Originally Posted by StayingStrong32
I confronted the OM immediately, and let them both know that no more communication will happen between them, or there would be severe consequences. In addition, I told him I would tell his wife unless he did. And he apparently has now. I plan on confirming that with her this week.

I intend on following all the advice presented here. I will make the bounderies very clear, and I will insist that everything is shared. She has confessed everything to her family and to mine, which took an incredible amount of bravery on her part. She has displayed that she is committed to this family and making our marriage work. For that, I am so greatful. I honestly can't imagine having to goIng through some of the D stories I've read on this forum.

I don't have anything to add to the good advice you've already gotten, only to amplify it: As Melody Lane said, "Keeping the affair a secret only increases the chances that it will resume. Affairs thrive on secrecy. If the OM's wife is not told, then your wife is free to pursue him and he is free to pursue her. With 2 people watching the adulterers from both end, it is less likely to resume."

There is no reason for you to trust this guy, and no reason for you to hold off a moment longer on telling his wife. Failing to do so is tantamount to acting as his enabler. He's no friend of yours and he needs to understand that you & your marriage are not to be trifled with.

Me: FWH, 50
My BW: Trust_Will_Come, 52, tall, beautiful & heart of gold
DD23, DS19
EA-then-PA Oct'08-Jan'09
Broke it off & confessed to BW (after OW's H found out) Jan.7 2009
Married 25 years & counting.
Grateful for forgiveness. Working to be a better husband.
"I wear the chain I forged in life... I made it link by link, and yard by yard" ~Jacob Marley's ghost, A Christmas Carol
"Do it again & you're out on your [bum]." ~My BW, Jan.7 2009