Hi Mortaman,

I am struggling day by day as a BS and my thread details all of the messy bits with my WH.

We are separated, he has discontinued contact with the OW (EA for 3 months) and only sees her rarely in a professional sense only.

Occasionally he wants to be with me, then he decides that I am not the woman he once knew and gets scared.

He sent me this text message last weekend after spending the day with the kids/me:-

"2M2L, I feel so upset, so annoyed and so empty after being with you. I'm ashamed of myself for thinjgs that I have done but I don't know you anymore. Even now after everything you continue to lie and twist the truth to cover up the daming things you've done. I can't be manipulated by you anymore. I can't move on from what you've done. I can't forgive you. I can't even write a text message without bashing my phone. I'm sorry but you cheating would have been easier for me to move on from. I hold you responsbile for us being in the situation we are in right now, not me. We were repairable until you... I wish I could say that I don't hate you but the truth is I really think that hate is the only emotion that I have left for you. I'm not sorry and the ball is in your court."

He believes that it was a best friend therefore not an affair.

He believes that I over-reacted and exposure to his boss, one colleague, a brother, his mother and the OW and her parents was way over the top and ruined us and his trust etc.

He knows I accessed at least 2 of his phone bills (confirmation of 300+ calls to her in a month after the bill hit $1,000 instead of $100).

He thinks I had him followed.

So, he thinks I have destroyed us. He had a PA 2 years after we married and has been verbally abusive in our marriage.

I didn't know about the abuse until I started posting here on MB and received the kind views of outsiders!

I still want to save my marriage. We have 2 very young children and I do love my H.

I became the head of the house - main wage earner, great job, he stayed home with kids, wrote music - not really successful as an independent artist but great with live gigs, I managed finances, he paid bills and cleaned the house and I did the washing.

It is all messed up and he stopped going to church after his first affair.

How can I get this on track bibically? Is there a way to still save this marriage? I read with interest your "Surrendering to your husband" thread and I want to take it all on. I need him to see my softness again instead of my razor tounge.

Any tips would be appreciated!

Thank you

BS 32 (1st marriage), WH 38 (2nd marriage), DD 3, DS 1
Married Aug 2002, EA/PA 2005, NC mid 2005
EA Jun 2008, Plan A, 1 Aug 2008, WH moved out 14 Sep 08, D-Day 14 Sep 08, Moved home 2 Nov 08, moved out 30 Nov 08
Plan B, 2 Dec 08, broken 5, 11, 15 & 17 Dec 08
Current Status: Contact for visitation, children and finances.
Embarking on a new plan to Let go and Let God and to not settle for less than I deserve!