I first came to this site when I discovered the affair. I sought the support and understanding that this was to provide. This allowed me to see that there is life after...

I wrote poems that helped to express what was happening in my heart and in my life.

I though I would share them with you.

This is a journal entry from Nov. of 2009
For the past ten years I have not been happy or felt close. Our lives were no longer intertwined but had moved in separate directions. I remember countless pleas to try to reconnect but things were the same. The discovery of the affair continued to broaden the distance between us. The deceit that remained that he was still involved with her caused mistrust and insecurity in me. The financial problems magnified the brokenness in our relationship. It was my hope that a fresh determination would have prevailed. Unfortunately, it provided the "out" that he had desired. He stated that he only married me because of being pregnant. Although this could not be further from the truth, it became the cornerstone to his reason not to try to reconcile. I must recognize that my life before me leaving has been filled with loneliness, disappointment, heartache and hopelessness. The time since I have left has been an agonizing time for me.
This is the truth of the situation between us and the inevitable conclusion which is divorce.
I will now be responsible for my own happiness, future, financial choices, and any thing else that comes my way. I choose to look at Divorce Day to be a day for new starts, hopes and dreams. I will choose to see it as a positive not a negative. I will be happy. I will prosper. I will find a deep committed relationship with someone."

It surprised her today, it has been nearly a year
The painful truths that made it unbearably clear
Dreadful signs lead to the only real choice
�This is not life, nor is it love� said her heart�s voice

She had hoped, she had prayed,
A different outcome began to fade
She had made countless pleas,
With her life on her knees.

Packing up a life with all its dreams
Trying to quiet her heart as it screams
Tears flowed freely as she took one last look
As to close the chapter in her life�s book

Her hands shook as she found her keys,
Doubt spoke loudly to sway and to tease.
A new life to begin she know not what,
She paused at the door then pulled it shut.

She began the drive to a safe place.
The stains of the tears marked her face,
A call came from a from miles away
The caller spoke truth as she made her way.

Fresh hope, new goals and dreams to believe
The hurt, pain and deception will leave
Time to heal, restore and to rest
To know that with Christ she is Blessed.

Nearly a year has passed how could it be?
She lived through the pain and is able to see
That day was a start and not the end
Her life is more whole, she is on the mend

The healing the comfort is hard to explain
The balm of His Peace applied on her pain
The questions the doubts, and fears are just
To remember His Love is to trust.
BC � 1/18/2010