To Essyboo and John:<P>Well, actually my distaste comes from both my religious beliefs and my personal upbringing (the two are so tied together that they're hard to seperate, if you KWIM).<P>I'm not naive, or uneducated; I realize that what my husband wants would not be viewed as out of the ordinary for a lot of people, but, for me, they are just NOT acceptable.<P>My H has known my feelings about what I feel are acceptable or not acceptable areas since before we were married, and my feelings about this have not become more liberal over the past 14 years; in fact, if anything, I feel more strongly about this now than I did before his affair. <P>I do try to be enthusiastic about our sex life, but my H claims that it is too limiting (his words were "Too little, too late"), and that that is at least part of the reason for the EMR.<P>I know from reading Dr. Harley's articles, that men put sexual fulfilment at the top of their emotional needs, so I belive my H when he says that this is VERY important to him. I just wish that there was a way to reconcile HIS emotional needs with MY emotional needs in this area.<P>And, actually, my H is not at all selfish when it comes to my sexual needs. The problem is, for me anyway, is that he wants to do things that I just CANNOT do, no matter how pleasurable they might be, for me or for him. And my inclination to take part in these activities certainly wasn't increased by his actions over the past year.<P>As I said in my original post, I may just have to accept the fact that HIS needs and MY needs are incompatible in this area. If this is, in fact the case, then I guess we're going to have to decide if this is going to be a marriage breaker...