Hi, I'm new here. Found out about my husband's 3 year affair 37 days ago. Yesterday was the first day I didn't cry. My story in a nutshell: My husband works with the OW and they first were friends. We were having normal life problems: three little kids (one being an infant), new house addition, new position at the company for my husband- lots of stressors. Their affair at first was long distant, physical when at meetings, etc. Lots of calling, texts, emails. Tons of calls. Then, 10 months ago, my husband takes a new job with the same company and we transfer. The move takes us 3 miles from the OW's house. I still know nothing. My husband introduces us (me and the OW), I get to know her, like her. We get together socially with the OW's family, our boys end up being best friends, the OW introduces me to her friends, inviting me to holiday cookie parties, etc. She and her family (husband, kids, and her mother) come to Thanksgiving dinner at my home with my family, my husband's family all there. I obviously still know nothing. Dec. 20, her husband calls me to tell me he has found emails/calls that prove an affair. He tells me its been three years. My husband was right there while I was on the phone. I have not stopped crying since.
The lying, deceit, the disrespect, the utter lack of love or caring for me is what hurts the most. I'll take half responsibility for the marital problems aside from this, but I didn't know our issues were to this magnitude. I wasn't given a chance to fix things. All of his emotions, emotional energy, his worries, desires, dreams were being told to her not me. I was robbed of my marriage for three years. We have been in therapy now 5 sessions. I just am not sure what to do. I want to do the right thing for my kids, but I don't want to stay in a relationship that is broken beyond repair. Very ambivolent right now as to what to do. So angry that if I decide to divorce, it will be my fault in the eyes of the kids. That breaks my heart. If I choose to move on, will I trust again? Can I possibly find happiness and a true meaningful relationship with another at age 39? Can I make it on my own? Will my kids be damaged?
So many worries- trying to remember to take it one day at a time.
Thanks for letting me ramble.