RH,<BR>What your husband is asking you to do compromises the true spirit of a trusting relationship. I agree wholeheartedly with studentswife and Dazed on this. <P>Some of his desired practices amount to infidelity - a totally non-recommended practice in order to marriage build.<P>I have a huge issue with people suggesting ad nauseum that you abandon your comfort field in order to satisfy the selfish and disrespectful desires of your husband. The fact that his requests have increased since his affair must be very uncomfortable for you. I can understand why you feel the added pressure to satisfy him. Does this change your comfort level? NO. Will your comfort level ever change? Not likely. So let's look at what you CAN do to heal your marriage.<P>My H is currently working to overcome the selfish "needs" he has had for some time. He has a sexual addiction. As we dive into things, I realize that there was much more than I was even aware of and it frightens the begeebeez out of me. His fantasies have revolved around many of the same ones as your H. While leary, I think we may get through it. I am somewhat uncomfortable posting about the how's and the why's partly because of the "satisfy him at all costs if you don't want to lose him" mentality. The thought that YOU have to change YOU. Wrong, wrong, wrong. You can change how you respond verbally to his requests, you can change your enthusiasm for vanilla sex even add a few toppings (I liked your metaphor [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] ) but you can't satisfy his 31 flavours at the risk of compromising YOU without serious consequences to you AND your marriage.<P>If you like, you can send me your e-mail address and I can provide a few more details.<P>L_I_S_A_M@yahoo.com<P>Good luck.<BR>Lisa