Hello flipper<P><BR> If I may ask I was reading your response to Zombie. & You said at one point you thought it would be easier to jump into the OW arms. What stopped you & or what was sending you in that direction. <P> LotsofHope<P><P>------------------<BR>

Lotsofhope:<P>I tried to put myself in my W's shoes and I saw that I probably deserved all the whacks she was handing out. I guess we just don't think about the pain we are causing someone else when we are getting our needs met. The OW is just waiting with open arms and all I have to do is jump. Kind of like a recovering alcoholic staring at the open bottle on the bar. You know you want it real bad but you also know it will probably destroy you if you take it. So for once in your life you pucker up and take your medicine instead of the drink. <P>The problem is that you have to have a lot of patience because some people don't heal nearly as fast as you would like for them to. But if you come to terms with your failings and begin to fix your life, you will see that your spouse will soften.<P>Since you are on the other end of the stick I would suggest that if she is showing signs of coming back to you and you really want her, then work with her to get through this quickly. Don't be busting her chops with little reminders of how much bad or how little good she has done. If you want her back it must be because you find something you really want. If you really want and love her then forgive and move on. Begin doing the things that she missed from you. The things that you would want her to do for you.<P>I just started treating my W like I treated the OW and it's been a long road but she is softening up, slowly but surely, I hope.<P>The quicker you soften up the less likely she is to go back to other man. You will have to learn how to trust her all over again and that will be the hardest part. But I think men forgive quicker than women do. So hang in there and do all of the right things. For now, don't give her any excuse for going elsewhere to find what she should have at home.<P>Good luck to you both.<P>Flip <p>[This message has been edited by flipper (edited October 22, 1999).]