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Hello all I'm new here I desperately need advice meanwhile I've been getting bad advice unfortunately must say all the wrong advice for the past two years.
I was contacted on social media from a woman claiming her in my husband had a child. Together This was two years ago. The situation has been nothing but a nightmare.so far my husband did a DNA test which came back as him being the child father. I absolutely Wasn't excited about the situation at all because the child is the same age as my son which means we we're pregnant at the same time how disgusting of him.
Not to mention we share five children together this woman has made my life a complete living hell me and my husband argue extremely too much over this nightmare. she's been telling me she wants our children to meet but she never attempted doing so for the last two years although I actually was all for it. But at this time in my life I just don't wanna deal with her or her child. I
embrace the situation attempted communicate with her only because there is a child involved.
My husband only saw the child one time she makes sure she tells me how many years he's been in her bed she's always telling me she's not going to sleep with him anymore she just wants him to co-parent with her but doesn't wants me calling although she contacted me on social media. she took out a fake retaining order out which the judge thrown out She gets upset when my husband doesn't contact ther I'm just done with the whole situation so sick of the bs he definitely betrayed me but yet he's a good provider he takes care of his family said he's sorry for making a mistake cut off all contact with her years before I even found out. please all advice will be appreciated...
Last edited by Nahja; 08/04/17 07:56 AM.
Tiffaniehill
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Hello Nahja, welcome to Marriage Builders. Dr Harley is the founder of Marriage Builders and here is what he advises: What to Do with a Child of an Affair
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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When the unfaithful husband and the betrayed wife have children together, the decision to have no contact with the child of an affair is much easier than when there are no children. My argument is that any contact with child of an affair puts the security of the other children at risk because it greatly increases the likelihood of divorce. Whatever benefit there might be to the child of an affair would be a disadvantage to the children of the marriage. Dr Harley advises that there be no contact between your husband and the child or the other woman.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I embrace the situation attempted communicate with her only because there is a child involved. You and your husband should have NO contact with her EVER. Continued contact will destroy your marriage and that will harm your children.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks a lot of people we're telling me I'm wrong I should let my children meet this child never knew this will affect them thought it would make things better.
Tiffaniehill
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So what is your plan? Are you and your WH going to have NC with her? You'll need to close all avenues that she uses to contact you including all your social media.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I'm at the point of deactivating all accounts
Tiffaniehill
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Since joining this group everyone said it shouldn't be any contact I thought that was the right then to do when I realize her trying to hurt me as well as my children wasn't at all the right thing to do she's waiting for my husband to be a father and maybe be with her although she said she's doesn't want him
Tiffaniehill
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Thanks a lot of people we're telling me I'm wrong I should let my children meet this child never knew this will affect them thought it would make things better. Alot of people are very liberal with "advice" when it is not them having to pay the price. YOU and your children have to pay the price. You need to do what is best for you and your children.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Right agree a lot of people say why do that to a child
Tiffaniehill
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Right agree a lot of people say why do that to a child And they never consider what a disaster that is for the children of the marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks so much for all your great advice I appreciate it.
It definitely made me feel extremely better on what next steps to take.
Tiffaniehill
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The other woman is making life a living hell.
Life shouldn't be a living hell.
Take the thing that is making your life a living hell out of your life.
It's really simple and straightforward as long as you don't listen to people who want to sacrifice your well being for their warped ideas.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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