Raven,

Just my $.02, and it may or may not apply to your husband's "need" for borderline icky sexual stimulation...

Sometimes a person who needs to feel strongly desired seeks out borderline behaviors as a way for the partner to "prove" how strong their desire is. In other words, perhaps he is pushing your limits to have you show how much you love and desire him (i.e. "if she will do THAT then she MUST love and desire me").

Or maybe he just has become desensitized to "normal" sex and needs more adventure. Perhaps there is something racy (but short of the abhorent) that you would be willing to do. Perhaps sex in unusual places (public places where there is some risk of being caught), use of toys, fantasy or role playing, etc.

I do admire your willingness to draw a line that you will not cross. Stick to your guns.