Let me preface this by saying that H and I have has fidelity issues in the past. Mostly internet/text, long distance between himself and other women. He has admitted that one time he had a meet set up with a woman and it fell through at the last moment. The pattern is that they're "just friends"... Until they're not.
This past fall he met a girl via a "strictly platonic" ad on craigslist. They started as friends and things progressively got more intimate. I kept noticing her name on his screen, but figured (hoped) that she was just a friend. But still, since he was letting her know when he was going to bed each night, texting constantly and turning his phone away from me or turning it off when I'd walk up, I was suspicious.
He gave me his phone so he could play kickball with friends in the rain the other night and I looked... He was talking about how he loved certain things they did and planning other meets and there was also mention of her breasts being off limits in the near future because of the baby.
It didn't even occur to me that the child could be his.
I confronted him Saturday night and he told me that yes, he was having a son and that he would be here late this month if he didn't decide to come early.
I saw the love and excitement in his eyes... He's always wanted a son. I asked to see the ultrasound. Sounds cheesy and fake but I fell in love with him too. I'm obviously still heartbroken and having some severe anxiety and trust issues, but I want to keep my family together.
Fast forward to yesterday morning... She lets him know that this is it, water broke and she's heading to the hospital.
I'm nervous, excited, sad, betrayed, worried about the child, the mom, sorry that H can't be there... When they can finally talk, he tells her I know and that I'm ok. That I'm excited and scared and want to meet them both. Obviously, she's afraid I'm going to make a scene, but I don't have that in me. I'm nervous she won't like me and as a result won't let me see him.
He got her calmed down and she agreed that I could come too. I have the new parents a few minutes without me. Felt like a lifetime. I went in and told her that I was so sorry that he couldn't be there for her.
We had a good talk and I fell more and more in love with the baby. He's beautiful and I see our other kids in him. She's a sweetheart too. I can see why they clicked.
So... We're planning on couples counseling, therapy for the kids, complete transparency with each other. The three of us are a team for our son... (yeah, I'm already claiming him too). I'm anticipating some major blowback from H's mother, but I'm standing with him to protect our son and his mama from the nastiness that H's mother can spew. We're hoping to meet with our pastor for some guidance on that because we're members of H's mom's church and he could direct us to scripture that would comfort her.
So... I need guidance on how to (and how not to) introduce our two children together to their brother. And if you've got it, advice on getting H's mom to accept her newest grandchild.