This was one of our major problems. I have always been a lot less agressive than he for different reasons. I didn't even feel confortable discussing it. We read a John Gray book entitled Mars and Venus in the Bederoom. We took turns reading chapters to each other. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT not only to understand how the male and female views sex (it's not just to get the semen out as some may think- you may be surprised how they really feel). Anyway by openly talking about this and adding our views and desires we have had a better sex live than even before the kids came. That's been a long time! Hope it helps!