Chris,<P>you said:<BR>Sure hope this is just a vent & not how you truly feel. If this is how you feel, then you<BR>have learned absolutely nothing. Are you just going to negate your marriage and all that came with it?<P>I feel the way Nellie feels, exactly. Even though I'm the one that cheated, and even though I know it wasn't my H's fault that I cheated, I DO know that we had problems. I DO know that I tried DESPERATELY to talk to him and tell him how I felt and he ignored every single one of them. It was always "my fault". I DO know that I had other choices besides cheating and very much regret having done that. I should have never married him in the first place and should have just kicked him to the curb instead of cheating. However, looking back over the way my H treated me after the confession, and at times before the confession, my answer to your question is a resounding YES. I wish I never met him, I wish I never married him, and as long as I can manage it, I will never, ever let another man touch me as long as I live. In the past 8 months or so since my divorce, I've discovered how honest men can be when it sinks in that they are not going to get a piece of *ss anytime in the foreseeable future from me. It is downright pathetic the lies some men tell themselves (and me) trying to get me into bed, or whatever.<P>Nellie,<BR>If your kids want a committed relationship, tell them to write a contract instead of getting married. That way, everyone knows the conditions that apply at separation and they won't have to walk around with the big "D" on their forehead should the other person bail. Marriage is not about commitment. It is a stupid legal framework. Commitment is about commitment, and you don't need a piece of paper to have it.<P>What I've learned is that people use you as long as it is convenient for them. Most people get married because the other person has something they want. Most people don't consider for a second what they are willing to give to sustain the relationship. I gave for 8 years. Probably seems like nothing compared to your 19, but I'm just as pissed that a single day was wasted on my ex.<P>Like you, I believe that when bad *hit happens, it is simply bad *hit. Trying to put cake frosting on a turd doesn't change the fact that it is a turd. This stuff I hear, like, it was for the best...You learned this and that, blah blah, You know, there are some lessons that don't NEED to be learned. I'm with you. Call it like it is. You don't need to feel like your life has been "blessed" because you married your H or that this is in some way "good for you". Gag. Sometimes, when bad stuff happens, all you can do is survive and cope. What is the point of investing so many years of your life if they are just going to haul butt? You said one time, "would you buy a house if you knew that it had a 50% chance of it falling down in 10 years?" Hell no. but of course, so-called love makes everyone think it won't happen to THEM. So, my new response(s) to when some guy tells me he "loves" me is:<BR>a) prove it<BR>b) so, what do YOU want?<BR>c) if you think you're getting sex now, you're wrong.<BR>d) ok, that is nice, but no, I won't follow you for your job or quit mine.<P><p>[This message has been edited by TheStudent (edited February 11, 2000).]
