Originally Posted by shinethrough
SS32, if you do that, you will constantly be living with the elephant in the kitchen. Talking about these things is exactly what you must ultimately do. This "easy forgiveness" at this point so close to DDay will not serve your R well at all.

Jerry, I never said anything about forgiving her this quickly. I really like your second link in your post, where he talks about not forgiving until forgivenss has been well earned, which might take many years. There's a difference between forgiving, and dwelling on the huge mistake that she made by being unfaithful. We spent a week dwelling on it, we talked in depth about every detail of the affair, we mourned together, we recommitted ourselves to eachother, and at this point I see NO reason for reviewing the events of the last 2 months. Now, we're both in counseling, and hopefully she'll be able to discover why she did it, and learn how to prevent it in the future if it ever comes up, but the "elephant in the room" is not something we have any need or desire to talk about again. I'd just assume move on.

And, sometime down the road, when she has EARNED back my love, trust and respect, I will forgive her for what she did. It might take several years, but I hope I can do that someday.

BS (Me): 32
WW: 32
D-Day: 12/28/09 (fresh in my mind)