Originally Posted by Just Learning
The boundaries that need to be in place with a PLAN to enforce them are HER boundaries not boundaries you set for her. Until she can come to you and tell you about her boundaries going forward and how she will protect them, you are simply becoming her watchdog, relieving her of the responsibility of facing her own failures.
JL


This is REALLY great advice. When we talked about boundaries the other night, it was all me telling HER what the boundaries were. She did not respond well to this. Tonight I will take everything back, and ask her to come up with her own boundaries which she must stay accountable to.

And I agree, lack of communication was not the whole problem. I think I've determined something I learned a while back about EQ, or Emotional Quotiant. It's someone's ability to not just use their "feelings" in making a decision, but also use their "thinking". If you use mostly your "feelings" when you make a decision in order to fulfill an emotional impulse, you have a low EQ. If you use your "thinking" to override your emotions, then you have a higher EQ. Fortunately, EQ can be taught, and anyone can learn to raise their EQ.

So, I've determined, especially based on other aspects of our life and how she makes decisions is, my W has a very low EQ. I look forward to studying more about this and hopefully determining a way to raise it. Any thoughts?


BS (Me): 32
WW: 32
D-Day: 12/28/09 (fresh in my mind)