as pastor of his home. Go back and read that part. it is thru his spiritual leadership, that change comes to his wife. Many times ,tha tchange is blocked because the husband has refused to lead, to be the pastor in his home.

What Jesus does for His bride (the church) you are to do for your bride. You are to pastor her, in order to bring about change. In 1st Corinthians 14:34-35. the Bible is very clear on the subject of men pasturing heir homes: “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but [they are commanded] to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.” What Scripture says is that if a wife wants to know something, learn something, understand something…she shouldn’t head to the pastor at her church first…she should be heading to the pastor in her home…her husband. Her private pastor. A shepherd who knows how to open up the Word and minister to his personal congregation. But if you are going to be a pastor in your house, you need to go to church and learn from the pastor in that house. You need to go to Bible study. You need to learn all you can, so you can answer the questions of your wife…so you can shepherd her.

It is the job of a man to be the spiritual head of his home. A wife can not do this…the husband has been given that role, and the tools to do so. She has not. Now watch this…if you are not the spiritual head of your home…don’t be surprised if you are no head at all. So, here is the question. How many times a week do you pray with your wife? How many times a week do you have devotionals with your wife? How often do you spend time calling on God with your wife? If you are doing it rarely, you are pastoring rarely. Don’t expect the congregation to show up, if the pastor is hardly in the pulpit.

You see, this is what Scripture is saying. It says that the way that Jesus sanctifies (sets apart…changes) his bride is by pasturing it. And if you want to sanctify and change your wife, then you have to do so by washing her with the Word. By pastoring her. If your wife has to come to church to get pastored…then you have another man more influential in your home than you are. It means that another man has too much power over your wife. YOU are her pastor!

You seem to think I have a negative view of women. I do not. But what I have is a realistic view of mankind, where we are at and where we are going. We cannot achieve perfection until we reach Heaven. Until then, we must all change daily. There is not such thing as the PERFECT marriage. Never has been...never will be. What we aspire to cannot be reached. But what we do is move closer to it everyday thru change.

Now, it isnt just the wife that needs changing. The husband has to also. But the husband has a sanctifier...and that is Jesus. The husband is the head of the wife. Christ is the head of the husband. And God is the Head of Jesus. There is a heirarchy.

he must ?? the husband??
and she MUST NEED changing????
I just answered this above. Yes, she needs changing. So does the husband. but the wife is not responsible for the husband's changes. The husband is held by God to be responsible for the wife's though.

and mortarman know that some of the global examples are unjust and present quit a negative of veiw women...be these your opinions or the people that taught this class drive me crazy...
I do not care how mankind perverts the word of God. That is irrelevent. If they would do it God's way, this would not be happening.

all married woman must be changed..must need changed
to recieve Gods blessings
All people MUST be changed...must be sanctified.And yes, the closer we come to God, the more sanctification (change), the more blessings. This is a very real, Biblical principle.

these are extremely negative view of women and men....
Not negative. Realistic. And Biblical. Remember, the Bible says that we are only worthy of destruction due to who we are and what we have done to God. And while negative, God says He loves us enough not to leave us there. Thus the process of sanctification...the process of change. For all men and women that will accept God's stewardship.

They thought they were marrying this quiet person…she hasn’t stopped talking yet

He thought he was marrying a submissive woman…she started bossing him around right after the wedding.

sheesh do you really believe that men are that easily duped..
Sometimes. This was a generalization. Didnt mean to be negative. But this does hold true to varying extents in every marriage. You get in and then a few years later, realize it isnt what you thought it would be. The negatives (and everyone has them) that you glossed over while dating, are now irritants. Maybe not huge ones, but they are there. Again, I am not saying that every marriage is a battleground. What I am saying is that what happens while dating and the early part of the marriage is not the reality that will be in place later on. And it is at the point of realization of this reality that a marriage reaches a point where changes are made, or they begin to fall away. Again, even in a good marriage, there are problems. Not a negative view...just a true one.

We men had a perspective on what we thought we were getting into and who we were getting into it with…only to be highly disappointed. Many men say “She’s changed.” Actually, what has happened is that she changed back. Back to what she was before she put on her best face for you while you were dating.

this is sooo degrading and stupifying women....as if we all convive and pretend while dating...then turn on men at the honey moon...in to some type slithering snake out to boss them....
Not degrading for women!! Look, the wives have the same complaint. When we dated each other, we didnt let it all hang out. We didnt show them all of the negatives. Why would we? We are trying to win that person over, to make a lifelong commitment to us. So, we accentuate the positives and try to cover over the negatives. That is a simple fact. If we understood this before marriage, we would have realized to be ready for the fact that once married, we will find out the rest of the story. Actually, we will spend a lifetime finding out the rest of the story. I heard fro ma couple that was married for 35 years that said that everyday, they still learn smething new about their partner.

Again, Ark...please do not take this so negatively. This battle we are talking about is a curse, as given to us in Genesis. And I will talk more about it in the women's section. Some are better at it than others. But better at it isnt perfection. We all have work to do. Which is the point of what I was saying. And with that work, God outlines exactly how to do that. With the husband, he must sanctifier her as outlined in the study above. The wife brings about change in a different way, as you will see.

and if this whole theory is based on that negative view of women as a reality...
that's what I don't understand and don't agree with...
Again, I covered this above. Not a negative view of women. A realistic view of BOTH men and women.

so know I am not argueing with you to just argue...I just think this is presented with broad stereotypes..
Oh, for sure. I will agree with that. But those stereotypes are based on something. Something real. mean and women are different. But we both share the same fallen state. To be sanctified, to be changed for the better, is a different process for men than it is for women. And vice versa. Actually, I wish that I had the wife's section out already because you will see that I am not beating up on women or singling them out.

and that while I may agree with premise of Gods desires...the examples of how this is to occur totally disregard people as having much worth... and turn both sexes in clodd-hopping snakey vile individuals....
Oh. no-no-no! Not worthless. Great worth!! Just like a diamond in the rough. But you dont leave the diamond there. You cut it, polish it. Make it what it was meant to be. Make it priceless. That is the process of sanctification for both men and women. And it is a life long process. Not a negative view, Ark. A positive view! One that says "here is this diamond that I just pulled out of the ground. A little dirty, got a few imperfections attached to it. But a diamond nonetheless. What I want to do is take it and make it more than it is now. It may take me hours or days to do so, and if the diamond could "feel," it would no doubt be painful sometimes. But in the end, it becomes what the diamond owner saw in it when he first picked it up.

God sees in us, not who we are...but who we can be if we are cut and polished correctly. Now that process doesnt take hours or days like a diamond. It takes a lifetime to get it right. All this study has shown in the section on sanctification is that God has a way of polishing diamonds. This is His method. And He holds those diamonds to great value. How much value?

Enough that the God of this Universe sent His only Son to die for those "diamonds." Now, how priceless are we?

In His arms