Welcome, ravenhair.<P>I'm in a similar position to you at the moment in that my H is interested in some practices that I have a problem with, and I'm terrified he's going to go elsewhere to find them. In my case, they pertain to, shall we say, "alternative spirituality" and my biggest concern is risk of pregnancy (something my H said does not happen when done properly, but this sounds like a teenage boy saying "I promise I'll pull out"). H states he still does not want children (mutually agreed very early on). Contraceptives are apparently verboten in what he wants to do.<P>That's all I can say about it.<P>H and I have always been "live and let live" regarding his spiritual practices. I don't choose to practice them, but I don't mind if he does, and he's never minded if I don't. I was willing to try what he wants for the "have more fun in bed" factor, but even though I am pro-choice, it is not a choice I want to have to make, and H does not want children.<P>I attempted to get information about it, to try to understand, but he just took offense that I didn't embrace the idea enthusiastically, and said it was stupid to even mention it. But he's still reading the material about it.<P>And now I'm terrified he'll seek someone elsewhere to do this with.<P>Different people have different needs. I used to date a guy who would only have anal sex. I was resistant, but I had little self esteem and I capitulated. I hated it, I felt degraded, and I broke off with him a month later. Everyone has differing interpretations of what's "perverted" and what's "normal." Each couple has to work it out.<P>If your H has always known that you won't do this, it's not fair for him to insist on it now.<P>I'm having a hard time right now, as are you, but the bottom line for me is this: My H has to make his own decision as to whether our marriage is more important than his need for this activity. My concerns are not based on aesthetics, morality or spirituality but on bread-and-butter concerns: I don't want an accidental pregnancy, and since I take the risk if it occurs, I'm entitled to be wary of anything not involving contraception. If he goes elsewhere, he goes elsewhere, and there's nothing I can do about it.<P>The worst part is the waiting to see what decision he will make. I feel helpless, as do you. I fear disease more than anything else. Yet right now all I can do is sit tight.<P>One cannot live with a sword of Damocles hanging over one's head. Yet at the same time, we have to make a REASONABLE attempt to accommodate our spouse's sexual needs. In my case, I sought information and discussion and was denied. <P>TheStudent is dead-on right. These spouses have to decide whether one (or in your case more) sexual practice(s) about which agreement can't be reached are worth sacrificing the rest of the relationship.<P>It's not easy. Believe me. I'm not having an easy time with this either.