SS32,

In many ways, where you are right now, I have been before.

I knew when I first signed into this website exactly one year ago today that my situation was like no other. A year later, 14 months after D-Day, I now know that what I went through and am going through now is just a new verse in a very old and sad song.

There really is Nothing New Under The Sun. In fact, this is the oldest story in the human saga. Check the Bible -- two chapters for setup and, as Emeril Lagasse says, BAM!

Some people (maybe most if the statistics are accurate) just have to take a bite of the Apple -- it seems to be in our very nature. And those that do find out that the Apple is a Sour Apple, sweet at first but bitter to the taste once the mind comprehends the foul nature of the fruit and the fog clears.

I know this from sad experience myself. Two decades ago, I took a nip from the Damned Thing. It was an ONS and the shame from what I did in that drunken idiocy will haunt me the rest of my life. I hid what I did in abject shame until I got hit over the head with a marital 2x4.

My wife went further and took a solid chomp, an EA/PA that lasted 22 months/18 months. Our D-day was like yours. She confessed that she was having an A.

The fact that she confessed made a great deal of difference. Despite her wails of "I don't KNOW what I want!" I assumed that it was over and it would be clear sailing as we tried to repair the damage.

{Snort} Yeah. Right.

I had hip replacement surgery two weeks to the day of D-Day. We left the next day, went out of town to "reconnect" and had some serious Hysterical Bonding despite my infirmities. Come to find out, she was still texting the POS I refer to as Pond Scum the entire time.

She had promised no contact. And she continued to promise it each of the eight times she broke NC. The ninth time finally took. What made it stick was my exposure to Mrs. Pond Scum.

Pond Scum entered my FWW's life as a co-worker. He told everyone there that he was divorced. In fact, he was living with a girlfriend at the time, so his tale went unchallenged.

I researched and found out that he'd never been divorced. In fact, he moved back in with his undeclared wife about seven months earlier. When my FWW found out that he really was married, she turned white as a sheet and WANTED me to expose.

I found out that Pond Scum had been gaslighting his wife for months, and that she bought it. She detailed some of their conversations, and when my FWW heard about it, NC was established, and WD ended almost immediately.

Given that, you'd figure it was full speed ahead, right?

{Snort} Yeah. Right.

She continued to spin what had happened. The story kept changing, over and over again. It wasn't until six months ago that she finally vomited out the entire truth. The details had changed just enough each time to keep me on the edge, so R really dates from that final data dump.

So, here's something to remember: WAYWARDS LIE. How can you tell? Their lips are moving. Mine kept lying to me even though she knew she wanted to work things out.

You can't move forward until you KNOW you have the truth. You just can't. Say what you want, you're still going to wonder about things until you KNOW what really happened. It will eat you up.

-- Duty calls. Part 2 to follow soon. --


BH 52
FWW 50
S26 S24
EA 3/07-1/09
PA 5/07-10/08
NC finally established after eight false starts: 1/23/09
Final Version of Events 6/09
In a solid Recovery, and lucky beyond belief.