Obviously you can't change the past, anchorhugger, and I am not saying this to make you feel bad, but I have been around these boards long enough to see the amazing healing power of exposure. Not only is it God's plan but it has restored so very many marriages on the board over the years. Almost every recovered marriage on our board attributes that recovery to exposure. And one of the first things Dr Harley recommends is exposure to your children. I can see how that would have had an amazing positive effect on your relationship with your children if it had been done back when the affair was taking place. I can aslo see how exposure of your husband to the church and the church authorities, a Biblical mandate, might have made him repent. He should have been removed from his pastoral position, of course, because he was an unfit pastor.

Affairs thrive on secrecy so keeping them a secret only serves to enable them. It is like being an accessory to the crime.

You say that oyur husband was not in love with you. That is what the Marriage Builders program achieves: it restores the romantic love to marriages.

I don't blame you for not knowing about Marriage Builders, because years ago when you showed up they weren't discussing this wonderful, God breathed program on this board. It was a Tower of Babel that helped no one.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101