expanding on the optimist vs. the pessimist....<P>It isn't about the glass 1/2 full. It is about thinking in terms of "always, everyone, all situations" in negative contexts, and leaving yourself feeling very helpless..... An optimist says "This particular individual in this particular situation, and does not label everything negative, but identifies the individual instance that is negative...... There is no room for "always, everyone, all situations" in a negative context for an optimist.<P>But, when the optimist thinks of themselves, in a positive fashion - then the terms "always, I am....." is to credit yourself. <P>Isolate the incidents, and don't think in terms of generalities when dealing with a negative issue. You are not calling the situation positive, but you are also not making the mistake to say that all relationships are negative.....<P>I don't know if I am making sense here, but Nellie I see a fundamental thinking flaw with some of your statements - that sets you up for depression and hopelessness. <P>Your husband is not ALWAYS a self centered betraying inconsiderate father and husband. He is RIGHT NOW, however. <P>This does not mean that your husband always will be this way, nor does it mean he always was this way. You are not always going to be burned for loving someone, Nellie. Not all relationships end up like this, Nellie - but if you put any creedence to the power of projection of attitudes into outcomes, then you must definitely begin to think slightly different.<P>I care a lot about you Nellie, this is why I am saying this. I am not perfect either. I can't even stand to be around myself on some days. Not ALL days, but some days. <P>I can't stand to be around my husband on some days. Not ALL days, but some days.<P>My husband is a jerk and a self centered person on some days. Not ALL days, but some days.<P>My husband was a bad husband for a period of time in his "bad brain period" (and I'm not so sure that he has fully recovered at this point....), however, he is not always going to be in a "bad brain period", and he is not always going to be a bad husband.<P>I am not always going to feel hopeless. I do feel hopeless sometimes. But not always.<P>Think about your thinking process, and help yourself, to know that you are a worthy trusting person. The fact that your husband proved himself untrustworthy for a period of time, does not negate your ability to trust or love.<P>Hang in there Nellie, you DO have a future, and a hope. Perhaps you are losing your hope for reconcilliation with your husband, but you still have a future.<P>tnt