It's not that I think the forum is to "tough", I just think there's a difference between a support group and a group that laughs at you because they think you're in "denial", redicules you for having any level of trust, attempts to turn you against the marriage you're trying to save, and then insults you if you don't take their advice. Maybe that's the way you long-timers roll. Frankly, I really can't see myself in this forum 5 years down the road ridiculing everyone who is struggling with infidelity, telling them how stupid and gullible they are, and trying to convince them to submit their WS to a polygraph. But, if that's what floats your boat, then so be it. Kindof pathetic if you ask me.
SS, here's the deal. The people who post to you have seen a LOT - A LOT - of people just like you come here, frustrated, scared, wanting to give in or to beg just to keep the wayward home or from straying. But the people who post to you KNOW what works and what doesn't. It really IS like a science. This works; that doesn't.
So...we give you the drill. Tell you what works. Commiserate at first and hope you'll man up and fight to save your marriage, despite your fears. But so very often, the BS is TOO SCARED to fight. The WS's ANGER and threats drive everything.
When that happens, the BS has lost control. And will NEVER get the marriage back without fighting the affair. So we gripe. Push. Even intimidate sometimes.
Because we know.
We've seen it all.
And they all act the same. It's called a script for a reason. ALL waywards spout the same crap - no matter how nice they were before they were overtaken by the alien addiction.
Is this a guarantee to get her back? Of course not. But it is THE BEST HOPE YOU HAVE for saving your marriage. And if posters here get under your skin, it's a GOOD BET that there is a REASON why they're getting to you. Best to consider that, and ask yourself what it is about that particular post or poster that bothers you?
Surely it isn't just you're being offended. If that's the truth, well, is that what you do in real life? Leave people who offend you? Leave uncomfortable situations? Or learn from them and improve yourself?